Envy

Envy…it is really not a good thing. However, recently envy opened my eyes to a new view. I was looking at some younger friends of mine…30 somethings that have awesome PB (pre-baby) bodies. They work out and work hard to maintain their figures. I longed for an unobstructed view of my toes and the ability to NOT wear a bra every minute of the day without tripping over my boobs.  Oh, the joys of youth!

Ok…so I have never been a tiny girl. I have always had curves but 20 years ago my hills were up a bit higher and the valleys were not so deep. But it all got me to thinking about my body. I spent years being unhappy in the skin I was in trying every diet I could find and often making myself sick. I even took up smoking to reduce my appetite and developed a 2 pack a day habit. That did not end well. Quitting was not only difficult, it helped me gain all of the weight back! I lost weight to get married and then promptly gained it all back within the first year of marriage…along with additional weight…due to the fact that I got pregnant.

So…I gave it all some thought and realized that after 46 years, I am finally happy with this body I have. I took a long look in a full length mirror and here is what I saw….
My face – It is a pretty enough face that looks younger than its years. There are lines but they are from many smiles and much laughter.
My arms – they are getting more defined and are really long. All the better to hug my children and my friends.Tight hugs are priceless.
My boobs – They used to be perky. Never really small, but always perky. So now I get up every morning and watch them try to defy gravity as they race towards the floor.  They have seen a lot of action feeding 4 hungry kids for 6-9 months at a time. They never let one of those kids go hungry. So now they hang low and empty, sadly longing to be useful. They are still beautiful in an iconic sort of fashion.
My belly – No,  I do not have an unobstructed view of my feet but I do have a view of the wonderful place that stretched to house my 4 little darlings. It was a warm and cozy spot that they did not want to vacate!
My legs – Ahhh my pride and joy. They are not twig small but Sequoya sized and long. They have come a long way in my 46 years from jello like wobbly to strong and sturdy. They have carried this old girl many a mile…sometimes seizing up and rebelling but always seeing me through to the end. The are long enough to require me to always pay extra for ‘long’ and ‘tall’ length pants thus the reason I wear so many skirts and dresses!  I am proud of my tree trunks. They are beautiful and strong.
My heart – It has grown so much in my time here on earth. It has been broken many times but manages to repair itself and come back even stronger. I am constantly amazed at its resilience and adaptability. It is constantly growing and changing and transforming.

So that is me…I have no real reason to envy the body of youth. I have a beautiful body and wisdom to know how to use it to its fullest potential! Which of your body parts are you most proud of? Peace.

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