Tag: Free Mom Hugs

Healing

Kristine Binder

About yesterday….
Those that know me know that delegation is NOT my strong suit!  I like to just do it all myself…. but yesterday I stepped outside my comfort zone and delegated. What a liberating experience!  My other Mama Bears stepped up in grand style showing up with a tent, table, snacks, water and HUGS!  
This is our second year participating in this event and it was a joy once again! I saw people wearing all sorts of shirts and some of my favorites were,   “I love my gay child,” “Proud Mom” “Proud Dad” and “Will Trade Racists for Refugees” !
And I hugged….one armed!  Boy did I hug! 
And I listened. 
I listened as one of my favorite Queens read a beautiful story to children titled, “Families, Families, Families” while children interacted with the story in the sweetest way, sharing what their families look like.  I listened as a woman told me how she recently moved her family from California to Evanston in order to continue safe healthcare and an affirming community for her children. I listened to a  woman share that she was learning to ask how to use correct pronouns. I listened to a mom share how she was learning to love the adult child in front of her and grieve her own losses. I listened to a man who had gotten engaged in the past year and was planning the wedding of his dreams all while preparing for the longevity of marriage by going to couples therapy with his partner. I listened to a young woman tell me that she attends family events alone as her partner is not welcome and her family does not acknowledge her partner. I listened to a man tell me that his own father got a hug from a Free Dad Hugger last year and it seemed to open his heart a bit to his son. 
And I learned….I learned from one of my Mamas that the word of the day was “Bashert.” Bashert is a Yiddish word that means ‘destined’ or ‘meant to be.’  I felt that deep in my bones yesterday with each and every interaction. 
And it did not stop once we cleaned up to go home. I stopped at the store on my way home, yes….in my tutu and FMH shirt! I was stopped by 2 older (80’s) ladies in the parking lot….At first I was a bit apprehensive after my recent encounter at a local fast food establishment, but I stopped to talk to them. They told me they loved my outfit and thanked me for giving hugs. They were  both banished (their word, not mine) from their families when the families found out they were in love and more than just friends. They have been together over 50 years and created their own family of people that love and accepte them. I hugged them both together for a long time….and they were so gentle and caring. I did not let go until they did and when we stepped apart….all of us were crying…in the parking lot of the grocery store!  What a sight! I watched as they walked away with their arms around each other and thought how lucky they were to have found such love in one another. 
Another moment of beshert…..and another reminder of why hugs (and tutus) are so important. 
Love….and hugs….heal. 
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Pride

Kristine Binder

Seven years ago I took my son to his first Pride Parade. It was my first in a LONG time so we were both a bit nervous. A core memory was created for both of us that day.
This year we were together again, but not as spectators. We walked together for Free Mom Hugs giving hugs throughout the parade route. Watching my son, his boyfriend, my daughter, their friends give hugs and spread love created another core memory. The sheer joy and emotion of the day is something that I will never forget. My son has gone from an unsure young boy to a confident gay man in the blink of an eye. It has not always been an easy journey for either one of us. Along the way he has shown me what fearlessness looks like, as well as grace and tough love when needed. And, most importantly, he has taught me what it means to be an LQBTQIA+ parent and active ally. He is my superhero. Being an ally is not always fun, nor is it easy, however, he has helped me to understand that it is so worth it!
Representing Free Mom Hugs in the Pride Parade is an opportunity to give hugs to those who need them most. It is an opportunity to bear witness to those who need love and acceptance as they may not experience those things at home. So for over 3 miles, Free Mom Hugs walked into the outstretched arms of those who needed a mom/dad/brother/sister/ally hug. We listened as people told us their story. We hugged as people cried. We loved as people shared. We affirmed as people needed support.
I am always amazed at the sheer number of people who do not feel affirmed for who they are and how they love. It is why I continue to be an ally and a safe space at home, at school and in the world.
That journey all started long ago….with a boy and a cape. My superhero.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Receiver

Kristine Binder

Today started out as a day of giving and turned into a day of receiving.
I dropped my son at work, got a snack and headed to Evanston hospital to donate blood. There was an urgent need for the victims of the Highland Park tragedy so I signed up. Giving blood is how I help when I feel helpless.
I chose to take the advice of my friend Julie and wear my Free Mom Hugs shirt. Entering the hospital, I got a few looks from people.
Soon I was seated in the donation chair and one of the phlebotomists said, “I like your shirt!”
“Thanks!  Need a hug?”
“Really?” I nod.
“Sure…” She says.
So before I get hooked up to all the machines, I give her a big hug. She smiles and says thanks. 
As she is removing needle, one of the other women says, “11:11!  Make a wish!  That was your official finish time!” I laugh and she then pulls out the pink bandage…it was like they knew me! 
We 3 chatted while I recovered and then I left.
I walked toward the exit and an elderly man said, “Really? Hugs?”
“Yup!  Want one?”
“Well I guess so….” And we did sort of side hug as that was what he could manage with his cane.
“That was really nice. Thank you.” And he shuffled away.
Once I left the hospital I was feeling all sorts of things. So, I decided to take a drive. I found myself driving around the Northwestern Campus. As an homage to my old man, I clicked on my old school Spotify playlist and the soothing sounds of Billie Holiday filled the air.
I gazed you the window at the old and new buildings. So much has changed over the years. I wound up in the older part of Evanston and grabbed a coffee. I treated myself to a fancy lavender latte (at the suggestion of the barista).
“Do you really give hugs?”
“Yes!  I love it!”
She took my payment and directed me to coffee pick up. While I was waiting, she walked around the counter and, “Can I have a hug?”
“SURE!” and we hugged in a café full of people.
She said thanks and went back to work, handing me my coffee. I got back in my car and headed home….the long way….along Sheridan Road, past the Baha’i Temple, Lake Michigan and beautiful homes all the while listening to old jazz and my girl Billie filling up my heart.
Today was a reminder of my many gifts. A reminder of my blessings. A reminder of times gone by. I keep hoping that my daily excursions…. giving some hugs, spreading a little kindness and putting some love back into the universe…. create a little more peace for others. It certainly soothes my soul and replenishes my spirit.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Parade

Kristine Binder

I struggle to find the right words as I am overwhelmed with emotion.
I began the day with high anxiety but as the morning wore on and my group grew, the “mom” energy was high!Our group may not have been the largest but we were the most energetic and impactful.
The hugging started before the parade began. A young woman came and asked for a hug. It was tight and it was long. There were tears….. and that was just the beginning.
Once the parade began, we were ready…. Arms wide open!
“I need a hug!”
“I want a mom hug!”
“Can I have a dad hug?” (We had several dads with us too!!)
Some people just opened their arms and waited for us!
For four miles, we high fived, waved and hugged. There were many times I had to run to catch up because the hugs were long…I don’t let go of a hug until they do! I tell each person I hug that they are loved and they matter.
I lost count of the hugs that ended with tears.
I heard more than once as I walked away, “that’s amazing” “what a wonderful group” “she gives great hugs!
Just when I thought it could go on forever, we were at the end of the parade route.
Our group sat together in the shade, relishing in the endorphin rush, recounting stories of epic hugs and soon we went our separate ways.
What I didn’t realize is that my job was not yet done.
As I walked back to my car I was stopped on a corner by an older man. He asked if I believed in fate and I said yes. He told me that he had seen me in the parade but couldn’t get to the rail and he really needed a hug. As we hugged he told me his mom never accepted him and she had just passed …. But now that she was gone, he wished he could have hugged her one last time. So …. I was her stand in.
I continued my walk and ran into a young guy I hugged during the parade. He said our group was the best of the parade and what he will always remember.
The last hug is one I will remember a long time. A young woman walked past me at the el. She made eye contact with me as she passed. A few minutes later she had returned and was at my side.
“Do you really give hugs?”
“Yup. Want a mom hug!”
“Oh my god! Really?! You have no idea how much a need a mom hug today…”
So we hugged a long time. She pulled away suddenly, said thanks through tears and walked away as fast as she appeared. I stood there in the middle of the sidewalk stunned. Not sure why she needed that hug so bad but I’m glad I was there.
Today was one I will remember for a long time. One that I will look back on fondly. One that will be a constant reminder of the need we all have to feel loved. One that reinforced, once again, the power of a hug.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Hugs

Kristine Binder

Saturday I went to Pridefest.
I got in line to get in and the girl in front of me looked and said, “Are you here by yourself?”
“Yes why?”
“Wow! I would never do that. You are so brave! Are you gay?”
“No”
“Oh wow……” she looks at my shirt and then my hat….“Would it be ok to ask for a hug?”
“Sure….. “ and we share a long tight hug.
“My mom hasn’t talked to me in years…. Since I came out”
“When was that?”
“When I was 18….. I’m 24 now. I’ve been on my own since I was 18.”
“That must be hard…” I say and the line begins to move.
“Yea….. but it’s better. I like living my life as me and not as someone else.”
“Well then. You are the brave one.”
We continue to chat as we make our way in. She says “happy pride” and skips off as we enter.
After that I was stopped so many times.
“Can I have a hug?”
Some people just walked up to me with open arms. I heard older men tell me that they had been disowned years ago, that their moms had died without acknowledging them, that kids had left home rather than hide in the closet….
As I was watching a performer, I looked over and noticed a Woods ring! The girl had just graduated! We hugged and then I decided it was time to go.
As I was waiting for a light to change, a couple walked over.
“Can my girlfriend have a mom hug?”
“Sure!!!”
As we hugged the girl that asked said “she misses her mom but her mom says she is dead to her…”
I held on until the other girl pulled away. Her face was wet with tears……
”I miss my mom so much. Thank you for giving me a piece of her for a minute.”
We three hugged together and cried a minute.
“You are loved and you matter.” And we parted ways.
I walked 2 miles back to my car and enjoyed every minute of that walk.
Never underestimate the power of a hug.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace