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Proud

Kristine Binder

June is Pride month. Today this photo came up on my memories today. I took this photo four years ago and it still feels like it was just yesterday. So much has changed since I took this photo but it remains one of my all time favorites. It is a constant reminder of so many things…..
LGBTQIA Pride Month is celebrated each year in June to honor the 1969 Stonewall riots, and works to achieve equal justice and equal opportunity for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, intersex and asexual (LGBTQIA) Americans. The Stonewall Riots were led by Marsha B. Johnson, a black, trans woman and drag queen. If you are not familiar with that part of history, you can learn more about her and Stonewall here. Pride Month is a month that shines a spotlight on love.
Pride month often a time when people choose to share their stories of coming out in order to live their truth. Should people ever have to “come out” or “stay hidden”? No….but that is another conversation for another day.
My story is that of an ally. My son is gay. I have know that he was gay since he was a toddler. Call it “Mother’s Intuition” but I have always known. His story is his to tell and he tells it in his own way every day.
This is about being the mom of an LGBTQIA child and ally. I am frequently asked, “How do you do it?” and “What should I do? I think my child is gay.”
Well, you love your child. You support that child. You give up the false narrative of what life is “supposed” to be like and you love the child in front of you. You allow your child to lead you and you support your child. If your faith does not support your child, then you find another, more affirming, faith community. If your spouse does not support your child, then it is time to take a serious look at your priorities.
Since the day I found out I was pregnant, I have said that my has a special purpose.
I continue to believe that, as each day he reveals more of who he is becoming. Each day he teaches me something new about life and himself. Each day he teaches me to be a better Ally and Proud Mom. Trust me…..he lets me know when I mess up too and, well, this mom makes plenty of mistakes. He does not mince words and often cuts me to my core but I lean and grow and am a better human for it all.
As a single mom, I am careful who I bring in to my life. Why? Because my son, and all my children, come first before any relationship.
I read a lot. I am in support groups with other parents listening and learning and sometimes sharing what I know. I participate and support when and where I can. Being an educated, compassionate ally is difficult but so worthwhile.
There are so many resources for LQBTQIA+ youth now. So many groups and so much support. That is not to say that bullying and hate does not happen. It does. It happens to our young people as well as those that are older. It has gotten better but it is not gone….just sometimes harder to see.
This is why I partner and volunteer with Free Mom Hugs. This organization is a group of affirming parents and allies who love the LGBTQ+ community unconditionally. They are dedicated to educating families, church, and civic leaders encouraging them to not only affirm the LGBTQ+ community but to celebrate them. Each year at pride I walk in the parade just giving hugs and listening to the spoken and unspoken words of so many. I have heard stories….so many stories. Some bring tears of joy and some bring the tears of searing pain. But it is in those moments, there is so much LOVE. Love, acceptance and affirmation…..and did I mention LOVE?
This year we pause the parades but not the Pride. We pause the “together in person” but not the support. We pause the hugs but not the LOVE!
If you are someone in need of a virtual hug, a listening ear, or just to be seen. I am here for you. If you need support and do not know where to turn for help. I am here for you. If you are a parent who is learning to navigate a different path and want a friend to walk with you. I am here for you. I am here for you. My head and heart are judgment free zones. I may not have all the answers for you, but I can help find resources that will not only help you but others as well.
Back to the picture….my boy running forward, letting his Pride flag fly…..may we all run into the future with such joy and Pride!
Peace –
#tutulady
#forwardisapace






Space

Kristine Binder

undefinedOver the past few days I have been listening. Listening, watching, reading and learning. I have asked questions and been attentive to responses. My heart is weary. I have not liked all that I have seen and heard but I am sitting with all the feelings. It is in sitting with all those feelings that I have chosen to share some of what I learned.
First….are you uncomfortable right now? Are you angry/afraid/frustrated? GOOD! I am a white person and I am aware that I have work to do to shift the ways I think about and approach race. I need to unlearn the deep-rooted habits and behaviors that perpetuate injustice, as do many others. We all need to unlearn the patterns that continue to contribute to systematic racism. One thing I have heard white people say they feel helpless when things like this continue to happen; when Black people are murdered and the perpetrators are all too often not held accountable. But we all are far from helpless. I know I am inherently privileged because of the color of my skin, and it’s my job to do the work to become a better ally to Black people. We all need to be a better ally. That does not mean reposting/retweeting memes and thinking that is enough. We all need to do more.
So what to do?
LISTEN. Listen and learn. Ask questions and really listen to what is said. Start and continue difficult and uncomfortable conversations with those around you. If you see something you do not understand, do not judge. Ask. Listen. Learn.
LEARN. Educate yourself. Read books on your own. It is not the sole responsibility of black people to educate you on culture, race and prejudice. Here is a list of so many resources.
There are many more but this list is a great place to start. Here is a short list of some books as well:


