Once upon a time
I dreamed of a husband that was my best friend.
Once upon a time
I dreamed of a big house filled with family.
One upon a time
I dreamed of nights around the table with my kids, playing games, laughing and creating core memories.
Once upon a time
I HAD that big house and big family
However, the house was filled secrets and the family was filled with chaos.
Had I known that my dreams would become something of nightmares, maybe I would have had different dreams.
Now, as I enter my 57th year standing on the balcony of my small rental condo, my eyes filling with tears, I listen to the laughter of my kids and their significant others. I see them all sitting and standing together, just happy to share space. I smell the ‘team effort’ dinner that is almost ready. I stand here taking it all in and realize that my current reality is so much better than that of my dreams.
I no longer have a spouse but I have realized that I am far stronger and more capable than I ever realized. I can do it all on my own.
I don’t have a big house but I now have a home that is a safe space for not only my own kids, but their friends and my friends too. I have a big family that is still chaotic but in the best way possible now. We laugh, cry, disagree, play games, communicate, get loud, get quiet, are protective of each other and love each other fiercely.
Here’s the thing about dreams, eventually you have to wake up and face reality and my reality is looking pretty good right now.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s