Eight

Eight.
Eight years ago I wrote what would become my last ‘family’ Christmas letter. I did not know at the time it would be my last letter, but what I did know is that my family was in the process of falling apart. For the previous 20 years I had written yearly letters that people would tell me that they anticipated receiving each year. Each year I would write a small paragraph about family updates and the remainder of the letter was about the true spirit of the season. 
I went back to reread that last letter and was brought right back to that time in my life. “Emmanuel….God with us. Emmanuel …God with me. This year there were plenty of times I wondered if God was with us or with me. As the world seems to become more and more unstable, I wonder where God is. I long to feel his presence in the chaos of the world and my own life.
This year was about trust, faith and finding God. As my children grow and change, I need to trust in my faith that they will find their path and find God on their own terms. I have to trust in my faith, finding God in my changing world as well. When the Angel Gabriel came to Mary she let go of the “why me” and looked to “what now?”. Desperate times call for desperate faith.  Fear did not hold her hostage or paralyze her faith. Mary had faith in God’s plan and found strength in his words.  She trusted that while she may not completely understand the path she would take, she just needed to put one foot in front of the other and let God show her the way. The angel Gabriel told Mary her son would be called Emmanuel, meaning God with us.  God wanted to immerse himself in our world to experience our fear, pain, and joy so that we could know his power, his wisdom, his forgiveness and his love.  Jesus, born that holy night long ago, is Emmanuel, God with us, Hope of the world. He is the Grace that saves us and the Love that heals us. He is the reminder that we are never alone.  God is at work in and around us. We may not see his hand, hear his voice, or understand his process but we can rest assured that he is leading the way…..Emmanuel. God IS with us.
During this season of Christmas, follow Mary’s example turning the “why me’s’ into “what now’s” Have faith in God’s plan for your life, finding strength in His word. Put one foot in front of the other letting God lead the way. Celebrate Emmanuel, God with us …and in you. May your new year be filled with gratitude, grace, happiness, opportunity, faith and peace.”
Over the last 8 years, a lot has transformed, yet a significant portion of my life remains unchanged. I’ve made some choices I am not proud of  and uttered words that I deeply wish I could retract, particularly in matters concerning my children. Conversely, I’ve also made decisions that fill me with immense pride, unearthing reservoirs of strength I never knew existed within me. Enduring years of therapy, delving into my emotions, and understanding the root causes of my behaviors have fundamentally altered me to my core. I’ve come to accept that I can’t alter the past, but what I can do is extract valuable lessons from it and move forward  in the best way possible. Observing the evolution of my own family during this 8-year span fills me with pride and directs my focus toward the future. When I first spoke to the court-appointed child advocate 8 years ago, my only request was simple: that my children stay together and receive the necessary therapy, regardless of what that looked like at the time. My foremost desire has always been for my children to lean on and rely on each other. Witnessing them now, they’ve become each other’s anchors and closest confidants. They may still fight fierce battles like cats and dogs, but they’ve also emerged as each other’s most steadfast 
Now that they have all gone off and are creating lives of their own, I cherish the small moments we spend together. I often take a step back, inhale deeply, and watch them together, thinking I am the luckiest mom on the planet. I really am so blessed as I continue to follow Mary’s example of “what now” continuously putting one foot in front of the other letting God lead the way. May your new year be filled with gratitude, grace, happiness, opportunity, faith and peace.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace