Sad

The other night my dog had me worried. She looked so sad and was not acting normally. I went to bed worried about her. I woke up early to check on her and she still seemed ‘off’. I called the vet an decided to take her in. I was so concerned that she had eaten something and was sick/dying.

After an exam from the vet I was given the bad news. I no longer had a running buddy. She was diagnosed with advanced arthritis in her back hips. She actually nipped at the vet while being checked out and that is totally out of character for her.

They recommended X-rays and lots of expensive medications but the hardest hit was that she would no longer be able to run with me.

I guess that this is so hard to stomach because she is the reason I started moving In the first place. Her need for long walks and exercise led to the demand of me to lead …or be lead by her. Little did I know our run on New Years Eve would be our last together. I think what makes this so difficult is that the choice was made for us. We really had no say in this choice.

I thought she would be my running buddy forever. I guess I didn’t think she could get old and tired. She still acts like a puppy most days.The notion that she is getting old makes me realize that we are all getting old. She forces me to think about many aging issues I try to put put of my mind.

Running without her is still something I am processing. It is make more difficult because she saved me this summer. I wonder if that was the beginning of the end. I wonder if her helping me caused her to get hurt andexpedited the aging process.

For now I can’t run outside. I will soon enough…but for the time being I still have my running buddy at the foot of the treadmill looking at me with sad, defeated eyes.

Peace.

 

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