love – Page 13 – Kristine Binder

Elephants

September 9, 2020September 9, 2020 Kristine Binder

A few years ago I read a story shared by Jen Hatmaker and Nicole Nordeman. It was a story of female elephants. When I read it at that time, I thought, “Huh….that sure is interesting. I am so glad she has a tribe like that.” And moved on with my life.
This past week, Jen made the announcement that she and her husband were getting divorced, thus the story surfaced again. This time when I read the story, it really got me thinking about women, support and how we show it.
In summary, female elephants are amazing badass creatures. In the wild, female elephants travel in packs. When a female elephant is giving birth, she is surrounded by a tribe of female elephants. They back in, closing in so tightly around her that she can’t be seen. They stomp and kick up dirt in order to fiercely protect her. The females surround the mama and incoming baby in protection, sending a clear signal to predators that if they want to attack their friend while she is vulnerable, they’ll have to get through tons of female aggression first. Female elephants only take this formation while under attack by predators, or during the birth of a new elephant.
Since Jen’s announcement of her impending divorce, the women that follow her have closed ranks around her. Hundreds of people have sent messages of love and support to this woman. So I thought, what if that happened to all women? What if, when a woman announced something such as a divorce or difficult life change, we surrounded her with love and support instead of pity and judgement? What if, rather than gossiping about the why of it all, we discuss ways we can assist her? What if, rather than asking questions, we listen….better yet…just sit with each other in the discomfort of it all?
We women all have our own insecurities and worries that often get the better of us. However, instead of playing into the stereotypical drama that so many expect, why not be more supportive of one another? We should be celebrating the success of other women, and helping to carry their load when it becomes too heavy to carry alone. We need to commit to one another that when things get tough, that we will circle up to protect each other. There is enough love, success, and prosperity for all of us. Every woman needs female friendships. Every woman needs women she can depend on and be vulnerable with. Let’s be women who love, protect and encourage other women keeping our eyes and hearts open for women who need us. Let’s protect and support one another following the example of the badass female elephants.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Resilience

September 8, 2020 Kristine Binder

Over the years people have tried to break me down. Tried to break my spirit. Tried to change the woman that I am. And there have been times where I have forgotten who that woman is. I have lost myself in it all.
When I get knocked down, I may crack and break a bit. I may even fall apart. However, what those people don’t realize is that I am resilient. When I do get knocked down, I rarely stay down for long. I pull myself together and begin to repair the broken places. Those cracks and breaks allow light to get in, healing to happen and new growth to take place! It is where and how I grow back even stronger! I rise, and when I rise, I rise like the phoenix from the ashes….stronger and more determined than ever before.
Women are resilient. We are more resilient that we often give ourselves credit for. From a young age we are conditioned by archaic gender roles. We are taught to “stay in our lane”, be “pretty”, “proper,” “polite,” “delicate,” and “selfless” among other things. And we have forgotten who we really are and our intrinsic value.
We women need to be reminded of our resilience and strength. Women can change the world and make a difference at all while wearing a pair of heels(or flats/work boots/sandals/flipflops/shit kickers….) and, while women may occasionally lose their balance, they will never be counted out. We women need to reclaim our power. We need to own our voice and our story. We need to demand our seat at the HEAD of the table.
Women that are too difficult need to keep asking the tough questions and demanding straight answers. Women that are “bossy” need to keep leading the way for others. That assertive woman needs to keep pushing the envelope. That difficult woman needs to keep telling the truth loudly and unapologetically.
Women are powerful when we believe in ourselves and each other. We are unstoppable when we channel our energy towards a positive purpose. Sometimes we need to be reminded of that power. We women do better when we support one another, reminding each other of the resilience and strength we carry within. We need to hold up a mirror to each other and say “The bad ass in me sees and honors the bad ass in you!”
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Space

June 1, 2020June 28, 2020 Kristine Binder

Over the past few days I have been listening. Listening, watching, reading and learning. I have asked questions and been attentive to responses. My heart is weary. I have not liked all that I have seen and heard but I am sitting with all the feelings. It is in sitting with all those feelings that I have chosen to share some of what I learned.
First….are you uncomfortable right now? Are you angry/afraid/frustrated? GOOD! I am a white person and I am aware that I have work to do to shift the ways I think about and approach race. I need to unlearn the deep-rooted habits and behaviors that perpetuate injustice, as do many others. We all need to unlearn the patterns that continue to contribute to systematic racism. One thing I have heard white people say they feel helpless when things like this continue to happen; when Black people are murdered and the perpetrators are all too often not held accountable. But we all are far from helpless. I know I am inherently privileged because of the color of my skin, and it’s my job to do the work to become a better ally to Black people. We all need to be a better ally. That does not mean reposting/retweeting memes and thinking that is enough. We all need to do more.
So what to do?
LISTEN. Listen and learn. Ask questions and really listen to what is said. Start and continue difficult and uncomfortable conversations with those around you. If you see something you do not understand, do not judge. Ask. Listen. Learn.
LEARN. Educate yourself. Read books on your own. It is not the sole responsibility of black people to educate you on culture, race and prejudice. Here is a list of so many resources.
There are many more but this list is a great place to start. Here is a short list of some books as well:

Who Gets to Be Afraid in America? by Ibram X. Kendi
Hood Feminism: Notes from the Women That a Movement Forgot by Mikki Kendall
So You Want to Talk About Race by Ijeoma Oluo
Trigger Warning with Killer Mike

FOLLOW. I know that many are on instagram. Some really good accounts to follow are:
The Conscious Kid
Austin Channing Brown
ckyourprivledge
SPEAK. Use your voice. Speak up when you hear someone say something that is inherently racist. That does not mean that you need to be unkind but, instead, explain why what they have said is offensive. Some people (and by some people…I mean me. I am often “some people”) honestly do not know when something they have said might be considered offensive.
DONATE. There are so many places to put your dollars that will make a difference. You can donate to bail funds for protestors, food resources in communities, rebuilding funds for businesses that were looted. The choices are endless. the NAACP is the largest place to donate. Locally, you can donate to My Block, My Hood, My City, and A Long Walk Home are near and dear to my heart for many reasons. There is an additional extensive list here.
VOLUNTEER. If you feel called to protest, do it…peacefully using your voice to amplify the black voices around you. However, you do not have to protest to show support for change. You can volunteer to clean up the vandalism and aftermath of looting. You can volunteer with various organizations that are working to make change in the black community. You can volunteer with so many organizations using your time, talents and treasures to make change.
VOTE. Get out and vote. Seriously make sure you are registered to vote and then get your butt to the polls on election day. If you can stand in line to get groceries and wander around the Bullseye Boutique, then you sure as heck can get out to vote. Do your homework and learn about the candidates and then vote!
SIT. Are you uncomfortable? GOOD! Sit with the discomfort you’re feeling. Reflect on your own privilege and how you can do better for black people in your own life and in the world at large. The ability to move past the feelings we have in response to George Floyd’s death is an absolute privilege. Not everyone has that same privilege, harboring continual fear over the same thing happening to themselves or someone they love. Sit. Just sit and be uncomfortable, knowing that you have advantages that others do not. Sit. Sit and make a decision to do something.
Systematic racism and injustice will only be changed by all of us working together towards a common goal of equality. Each of us has a responsibility to do what we can in our own lives to create that change. I choose to create and hold a safe space for all. I choose to create space for love.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace