Blog

Silence

Kristine Binder

I have been quiet for the past few days both online and in communication with others. I have been quiet because I have been at a loss for words. I know what I feel but I do not know quite how to express the heaviness in my heart. I also know the privilege I possess and fear saying something that will be offensive to someone…..So here I am. Sitting with all the feelings, but I am ready to speak….but first a story of how I got ready to speak.
Yesterday I had to go to school and clean my classroom. I was already feeling so much as I headed in for what would be the last time this year. So much unfinished business and things unsaid/unheard.
I was blessed to have a friend from school help me as the workload was immense and the timeline was short….one day to get it all done! As we worked we talked. Good Lord! Talking in person to another adult (even while wearing a mask and socially distancing) was something I had missed on a cellular level.
Eventually the conversation turned to the state of race relations in this country. My friend is a Person of Color and someone I admire greatly. She is someone that I can not only have difficult conversations with but also ask uncomfortable questions and get answers that often do not sit well with me. She forces me to check my white privilege at the door but is so very kind and compassionate when I fail in any way/shape/form.
So we talked. Actually…she talked. I listened. I asked questions and I listened to her answers. I heard her heartache, her fear, her love, her anger.
I told her I felt helpless as I didn’t know what to do….that I didn’t want to step into something in the wrong way. I wanted to voice my anger but in the most supportive way possible. She then said something that I can not get out of my head. She said, “You need to speak up and speak out. People will listen to you and your words before they listen to me say the same thing….Your words carry more weight than mine…” Why? Solely because I am white. That, ladies/gentlemen/everyone in between, is WRONG! That is so very wrong! My words should not matter more because of the color of my skin, my gender, my religion….. My words should not matter more than anyone else’s.
I am angry. I am angry that my words carry more weight than others. I am angry that some feel they have the right to demean others. I am angry that people live in fear in this country for so many reasons. I am angry that the health and safety of people is in danger. I am angry that people feel helpless. I am angry that racism and prejudice are still alive and well in this country. I am angry.
So, I continue to sit with the anger as well as the rest of the messy and uncomfortable feelings, trying to sort through them. In the meantime, I have to do something. So I will initiate conversations with others about difficult topics. I will ask questions and listen to the answers. I will listen to the pain, sadness, anger, fear, joy, and tenderness of those around me. I will use my voice to speak words of understanding, empathy, love and kindness into this world. I will hold space for others to feel, to share, to express themselves in ways that help us all to become better humans. We are all human beings and we all matter. All lives matter but right now? Black lives matter more than others.

Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Kindness

Kristine Binder

Each morning I walk my dog in the neighborhood. Things have changed a lot in the past few months with the Stay at Home Order in place. My walks are longer as I take my time…being outside feels so liberating….more on that later!
Back to today and kindness. While I was walking I stopped to admire some lilies of the valley in a local yard. I stood there for a moment, closed my eyes and inhaled the sweet intoxicating smell. I was startled by a woman’s voice…
“Are you ok?” she hollered sharply from her window.
“I am fine. I was just admiring your flowers.”
“Oh….those? They take over my yard every spring!”
“I love them! They remind me of being a kid. Every house I have ever lived in had them…until now.”
“Honey……do me a favor and pick as many as you want! You’ll save me work later!”
“Really? Thank you so much! You made my whole day better!”
“Eh….just savin’ myself some work but glad I made you happy!”

I picked only a few flowers and finished my walk thinking how something so small is so meaningful to both of us. What she sees as a weed and work, I see as a gift of memories. What I see as picking a few flowers, she sees as the gift of less work. Beauty, and kindness, are all in the eye of the beholder.

Life is short and days can be long for all of us.
Today, be. Be present. Be kind. Be grateful. Just be.

Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Forward

Kristine Binder

Uncharted territory. I am moving forward into uncharted waters on a rainy, cold, spring day hopeful you all will join me!

During this pandemic, I was given the opportunity to participate in a group coaching class. It was an amazing experience and one that I would not have been able to afford otherwise. I learned a great deal that I hope to share with others as I move forward.

As a part of the class, we were encouraged to set new goals and forced to face many roadblocks that often get in the way of reaching those goals.

My goal? Inspire and empower others, especially women, to live up to their fullest potential.

I am a self proclaimed procrastinator so taking the steps I need in order to reach my goals are often pushed to the back burner. Not this time. I am holding myself accountable, as I do so well with others, to create a space and place of inspiration and empowerment!

We all have obstacles to overcome. We all have stories to share. We may not be in the same boat but we all weather the storms of life. The knowledge that someone else has “been there and done that” may just give someone else the strength to hang on a bit longer.

I am a firm believer in the powers of kindness, optimism, moving forward, and supporting others. It is my hope and prayer that this blog and website, along with my book, help others to find the good, making lemonade from the lemons life often hands us.

So let’s move forward! I am here to help you inner tutulady (or badass, or whatever you want to call it!) and leave a little sparkle where ever you go!

Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Anxious

Kristine Binder

Anxiety. Anxiousness.
 We are all feeling it to some extent. We may not show it, but we are all feeling it. In the past few days alone I have spoken with 6 different women who all voiced their conflicted and anxious feelings. I am feeling it too. It shows up in different ways for all of us. We went from panic buying toilet paper, to schools closing and learning to managing e-learning/homeschooling to working from home and then an order to shelter in place. All while trying to manage our family and home…..putting our own feelings on the back burner.
Teachers are trying to manage technology (as well as reach those without it) and meet the expectations of a classroom/administration/parents. Employees trying to manage office expectations while working from home. Employees trying to work and stay healthy/safe at essential businesses. Businesses trying to manage either virtually or physically. Our front line first responders and ESPECIALLY our healthcare workers……. are trying to manage in new and uncertain times. We are all doing our best ….and that changes from minute to minute….even second to second.
I see women all over social media either taunting their ability to manage it all, flaunting their cooking and craft projects, or bitching about their situations/kids/spouses. Some are trying to find excuses for sitting still and doing little to nothing and/or allowing their kids to do the same. Some are trying to fill eve3ry second with new and exciting tasks.
We need to stop…..this is not a Quarantine competition! We have gotten so used to impressing each other with posts and images that we have forgotten to appreciate moments. We are all doing the best we can considering the circumstances. The closet you have been dying to clean out….it will wait. That recipe you have been meaning to make….it will wait. That email you must answer…..it will wait.  What ever it is…it will wait.
Take a minute and catch your breath.  Allow yourself the space to breathe. Allow yourself some grace. When things slow down and we are out of our routine, we often get anxious. We start to feel things! So feel the feelings you have right now even if you can not name them all. Embrace the suck! Feel the fear, anxiety, and uncertainty. Feel the frustration, anger, and loneliness. Feel the love, tenderness, and joy. Feel all those feelings and then keep breathing. We all need to allow ourselves the grace and hold the space for ourselves and others to feel and just breathe.
Today, take a minute and set it all down. Just set all of it down and take a breath. You do not have to do it all, be it all, fix it all. Not right now. Set it down and just breathe. We are all anxious. We all feel the uncertainty. We are all going to all be in this for a while and we need to find our own pace throughout it all. So for now….set it down, just breathe and know you are not alone.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace