Sometimes I get so confused and overwhelmed. I am a person who needs answers. What I have realized is that not everything has an answer. Not everything is going to make sense. To be honest, some things will never make sense, ever…and I just have to move on and move forward the best I know how. Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need so we have to create the closure by saying goodbye to what we do know, and just let the rest just go. Something that helps me with the release is thinking of all the good things I have learned from whatever it is and why I will be better off putting that energy elsewhere. Here’s the thing…when we hold things in our hands, waiting until they make sense to let go, our hands are full. We have no room to accept and hold the new things that are waiting for us. So today, let go of something you have been holding on to looking for that closure. It is not coming anytime soon so let it go. We are ready. We can do it. I believe in you and in me! Release. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
You know it’s okay to be happy, right? Sometimes we suppress our happiness. Sometimes we suppress our happiness so that we don’t make others feel bad. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we feel we don’t really deserve to be happy. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we don’t feel worthy of happiness. Happiness is for everyone. Everyone deserves to feel happy sometimes. Everyone goes through ups and downs all throughout life and some days we are so happy want to dance or shout it from the rooftops! Sometimes when we are in a happy place, others might be going through a difficult time. Your ability to shine your light and share your happiness allows others to feel hopeful. Happiness is a gift. It is a gift to be celebrated, cherished and shared. Those who love you will be so happy for you when things are going well in your life. Just as we can also be happy for others when things are going well for them too. Do not ever think that your happiness is taking anything away from someone else. We want others to be happy because when others are happy, it helps us all to be happy too. So today, take a deep breath, think only happy thoughts, turn your face to the sun and soak up every bit of that warm sunlight! Happiness is good. You are worthy of happiness today and every day. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
It is a word to which I feel connected. It is a word that is all over my home and how I sign my emails and posts. It is a place and feeling I have been searching for for a long time. It was not until the gift of the pandemic that I realized I have arrived into peace. It is a strange feeling. When you live your life in hyper-vigilance and trauma for so long you forget when it feels like to really breathe, slowly and intentionally. I was talking to a friend the other day and said it is strange not to have to explain why I want to do nothing but knit or read. Why choosing to do nothing, or everything, in a day is liberating. Why sitting still feels so strange. For years I killed myself in my home, as a mom and in my career. I was exhausted and made to believe that I was still not doing enough. “Why are you so tired?” (after teaching all day, driving kids all over, coaching, cooking dinner and doing other work) “What did you do all day?” (after keeping kids alive and out of the er, fed and happy all day plus house chores) “Why is (insert anything) not done yet?” (after doing all the things and fixing all the things and cooking all the things) I was conditioned to believe that I was not enough, I was not doing enough, and I was “lazy”. Yes, conditioned to believe those lies because I am a people pleaser (more on that trauma response later). I did not want to disappoint anyone. I did not want anyone to be angry with me so I killed myself….slowly and deliberately …. For the happiness of others. What I failed to realize at the time is that I could NEVER make them happy. The more I gave, the more they demanded. I had no boundaries. Over the past 6 years, I have learned boundaries. I have learned balance. I have learned to honor myself. It took a global pandemic to drive home the “slow down” message. I learned that slowing down to sit and knit, watch a whole movie, read a book or go for a long walk is ok. I am not “lazy” when I do those things. I am at peace. I do not have to be constantly moving. I do not have to give all of me in the name of the happiness of others. I do not have to explain my activity(or lack thereof) to anyone. I still want to make others happy (remember…people pleaser!) but I want to do it on my terms. It is not easy but I know what it feels like now to be at peace…..and I like it. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
I used to be really embarrassed about telling people that I was divorced. I used to be mortified to walk around my community. Why? My wasband chose himself and infidelity over our family. But then I stopped giving a shit. Unless you have been cheated on, you have no idea what it is like to trust again. Unless you have been abused, you have no idea what it is to deal with that kind of trauma. Unless you’ve been divorced, you have no idea what goes into making a decision like divorce. No one just wakes up and decides to get a divorce for no reason…especially when kids are involved. Divorces are really, really hard. Your whole life gets flipped upside down and you have to start all over again. Let’s be real, no good marriage ends in divorce. I tried….for years. I tried everything to make it work but then I realized I was the only one doing the work. I was the only one changing. I was the only one being faithful. I was the only one being abused. I was also the one showing my kids what to expect from marriage. So I made a decision to save myself and my kids. I stopped feeling embarrassed or guilty and so should you. I realized that the people who are passing judgement have no idea how hard it was for any one to have to make the decision to divorce. They have no idea how much work gets put into the marriage to try to make it work before coming to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. They have no idea how difficult it is to deal with lawyers, courts and the legal system. They have no idea the financial and emotional toll that divorce takes on the entire family. Not everyone is going to understand your divorce. Not everyone’s going to agree with your divorce. It would be amazing if family and friends supported us and our choices. It would be awesome if people kept their opinions to themselves. However, sometimes those things are just not possible. People are going to be judgmental regardless. So let them judge! That is on them and not you or me. I stopped giving a shit…and so should you. Peace. #tutulady #forwardisapace
These kids. My kids. They have been though a lot as individuals and together. They are the cause of my grey hair, my tears and my laugh lines. They are the source of my pride and the origin of my insanity! They build each other up more than they tear each other down. They may be at different ages and stages of life, but watching them share space as they grow and mature fills up my momma heart. I find peace in the fact that long after I am gone, they will still have each other….. and the memories of our times together. I have, and always will be, their Kristine (mom)… whether they like it or not…. they can work that out in therapy! Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 