2021 Pay-It-Forward:
The first five people to connect with me will receive from me, sometime within the calendar year, a handwritten note, perhaps with a gift attached. There will likely be no warning and it will happen whenever the mood strikes me.
Let’s all pay it forward this year!
🖊
Pay it forward!!
Let’s connect!! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace
There will always be critics, haters and difficult people in your life. Those people that judge you for so many reasons. No matter how sincere your intentions may be, no matter how positive your actions may be, there will be those who find a way to criticize you. For one reason or another, someone will find a reason to project their insecurities, negativity, and fears onto you and your life, and you’ll have to deal with it. When that happens, keep in mind that the criticism is their problem, not yours.
I have learned to embrace the criticism and use it as fuel. It has much about myself and about my critics. I am grateful for those that want to judge and criticize me. Grateful for haters? YES! Without them I would never have known how much I can tolerate before I say “enough.” I would never have learned to create and hold boundaries. I would not have had the courage to stand on my own two feet and live my truth. I would never have realized that I only needed to fight for me to protect my heart. I am grateful that though their judgements I have learned what I stand for and what is important to me. Without those difficult “sandpaper” people in my like I never would have learned to love myself, becoming the woman I am today.
I occasionally look back to remember what I leave behind and to see how far I have come. I’m not upset or angry about the past, nor am I envious of the people and things I leave in the past. I leave behind people to deal with their own demons. I leave behind all the hate, anger, judgements, and criticism of others. I leave behind all that no longer serves me.
I look towards the future and move forward. Every day is a new day. I choose not to give power to the critics and the haters. I choose not to allow anyone but me control my destiny and my future. Those critics are afraid of a strong woman. They are afraid of a woman who has stepped into her own truth and light. A confident and courageous woman is intimidating to others. Why? She has nothing to fear, nothing to lose but everything to gain. She carries herself with pride and dignity. She might stumble here and there but that crown never wavers.
When you’re being criticized, it means you’re making a difference. So rather than allowing criticism to stop you, smile, straighten your crown and step forward into your greatness! Always look forward and keep moving forward!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
Baggage. We all have it. It is the stuff we carry around with us. All those little anxieties and insecurities that we carry with us from one day to the next, one relationship to the next, one experience to the next. We can learn it, inherit it, create it, or have it thrust upon us but what we do with it and how we carry it is up to us. It is our choice in how we handle that baggage.
I have often been called a ‘bag lady’. I love a good purse of any size…but honestly, the bigger the better! And it is in the purse, I carry EVERYTHING! I went from teacher bag to diaper bag to giant purse. I have also carried everything for everyone else. I have everything for everyone all the time. “I put in in your purse…” “It is in my purse somewhere…” are common phrases in my family. But when I slowed down and started cleaning out my purse, I realized how much crap I was carrying that was not mine and how much of my own crap that I was carrying that I did not need. I had been so insecure and afraid for years that I was carrying things ‘just in case’ out of sheer fear. I needed to unpack. I needed to prioritize what was important to ME and face the fear head on.
When I started to unpack my emotional baggage, I realized that it was taking over and defining me. Emotional baggage slows and sometimes stops us from reaching our goals. We head into emotional overwhelm without really ever realizing it. I was not just overwhelmed…..I was buried and suffocating! I needed to find a way to lighten the load.
Unpacking was not fast nor easy and I often feel like it will never really end. But just like cleaning out a purse, we have to sort and get rid of what we do not need any more.
I no longer want to carry around a steamer trunk, or even a large purse, full of stuff I don’t need. I am downsizing like a flight attendant with a small, carefully curated bag filled with only the necessities in travel sized containers.
The bag I carry now is smaller. It is packed intentionally with only what will serve me in this next stage of my life. What are you carrying around stuff that is not yours? Are you carrying around stuff that is no longer serving you? It is time to unpack and travel a little lighter.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
Emancipation Day
Independence Day
Liberation Day
Release Day
Got My Name Back Day
Freedom Day
Today is the 3rd anniversary of my divorce. Getting to this point cost me 25 years of my life and thousands of dollars however the emotional toll it took on me and my kids cost the most. Therefore, I honor the journey!
With each year that passes, I can see more clearly that this day is truly a day to celebrate. It is the day I took my life back. It is the day I decided I wanted more. It is the day I took my name and my life back.
The first year was hard. It was difficult to have faith in myself and my abilities. The constant fighting of the previous 2 years during the divorce had consumed me. That had overflowed into all parts of my life. I could feel the overwhelm and began to see it in my friends and family too. They were tired FOR me. The final ruling from the judge was like a sigh of relief….for all of us.
It was then on me to find my way forward.
Year 2 was so much better. I was finding my way and getting stronger with each passing day. I was discovering who I was at this point in my life and creating my new identity. It was like peeling the layers of an onion. With each victory and each setback I was learning and I was moving in the right direction.
I was finding my way forward.
Year 3 was one of the best yet! I have made so many gains and realized dreams that I never thought possible….a best selling book, a job I love, becoming a Certified Professional Life Coach, public speaking, emotional and financial stability…. the list goes on and on. I feel that I am becoming the woman I was always meant to be.
I am finding my way forward.
So today, just like each year on this day, I remember the courage it took to free myself. I remember how hard I fought to save my family. I remember how hard I fought to save myself and create a better life for my children. I remember the mistakes I made and all the lessons I learned in the process. Instead of focusing on the pain, I find comfort in the good times and growth. I know, deep in my soul, that I am stronger and capable of so much more than I ever imagined. I am moving forward, focused on the future.
I am courageous. I am brave. I am empowered. I am free. I am ME!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
I SHOULD go to college.
I SHOULD move home.
I SHOULD take the job.
I SHOULD date the guy.
I SHOULD get married.
I have been ‘Shoulding” all over myself for years. I bought the message that I SHOULD do what others wanted me to do in order to make THEM happy. I stayed in my lane and did what was expected. My way of thinking I was being a rebel was instead of going to the Big 10 school, I went to the small Catholic College. Instead of moving home for long, I moved into an apartment I could not afford. Instead of taking the job with a public school, I went for the Catholic school that paid nothing. Instead of dating the guys that were stable, I chose the “bad boys” that paid attention to me. Instead of seeing the red flags right in front of me, I ignored them and married the man waving those flags. During my divorce, I SHOULD myself into making decisions I never would have made had I listened to and trusted myself.
I SHOULD myself into so many corners in my life to make others happy and gain their approval.
So I made a choice to stop.
I cleaned up the SHOULD and put it away.
I realized that once I stopped “SHOULDing” on myself, once I started trusting myself, I was happier. I was more fulfilled. It is not easy and it is often scary to trust myself. Honestly, things do not always go as planned and often go wrong but the blame for that lands solely on me.
I also realized that I was “SHOULDing” on my kids. I see them making what appear to me to be mistakes, but I have to allow them the freedom to make those choices and see what happens. Glennon Doyle write in her book Untamed, “A woman becomes a responsible parent when she stops being an obedient daughter.“
I want to be a responsible parent and that means I have to stop SHOULDing on myself to make others happy. I need to stop being the obedient daughter because I want more for me and for my children.
I want my children, now young adults, to make choices based on the fact that they WANT to not because they SHOULD. I want them to be independent decision makers. The SHOULD cycle stops now.
So now when I am faced with a choice, I ask myself, “Am I doing this because I SHOULD do it (to meet someone else’s expectations) or do I WANT to do it(my choice)?” That question alone often stops me in my tracks and helps me refocus…from having a snack (should I eat this because it is lunch time(expected) or am I really hungry(I want it)?) to starting a business (should I do this because she wants me as a business partner or do I want to be a business owner?)
Taking back my WANT and putting away my SHOULD has been one of the biggest changes that has helped me move forward in my life.
Are you SHOULDing all over yourself? Is it time to clean up the SHOULD and take back the WANT? Together we can move forward with less SHOULD and more WANT!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forewardisapace
Kristine Binder 