There is an appointed time for everything,
and a time for every affair under the heavens.
A time to be born, and a time to die;
a time to plant, and a time to uproot the plant.
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
a time to tear down, and a time to build.
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn, and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones, and a time to gather them;
a time to embrace, and a time to be far from embraces.
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
a time to keep, and a time to cast away.
A time to rend, and a time to sew;
a time to be silent, and a time to speak.
A time to love, and a time to hate;
a time of war, and a time of peace.
I laced up my shoes and went for a run today. I had planned to just run 5-6 miles but I was feeling good and kept going. I needed to get my head and heart to start talking to each other again along with resetting my bullshit meter. Sometimes that takes longer than expected. Today it took 10 miles. 10 miles of true grit. There were tears, laughing, screaming, and some walking but I finished those 10 miles.
I headed back to my “home” …. my trail ….for my run. I have not been on the trail since October. As I ran, I thought about the last year of my life. It has been a long year. A year I thought I would never get through. A year I thought I would not survive at times. But looking back, I have no idea who that woman of a year is anymore. I feel I do not know her. She was so scared and uncertain. She was so weak and timid. She was so confused and overwhelmed. She was me.
As I ran, I thought of all the changes in my life; how different I am and how different my life is today from a year ago. I paid a visit to my girlfriend Wanda (she is a badass bridge) and this time she did not get the best of me. There is something euphoric when I run downhill with the sun on my face and the breeze at my back. I took a jog down ‘complain lane’ (a straightaway where runners complain) and let loose with all my complaints since my last visit. Then I turned around to run home.
I looked at my shadow as I ran home and thought I am a shadow of my former self. I started to notice that winter was finally gone and spring was starting to take over the trail. Blooming trees and flowers along with more green then grey. Seasons are like that. Winter can’t last forever. Some winters are longer, colder and darker that we expect but they eventually come to an end and spring brings rebirth and new life….every year. We just have to get through the winter.
This past year has been a long winter that is finally giving way to spring.
Over that 10 miles I found my legs again. I got my heart and my head to start talking to each other. I reset my bullshit meter. I realized that I am stronger and smarter than I ever was…..I am blooming like the trail in spring.
1 thought on “Seasons”
Beautiful and so moving! Reading this, it took me back 11 years to my own interminable winter. When I was going through my divorce, I wished that I could fast-forward through the terrible, horrible, no-good days I knew were ahead of me. But, without pain, joy is not as acute. I saw my priest during the especially dark time, and he told me that when a person like me, who is pretty even-keeled, plunges into a dark grief, it seems insurmountable because it's so unfamiliar.I'm happy your head and your heart are communicating again. You've got this! Love to you, my Woodsie sister 🙂