FOLLOW. I know that many are on instagram. Some really good accounts to follow are:
The Conscious Kid
Austin Channing Brown
ckyourprivledge
SPEAK. Use your voice. Speak up when you hear someone say something that is inherently racist. That does not mean that you need to be unkind but, instead, explain why what they have said is offensive. Some people (and by some people…I mean me. I am often “some people”) honestly do not know when something they have said might be considered offensive.
DONATE. There are so many places to put your dollars that will make a difference. You can donate to bail funds for protestors, food resources in communities, rebuilding funds for businesses that were looted. The choices are endless. the NAACP is the largest place to donate. Locally, you can donate to My Block, My Hood, My City, and A Long Walk Home are near and dear to my heart for many reasons. There is an additional extensive list here.
VOLUNTEER. If you feel called to protest, do it…peacefully using your voice to amplify the black voices around you. However, you do not have to protest to show support for change. You can volunteer to clean up the vandalism and aftermath of looting. You can volunteer with various organizations that are working to make change in the black community. You can volunteer with so many organizations using your time, talents and treasures to make change.
VOTE. Get out and vote. Seriously make sure you are registered to vote and then get your butt to the polls on election day. If you can stand in line to get groceries and wander around the Bullseye Boutique, then you sure as heck can get out to vote. Do your homework and learn about the candidates and then vote!
SIT. Are you uncomfortable? GOOD! Sit with the discomfort you’re feeling. Reflect on your own privilege and how you can do better for black people in your own life and in the world at large. The ability to move past the feelings we have in response to George Floyd’s death is an absolute privilege. Not everyone has that same privilege, harboring continual fear over the same thing happening to themselves or someone they love. Sit. Just sit and be uncomfortable, knowing that you have advantages that others do not. Sit. Sit and make a decision to do something.
Systematic racism and injustice will only be changed by all of us working together towards a common goal of equality. Each of us has a responsibility to do what we can in our own lives to create that change. I choose to create and hold a safe space for all. I choose to create space for love.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Silence

Kristine Binder

I have been quiet for the past few days both online and in communication with others. I have been quiet because I have been at a loss for words. I know what I feel but I do not know quite how to express the heaviness in my heart. I also know the privilege I possess and fear saying something that will be offensive to someone…..So here I am. Sitting with all the feelings, but I am ready to speak….but first a story of how I got ready to speak.
Yesterday I had to go to school and clean my classroom. I was already feeling so much as I headed in for what would be the last time this year. So much unfinished business and things unsaid/unheard.
I was blessed to have a friend from school help me as the workload was immense and the timeline was short….one day to get it all done! As we worked we talked. Good Lord! Talking in person to another adult (even while wearing a mask and socially distancing) was something I had missed on a cellular level.
Eventually the conversation turned to the state of race relations in this country. My friend is a Person of Color and someone I admire greatly. She is someone that I can not only have difficult conversations with but also ask uncomfortable questions and get answers that often do not sit well with me. She forces me to check my white privilege at the door but is so very kind and compassionate when I fail in any way/shape/form.
So we talked. Actually…she talked. I listened. I asked questions and I listened to her answers. I heard her heartache, her fear, her love, her anger.
I told her I felt helpless as I didn’t know what to do….that I didn’t want to step into something in the wrong way. I wanted to voice my anger but in the most supportive way possible. She then said something that I can not get out of my head. She said, “You need to speak up and speak out. People will listen to you and your words before they listen to me say the same thing….Your words carry more weight than mine…” Why? Solely because I am white. That, ladies/gentlemen/everyone in between, is WRONG! That is so very wrong! My words should not matter more because of the color of my skin, my gender, my religion….. My words should not matter more than anyone else’s.
I am angry. I am angry that my words carry more weight than others. I am angry that some feel they have the right to demean others. I am angry that people live in fear in this country for so many reasons. I am angry that the health and safety of people is in danger. I am angry that people feel helpless. I am angry that racism and prejudice are still alive and well in this country. I am angry.
So, I continue to sit with the anger as well as the rest of the messy and uncomfortable feelings, trying to sort through them. In the meantime, I have to do something. So I will initiate conversations with others about difficult topics. I will ask questions and listen to the answers. I will listen to the pain, sadness, anger, fear, joy, and tenderness of those around me. I will use my voice to speak words of understanding, empathy, love and kindness into this world. I will hold space for others to feel, to share, to express themselves in ways that help us all to become better humans. We are all human beings and we all matter. All lives matter but right now? Black lives matter more than others.

Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Kindness

Kristine Binder

Each morning I walk my dog in the neighborhood. Things have changed a lot in the past few months with the Stay at Home Order in place. My walks are longer as I take my time…being outside feels so liberating….more on that later!
Back to today and kindness. While I was walking I stopped to admire some lilies of the valley in a local yard. I stood there for a moment, closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet intoxicating smell. I was startled by a woman’s voice…
“Are you ok?” she hollered sharply from her window.
“I am fine. I was just admiring your flowers.”
“Oh….those? They take over my yard every spring!”
“I love them! They remind me of being a kid. Every house I have ever lived in had them…until now.”
“Honey……do me a favor and pick as many as you want! You’ll save me work later!”
“Really? Thank you so much! You made my whole day better!”
“Eh….just savin’ myself some work but glad I made you happy!”

I picked only a few flowers and finished my walk thinking how something so small is so meaningful to both of us. What she sees as a weed and work, I see as a gift of memories. What I see as picking a few flowers, she sees as the gift of less work. Beauty, and kindness, are all in the eye of the beholder.

Life is short and days can be long for all of us.
Today, be. Be present. Be kind. Be grateful. Just be.

Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace