Selfie

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Let’s Talk…..
Selfies.
I am not a teenager. I do not have “selfie skills.” My kids are constantly teasing me because I don’t take good photos or use filters when I do. I am far more comfortable behind the camera than in front of it!
I am old school. I learned to take pictures with a camera that had film. Film that needed to be developed and cost money to do so.  Taking a photo of myself was darn near impossible. I had to set the self timer and run to get in the picture, then hope and pray it came out ok because I could not see it until I developed the roll of film. Digital cameras made made it easier to take multiple photos and delete what I didn’t like but actually taking those photos was still a challenge. Cell phones with forward facing cameras? Well that was a gamechanger! I could take a tom=n of pictures and see exactly what I was doing and delete the ones that I didn’t like (or all of them!).
When I do take a “selfie” I look at it with such a critical eye. I see all that is wrong with me and the photo. I want to photo shop the lines and imperfections away. I want my photo to look like others I see on social media…..pretty and perfect.   My kids are constantly taking and posting selfies. I wonder what effect that will have on my kids and others like them.
I guess I will have to practice my “selfie skills” as well as acceptance of the subject matter.
Peace –
#forwardisapace
#tutulady

Real

I was told that I need to write more. I honestly wanted to spend more time AWAY from screens so this has been a conundrum for me. I’ve been writing more….on paper. I plan to access the better things I write and post them here and elsewhere.
This is something I wrote a while back. Given the MILLIONS of “perfect” holiday posts and pictures (Kardashians, anyone? Or should I say “Fauxdashians”*?)  we have seen all over social media I think it is the right time to post it…

What If…..

What if

Just for a week

Just for a day
Just for an hour
Just for a minute
We put away the hate.
We put away the judgement
We put away the hypocrisy
We put away the masks
What if
We get real.
What if we stop sharing the pretty
What if we stop filtering the unattractive
What if we stop altering reality
What if we stop covering up the pain.
What if
We get real
What if we share the unpleasant reality
What if we share the uncomfortable truth
What if we share the uncontrollable fear
What if we share the unceasing anxiety
What if
we get real?

 – KMB
So…what if we get real? Anyone willing to share a “real” photo and comment about their holidays or their life? If you dare…..tag me so I can admire your realness! Use the hashtags #getreal #whatif
*Fauxdashians – a term coined by my friend. It makes me laugh and might just become a hashtag for the new year!
Peace –
#forwardisapace
#tutulady

MAC

“Life goes on, days get brighter.”  – Mac Miller

That phrase has been ingrained in my mind thanks to my daughter. Each time I read it, it takes on an even deeper meaning.
The recent death of Mac Miller hit me hard. Many adults probably have never heard of him. To me, he is a connection to my daughter. What? How does a foul mouthed rap singer provide a connection to a teenager? Allow me to explain.
Years ago, when my daughter was in high school, she started listening to Mac Miller. She was far and away ahead of the curve of his popularity. There were one too many times I yelled at her to “turn that crap down” and we argued about it. She yelled back, begging me to “Just listen, mom. He’s amazing”
Eventually, I did listen. Eventually I saw a bit of my younger self…. a teen passionate about music. Eventually I did come to actually like, but more importantly, appreciate his music.
She made a CD to play on the car and would demand we all listen. She got angry when Best Day Ever came out making Mac more popular. When people jumped on the bandwagon she would spout “They don’t even know any song from K.I.D.S….”  When Blue Slide Park was released, I raced to download it from iTunes for her and it was then on repeat for weeks.  But “Get Up” was the song that stuck with her. She cut out the letters individually “life goes on days get brighter” and taped them to her wall. When she got her first tattoo…. it was those same words on her ribcage.
When Mac Miller came to play the Rave in Milwaukee, she pleaded with me to drive her to see the show. I remember I was not thrilled to be driving her and her friends but I did it, softening as I drove and felt their excitement. I dropped them off in line outside the venue and remember feeling both proud and terrified. You see, I love live music, especially in a smaller venue. I value live music as a transformative experience. She was my oldest. This was new to me. I know general admission venues, having been to my fair share, but this was her first time. I knew the thrill and nerves having felt the same but it’s different as a mom. I remember parking on a quiet street close to the venue and reading by flashlight(I was not alone as other parents were parked doing the same!), waiting for her call telling me that they needed to be picked up. When I got that call and picked them up, the energy and joy was palpable. I know that feeling. I have felt that feeling before!  I listened to them chatter the whole way home and that night is one I will never ever forget.
When Mac Miller came back the Rave. I drove again. It was that same excitement all over again but this time I felt privileged to be driver. The last time he performed there, she went with friends. I missed being the driver and spending time with them.
Prom season rolled around and my daughter started a twitter campaign asking Mac Miller to take her to Prom. She trended for a while and this was thrilling! She ended up taking a local boy to prom but I always thought that Mac missed an amazing opportunity to spend time with one of his biggest fans.
I’ve made a ton of mistakes as a parent. I mean colossal screw ups. I am far from perfect. I own each and every one of those mistakes …. many of which I will spend a lifetime apologizing for. Some of those mistakes have caused this same daughter to distance herself from me. However, each time I hear a Mac Miller song, I can not help but think of my daughter and some of the things I have done right as a mom.   One thing I think I did right was to give each one of my children a passion for music, especially live music. Another thing I think I may have done right is to teach my kids to value experiences over items.
My daughter and Mac Miller have taught me some valuable life lessons. Listen to the music your kids listen to, ask them why they like it and don’t always tell them to turn it down. Drive them to concerts and let them go in without you. Listen to your kids when they are with friends, when they are alone and when they are quiet. Strive to understand and appreciate all the little things that matter to your kids.
I will miss the poetic genius that is Mac Miller. I will be forever grateful to him for the connection he created between my daughter and me. I will be forever grateful for the memories he helped me create with her. I will be forever grateful for the lessons he taught me as a mom and a human.
Addiction and mental illness are serious. We, as a country, need to do more to reduce the stigma allowing people to seek help. We, as a country, need to do less criticizing and more caring. Because life DOES go on and days DO Get brighter.

RIP Malcom McCormick 
Peace –
#forwardisapace
#tutulady

Time

Life is fragile. We’re not guaranteed a tomorrow so give it everything you’ve got.
Tim Cook

Today I went to visit an old friend, meaning a friend I have know for a long time. Truth be told, we dated when we were young and wild and without a care in the world. Who knew then that 30 years or so later, I would be visiting him and assisting with his therapy after a serious stroke? If I had known, would I have done things differently? I have no idea. I was young and living in the moment. What I do know is that now, at this stage of our lives, he needs a little support and love so that is where I belong…..paying a visit to an old friend. The past is long gone.

This summer I also lost a family member, someone, who for many years, was a good friend. We had not spoken or seen each other for several years, which now, in hindsight seems silly and small. He was a father of 2 young children whose lives will be forever altered due to the loss of their dad. He was a friend to so many who will miss him, his sense of humor and the calm, caring example he set for others. He was a husband as well, who cared for his wife in both big and small ways. The void he leaves in her heart will never go away. His mother will also have a void that will never go way as he was a devoted son. I think about his future, his dreams, his plans…..all gone now. The time we spent not speaking to one another now seems foolish and petty. The past is long gone.

Life is so fragile. We all go to sleep with emotions of the day, plans of tomorrow and dreams of the future. However, in a split second that can change. We can get sick, we can lose a loved one…in the mere blink of an eye, our entire life can change. Life gives us no guarantees. We should take no one or nothing for granted. Forgive those who have done you wrong or caused you pain. Make peace with your past. Be kind to everyone. Slow down and make time for people. Love with all your heart. Do not wait for tomorrow. Do it today….right now.
Peace –
#forwardisapace
#tutulady

People

“Mom stop talking to people” stated 15.
“It’s what I do. I talk to people,” replied Mom.

I talk to people. I say hello and good morning and ask “how are you today”….. then I wait for and listen to the response. Often times people ignore me or just nod but sometimes, every once in a while,  I have conversations with some amazing and interesting people. 
On our most recent road trip, I met some of these amazing and interesting folks. 
Pete-he works at the hotel front desk and loves to help people. He is calm and patient and can recommend the best places to eat! He has a knack for calming even the most irritable customer. 
Alice– oh my. This woman will always have a special place in my heart. She is on the housekeeping staff at a hotel. It is one of several jobs she has. She showed us several rooms from which we could choose telling us the pros and cons of each. She warned us about hiking and bears. She asked about where we were from and said she’d never been to Chicago…. big cities scare her. Once we were settled in our room, Alice appeared again with a pair of wine glasses and a lovely note welcoming us to the hotel. “Wanted you to feel at home and have something to recall your visit so y’all come back…” I saw her again the second day and she once again asked about our day and listen to the responses. She has a sharp wit and keen sense of humor that I found so endearing. She stopped by our room again later in the evening to see if we were in need of anything and to say goodbye as we would be leaving in the morning. She made an offhand remark about feeling like she mattered to us and said we mattered to her. Oh Alice.  You DO matter! You are such an amazing woman!
Marilyn– she works in food service at a hotel. I watched as people looked right through her as she restocked breakfast items. They didn’t bother to say good morning when they asked her for more eggs or gravy. As I waited for my waffle to cook, she refilled napkins and I thanked her.  We got to talking. She told me this was one of her 2 jobs but what she was most proud of was the fact that in 3 short weeks she would be a college graduate. She was working 2 jobs, going to school online and raising 4 children. “I’m gonna have my bachelor’s degree! First one in the family to graduate college! I want my kids to be proud of me.”
She went on to tell me that at age 49 she wants to be a firefighter once she graduates. “My kids think I’m crazy but ya only live once. I’m gonna make it a good life…”
The pride in her posture and on her face as she told me again and again about the college degree in 3 weeks was something to behold. I hope everyone that gets a degree feels that proud. 
Diana and her young daughter– while driving back to Gatlinburg from Newfound Gap, and against the wishes of my kids, I crossed over the median to stop at an overlook and take a photo. Drivers aren’t really supposed to do this but sometimes I’m a rule breaker. And I looked like I was not alone. There was a truck with a family of 3 pulled over too. As it turns out they were stranded. The national park has little to no cell service and not lot of law enforcement traffic on the roads. We tried to jump their truck to no avail and with none of us having cell service, calling a wrecker was out of the question. So Diana piled in the backseat while, once again, we broke a rule as her daughter climbed onto her lap so I could drive us all to Gatlinburg. The closer we got, cell service returned and she was able to call the Insurance company. I took her to a service station whose employee was not very kind and said they could not help her that day. I asked for the number of someone that could and the employee very curtly told us to “have a credit card ready cuz you’ll have to pay upfront. We don’t work for free up here….”
Diana and her family were visiting from Maryland and were staying at an RV Park. What impressed me was that this woman never got upset of flustered. She took everything In stride, telling her daughter, “we’ll get it all worked out. Just adds to the adventure of our vacation….”
I saw them again in town later and she thanked me again. Later that evening I got a text from her thanking me again for being “a blessing …”
Mavis- Mavis works on a housekeeping staff at a hotel in Nashville. When I said good morning to her, she about jumped out of her skin. I apologized for startling her and she said, “it’s alright…. you are such a breath of fresh air. Most people either say nuthin’ or are so grouchy in the morning from too much nighttime fun…so ya surprised me…”
We talked about the weather and the city of Nashville a bit and I told her to have a nice day. “Well it certainly is off to a blessed beginnin’ thanks to you.” And It was a wonderful rest of my day thanks to Mavis!
Officer M of the Kentucky State Police- Officer M took it upon himself to pull me over on the Interstate to ask for my drivers license. He wished to remind me to change Into “shoes not made of lead”, doing him the “favor of slowing down so y’all get home safely.” Apparently after we stopped to get get lunch, the fast food had all gone to my foot and I was a little heavy on the accelerator! I thanked him for the reminder and promised to slow it down. 
I am a firm believer that what you put out into the world, comes back to you. I believe that people matter. I believe that we all crave human connection. I believe that if you talk to people, make eye contact, say hello and wait for a response, you can make some amazing connections and get to know some really interesting people. You can make people feel as though they matter. And will feel as though you matter too. 
Peace – 
#forwardisapace
#tutulady