Tag: divorce

Eight

Kristine Binder

Eight.
Eight years ago I wrote what would become my last ‘family’ Christmas letter. I did not know at the time it would be my last letter, but what I did know is that my family was in the process of falling apart. For the previous 20 years I had written yearly letters that people would tell me that they anticipated receiving each year. Each year I would write a small paragraph about family updates and the remainder of the letter was about the true spirit of the season. 
I went back to reread that last letter and was brought right back to that time in my life. “Emmanuel….God with us. Emmanuel …God with me. This year there were plenty of times I wondered if God was with us or with me. As the world seems to become more and more unstable, I wonder where God is. I long to feel his presence in the chaos of the world and my own life.
This year was about trust, faith and finding God. As my children grow and change, I need to trust in my faith that they will find their path and find God on their own terms. I have to trust in my faith, finding God in my changing world as well. When the Angel Gabriel came to Mary she let go of the “why me” and looked to “what now?”. Desperate times call for desperate faith.  Fear did not hold her hostage or paralyze her faith. Mary had faith in God’s plan and found strength in his words.  She trusted that while she may not completely understand the path she would take, she just needed to put one foot in front of the other and let God show her the way. The angel Gabriel told Mary her son would be called Emmanuel, meaning God with us.  God wanted to immerse himself in our world to experience our fear, pain, and joy so that we could know his power, his wisdom, his forgiveness and his love.  Jesus, born that holy night long ago, is Emmanuel, God with us, Hope of the world. He is the Grace that saves us and the Love that heals us. He is the reminder that we are never alone.  God is at work in and around us. We may not see his hand, hear his voice, or understand his process but we can rest assured that he is leading the way…..Emmanuel. God IS with us.
During this season of Christmas, follow Mary’s example turning the “why me’s’ into “what now’s” Have faith in God’s plan for your life, finding strength in His word. Put one foot in front of the other letting God lead the way. Celebrate Emmanuel, God with us …and in you. May your new year be filled with gratitude, grace, happiness, opportunity, faith and peace.”
Over the last 8 years, a lot has transformed, yet a significant portion of my life remains unchanged. I’ve made some choices I am not proud of  and uttered words that I deeply wish I could retract, particularly in matters concerning my children. Conversely, I’ve also made decisions that fill me with immense pride, unearthing reservoirs of strength I never knew existed within me. Enduring years of therapy, delving into my emotions, and understanding the root causes of my behaviors have fundamentally altered me to my core. I’ve come to accept that I can’t alter the past, but what I can do is extract valuable lessons from it and move forward  in the best way possible. Observing the evolution of my own family during this 8-year span fills me with pride and directs my focus toward the future. When I first spoke to the court-appointed child advocate 8 years ago, my only request was simple: that my children stay together and receive the necessary therapy, regardless of what that looked like at the time. My foremost desire has always been for my children to lean on and rely on each other. Witnessing them now, they’ve become each other’s anchors and closest confidants. They may still fight fierce battles like cats and dogs, but they’ve also emerged as each other’s most steadfast 
Now that they have all gone off and are creating lives of their own, I cherish the small moments we spend together. I often take a step back, inhale deeply, and watch them together, thinking I am the luckiest mom on the planet. I really am so blessed as I continue to follow Mary’s example of “what now” continuously putting one foot in front of the other letting God lead the way. May your new year be filled with gratitude, grace, happiness, opportunity, faith and peace.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Nests

Kristine Binder

Nests. Home. So, here I am, standing at the threshold of what some might call an “empty nest.” Yes, it’s true – all my kids have flown the coop and are off living their best lives. But let me tell you something:
I couldn’t be more excited about it!
You see, I’ve never been a fan of that term “empty nester.” It has this connotation of sadness, of something missing or lost. But I prefer to think of myself as a “bird launcher.” Why, you ask? Because I’ve launched my kids into the world where they can spread their wings and soar, living their best life on their own terms. And you know what? That’s a reason to celebrate!
Watching my children embark on their own journeys, pursuing their dreams, and making their way in the world fills my heart with joy(and a tad bit of fear if I am being totally honest!) I’ve always believed in giving them the freedom to make their own choices, and now they have the opportunity to do just that.
Sure, my home may be quieter now, and I have a little more free time on my hands. But that’s not a bad thing at all. It’s a chance for me to rediscover parts of myself. A chance for me to dust off those dreams that I put away on a shelf while I was busy raising my kids. It’s a time to finish those projects I started, pursue new passions, and simply enjoy life in a different way.
Think about it like this: if birds never left their nests, those nests would become crowded and cramped. An empty nest, on the other hand, is a sign that the family has grown and evolved. It’s a natural progression of life, and it’s something to be celebrated.
My kids have strong wings, and they know they can always return home when they need a rest or some of Momma’s home cooking. And you know what? That’s perfectly okay by me. I’ll always be here to offer support and love (food and laundry too!)
I don’t mourn the so-called “empty nest” stage of life. I embrace it as the “bird launcher” phase, and so should you! This is the time you get to see your children spread their wings and discover the world. It’s a time for both them and you to flourish, grow, and savor the freedom that comes with it.
Here’s to the next exciting chapter in life!
The nest may be empty but the wings are strong and this momma’s heart is so full.
Peace, 
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Barbie

Kristine Binder

 I often feel like I live in a Barbie world, where pink isn’t just a color; it’s a way of life! My world, a world that often feels like it’s right out of a Barbie dream house, is one that I have carefully curated after my divorce. 
Growing up, I was always enamored with Barbie dolls. The bright pink accessories, the endless wardrobe options, and the glamorous lifestyle – it all seemed like a fantasy come true. And you know what? As I’ve gotten older and after seeing the Barbie movie, I’ve realized that there’s a lot that I have learned from Barbie’s world about embracing imperfections, joy, self-expression, and living life to the fullest.
Barbie embraces her uniqueness and independence. She is not afraid to try different professions and adventures.  She is not defined by others; she defines herself. Being an independent woman means celebrating my autonomy and owning my choices. She has taught me to never underestimate the power of my independence and the influence I can have.
In Barbie’s world, she’s a doctor, a chef, an astronaut, a fashion designer, and so much more. This has taught me, and countless other girls and women, that we can be anything we want to be. Living in a Barbie world means pursuing my passions with unwavering determination. Whether it’s my dream job or a hobby I’m passionate about, I should not be afraid to chase my ambitions and make them a reality.
Barbie built a sisterhood and I too can create a supportive environment for myself and other women. I can choose to surround myself with others who lift me up, support my goals, and celebrate my successes. I can also choose friends and mentors who share my vision and provide grace and guidance.
Barbie’s dream house is a testament to her impeccable style and …well….the color PINK! Barbie’s world encourages me to create a beautiful environment that reflects my personality and brings me joy. Whether it’s decorating my space with vibrant colors, earth tones, fluffy pillows, comfy furniture or antiques, I can infuse my surroundings with elements that make me feel like I’m living in my own dream house.
As I listened to America Ferrara deliver her powerful monologue in the movie I was moved to tears about what it means to be a woman. I was reminded to cherish my strengths as an independent woman, that my strength comes from within, and it’s a source of endless inspiration. 
As a mother it is my hope that I have taught my daughters to embrace their unique talents, resilience, and wisdom. As a woman, I hope that I have shown others not only my strength but also my weaknesses and vulnerabilities because it is these qualities that have empowered me to overcome challenges and seize opportunities.Living in a Barbie world is not just about pink dresses and dream houses; it’s about embracing a mindset of joy, self-expression, and limitless possibilities. Barbie has taught me to infuse a little glamor, whimsy, and sparkle into my  life. After all, my world is whatever I make of it. Why not make it fabulous? Time and Barbie has also taught me is that life as an independent woman is a journey filled with ups and downs. I need to embrace it. I need  to cherish the moments of triumph and learn from the setbacks. Every step I take adds depth and richness to my story. My journey is uniquely mine, and it’s worth every moment. And so is your! Now Get out there and LIVE!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Office

Kristine Binder

Ever since I watched the first episode of Sex and the City, I’ve always harbored a deep desire to have a desk positioned by a window where I could write, just like Carrie Bradshaw. This dream has always held a special place in my heart, not only as a woman but also as a writer. Writing has been a passion of mine, but for quite some time, my own writing journey seems to be lost. I couldn’t seem to find  my voice. I didn’t know the sound of my own voice and if I did, I could not hear myself.
Over the years, I have written about all sorts of things – my thoughts while running, my difficult experience with divorce, and the overwhelming weight of loss and grief. Sine the pandemic, finding my  voice became a difficult task. But then, something remarkable happened; it was as if someone had flipped a switch inside my mind. It is as if somebody turned on the keyboard in my brain and said just start writing. And so I did. And I have. The words come to me at all times of the day and the night. People wonder why am up sometimes at 3 AM sometimes. And it’s not my cortisol levels! I mean it might be my cortisol levels but sometimes I get an idea and I want to start writing. The words are there and I can’t get them out fast enough …. I just want to write.
It seems that creating a space where I am able write, surrounded by things I find inspirational and beautiful didn’t just open up a door to that space, but it opened up a door to my mind, the door to closet where the words have been stored. I don’t know exactly what form my voice will take now, but I do know that the words are starting  to flow….. 
Like the sun like flows through the window into  my brand new office.
Peace.
#forwardisapace
#tutulady

Rainbows

Kristine Binder

ABC countdown – Letter R
R is for rainbow
R is also for rough, respect and report.
It was was R for rainbow day. If you know anything about me you know that I am all about a theme day! And a theme day when I can wear a tutu? YES PLEASE! Plus looking silly is my jam!
Midday I walked to the local Wendy’s to pick up lunch for teammates (not even my own!). While I was there a man started a conversation with me. I said I know I look silly and explained why. He then became agitated and stated calling me a ‘groomer’ and that rainbows had no place in schools. He then said he was going to take my photo and send to the the ‘school district.’ I kindly asked him not to take my picture and this enraged him. He got louder and the employee asked him to leave me alone and not take my picture……well…he was really angry now. He started to walk out and stated that he was going to wait for me outside. He did walk outside and got into a vehicle owned by the city. When I left he did follow me for a bit until I took a photo of the truck.
I returned to school, filed a police report and also called the Inspector General of our city to make a report. I was and am concerned for my students and their families that frequent that Wendy’s. This man may have gay/queer people that work with him! Does he think all LQBTQIA+ people are a walking pride parade like I was today? No. They are everyday people in the community.
Please do not comment “I’m sorry.” My first call on the way back to school, while still shaking, was to my son. I apologized to him that this is his reality. And I cried. One year ago we were in the ER getting him stitched because a homophobe bashed my sons face into a wall.
This is what the LGBTQIA+ community faces in a daily basis. This is why I am and will always be a fierce ally. Allyship is not easy nor fun.
The most ironic part of it all? Look at my hat…. “Be Kind”
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace