Tag: divorce

Lost

Kristine Binder

There are days when I focus on what I lost and days when I focus on all I gained. The good usually outweighs the bad, but some days I still wonder…
As a parent, I often found myself lost in the divorce process without any clear direction of my own. This lack of direction led me to miss out on precious opportunities and strained the relationships I had with my children. The old adage, “if you can see it, you can be it,” didn’t seem to apply to me. All I could see were my own flaws, inadequacies, and unresolved traumas. I had no one to turn to, no role model to guide me on how to be a better parent or even how to just be. In this process, I feel I failed my children and lost a part of them.
Watching my kids grow up and become independent has been both a source of immense pride and a bittersweet reminder of the time and connection I feel I lost. Our job as parents is to create independent adults who can navigate the world on their own, and in this, I believe I succeeded. I am incredibly proud of each of my children. They have grown into wonderfully productive and amazing adults. However, I often wish their growth had happened in a more nurturing and supportive environment rather than under the pressures and challenges we faced.
I can’t help but wonder how different things might have been. Would our relationships be stronger if circumstances had been different? Perhaps. But perhaps something else would have strained our bonds. It’s impossible to know for sure. What I do know is that once I was able to ‘just be their mom,’ I did my best with the tools and knowledge I had.
Parenting is a journey without a definitive guidebook. Each of us stumbles through it even in the best of circumstances, learning as we go, often making mistakes along the way. I have made many, and for those, I will continue to apologize. My hope is that someday, my children will offer me grace and forgiveness. In the meantime, I hold onto the moments of connection and the pride I feel for the incredible individuals they are and have become.
I realize that every parent faces their own struggles and triumphs. It’s easy to focus on the losses and the “what ifs”, but it’s equally important to acknowledge the gains and the growth. My children’s resilience and success are testaments to their strength and the unwavering love that I have always had, and always will have, for them. And for that, I am profoundly grateful.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Peace

Kristine Binder

This morning, I woke up in my happy place. Yet, something felt different. As I sipped my coffee, gazing at the water and listening to the birds, it struck me: today is Independence Day, a day we celebrate freedom. But today, it wasn’t just about national freedom; it was about my personal freedom. For the first time in what feels like forever, I am at peace. For over half my life, I lived in fear, always bracing for the next shoe to drop, tirelessly trying to maintain peace around me. The anxiety of keeping everything and everyone in balance was a heavy burden. But now, that chapter is closed. The peace I feel now is so profound, so tangible, that it’s almost overwhelming. To anyone who has spent years wondering when the turmoil will end, take heart: it does end. There is peace after the storm. When you finally reach that moment when the world allows you to truly exhale for what feels like the first time in your adult life, it’s like a weight is lifted. The constant feeling of impending doom dissipates, and what remains is pure, unadulterated peace. Even though our country may feel scary and uncertain right now, peace is still possible. The hope for that peace is what drives us forward. Our nation’s current challenges can make it hard to believe in a peaceful future, but it’s crucial to hold onto that hope. It is hope that sustains us, fuels our resilience, and lights the way to a brighter, more peaceful tomorrow. I share my journey, the good, bad and inbetween to give others hope. Hope that things do get better. Hope that there is a way forward. Hope that a future filled with peace is possible. On this Independence Day, I celebrate not just the freedom of our nation, but the profound personal freedom that has finally brought me real peace. Peace is out there, waiting for you. Keep moving forward, and I promise that you will find it.

Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace

Entitled

Kristine Binder

This morning, I went out for a run by myself. It was my own neighborhood, broad daylight, at 6am. As I waited to cross the street at a crosswalk, a car turned right in front of me. A man in a Honda SUV rolled down his passenger side window, looked at me, and said, “Can I ask you something?” I looked at him, confused, and said, “Excuse me?”
He asked again, “Can I ask you something?” I said nothing, and then he said, “Are you single? You’re hot!”
I glared at him with dagger eyes and said, “What the fuck is wrong with you?!” He smiled and sped off.
This is what women deal with on a daily basis in society: men thinking they can roll up on women and talk to them just because they’re men. I didn’t want to be bothered while I was on a run, but this man took it upon himself to not only interrupt me but to think that he was entitled to my attention.
This is misogyny. This is male entitlement.
This is the world women live in—one of constant fear of men who feel entitled. Misogyny isn’t just about overt hostility or discrimination; it’s about the pervasive, everyday encounters that remind women of their place in a male-centered society. It’s the entitlement that some men feel, believing they have the right to invade a woman’s personal space, disrupt her peace, and impose their desires on her. This toxic entitlement often extends beyond gender, affecting anyone who doesn’t fit into the narrow mold of hetero-normative, cisgender men, including those of different religions, LGBTQIA individuals, and anyone who looks different.
Running should be a simple, peaceful activity, but for women, it often comes with the added burden of dealing with unwanted attention and harassment. What should be a moment of personal freedom and health becomes overshadowed by the fear of what might happen next. This fear isn’t irrational; it’s rooted in countless experiences where a common activity turns unsafe.
This morning’s encounter is just one of countless instances where women are forced to confront the reality of misogyny and male entitlement head-on. It’s exhausting, infuriating, and, unfortunately, all too common.
All I wanted was to go for a run to release some stress and gain some sanity. What I got was another reminder that no place is completely safe for women, or anyone other than hetero-normative men.
Acknowledging these challenges is the first step toward change. By sharing our experiences and refusing to stay silent, we can push for a world where everyone can feel safe and respected, no matter where they are or what they’re doing.
Has something like this ever happened to you? What have you done? How have you handled it in the moment and the aftermath?
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Books

Kristine Binder

As a mother, there are certain values and passions you hope to instill in your children. For me, one of those values has always been a love of reading. I’ve often said no to candies and toys, but never to books. I can not ever say not to a book! Seeing my kids immerse themselves in the world of literature has been a dream come true, and recently, I’ve had the immense pleasure of rediscovering my own love of reading alongside them.
The other day, I overheard a conversation between two of my daughters. They were enthusiastically discussing a book series they had both started reading. As I listened to them talk about the characters and the plot twists, I couldn’t help but be transported back in time to when they were kids. Back then, they used to argue over who got to read a particular book first, each eagerly waiting for their turn. It was a beautiful chaos of sibling rivalry driven by a shared love for stories. Fighting over a book? A teacher mom’s dream come true!
What warmed my heart even more was when their brother chimed in and expressed his interest in the same book series. It was as if a new chapter had begun in our family’s love affair with books. The joy and camaraderie they found in discussing their latest reading interests was a testament to the enduring power of stories to bring people together.
Fostering a love of reading in my children was always a goal of mine. I wanted them to experience the magic of getting lost in a good book, to feel the excitement of turning each page, and to understand the endless possibilities that books offer. To see them not only embrace reading but also pass it on to each other fills my heart.
Now that my kids are all grown up and continue to share their love of books and reading, my momma heart is full. It’s a reminder that the values we instill in our children can endure and shape their lives well into adulthood. Knowing that they will carry this love for books with them throughout their lives is a source of immense pride and joy for me.
So, to all the parents out there who hope to foster a love of reading in their children, keep at it. Encourage them to explore new worlds through the pages of a book, and share your own passion for reading with them. You never know how far that love for books will take them and how it might bring your family closer together.
Peace, 
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Masters

Kristine Binder

I did it! After dedicating over three decades to teaching and repeatedly uttering the word ‘Never’ in relation to pursuing a Master’s Degree, I can proudly say that I’ve accomplished it. Not only did I earn my Master’s, but I also secured an additional ESL endorsement on my teaching license. In the spring, in a full cap and gown, I will receive my diploma…something I have not done since 1988!
When I initially started my teaching journey, a Master’s Degree wasn’t deemed crucial by many. So, I held off. I convinced myself that I didn’t really need it. Financial constraints entered the picture when I got married, making it a practical conversation. Affording it seemed impossible, and even if I did manage, the compensation wouldn’t have made a significant difference, not to mention the lengthy time it would take to recover the expenses. Thus, I pushed the idea out of my mind.
About a year and a half ago, my network presented teachers with the opportunity to join a cohort and attain an ESL endorsement. Intrigued, I took the chance. The experience not only enriched my teaching methods but also brought to light a level of expertise that I had forgotten I possessed, benefiting younger teachers.
Upon completion, I found myself yearning for more. I decided it was time to do something for myself, something solely for me. I enrolled in additional classes, covering the costs myself, to pursue my Master’s Degree. It turned out to be a transformative journey, enhancing not only my teaching skills but also my coaching practice. I gained certifications as a mediator and a certified divorce and family mediator. I delved into the realm of video production, enriching both my business and teaching methods.
This phase of my life feels like a manifestation of my dreams and the achievement of goals I once thought were impossible. So much has changed, and I’m eager to embrace the upcoming year filled with even more greatness!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace