Tag: forward is a pace

Cost

Kristine Binder

Money. The cost of things. budgets. Math. Numbers. Money. Money. Money. Cost. Cost. Cost.
Money has always been my kryptonite. Money causes me more anxiety than anything else in my life. Money has been used as a means of control and ‘forced’ love for as long as I can remember. The cost of things in my life has always been high.
I learned as a young kid that nothing was free. Even gifts came with strings attached. As I grew older, I thought I outgrew it as I became more independent…. I was wrong. The connection between love and money just became more entangled and more complex.
Throughout my marriage, my insecurity with money was exploited until it was no longer an insecurity, it was a disability.
I was told over and over that I was “bad with numbers” “horrible with budgets” “didn’t know basic math” “bad with money” until I believed it to my core. For over 20 years, I turned over my paycheck every month to my family and lived on $100 a week to feed my kids and me. When the utilities were disconnected, time and time again, I was told (and I believed) that it was because I was spending all the money and we were, in fact, broke. This was not the truth.
When I had my first meeting with a divorce attorney, I explained my financial situation. The look he gave me is seared into my memory. Then he said….”You work full time. You have money that is yours. You are not broke. You are in a financially abusive marriage.” I will never forget that moment. It was then I realized that my marriage was costing me more than money. It was costing me my sanity.
The days, months and years that followed that moment have cost me so much more than money. DO NOT get me wrong….Divorce is NOT cheap nor easy. However, it is WORTH IT! The additional, ancillary costs are what people do not count on nor realize until later.
My divorce has cost me dearly over the years. It has cost me my children. My children have been hurt deeply by the divorce and me….because I could not be the mom they needed or deserved for a while. It has cost me friendships and relationships. Friendships and relationships that I realized were not built to withstand something as devastating as divorce. It has cost me jobs. Jobs that I realized were not meant for a lifetime but meant as a stepping stone to something better. It has cost me my sanity and patience at times. My sanity and patience have been tested over and over during this process leading me to be more self aware, self confident and tolerant of myself and others.
While the past few years have cost me a great deal, they have also given me so much. I have gained so many things in this process. I have gained new, and stronger, friendships that I know can withstand any storm. I have gained newfound confidence in myself and my abilities. I have gained new, more adult, relationships with my kids. I have gained the realization that I always knew math, I just needed a deeper understanding of finances and financial literacy…something that no one ever teaches you. I have gained the knowledge that independence is priceless and it is something I will never again give away freely.
My new life cost me so much. It cost me my old life with interest. However, each day I am thankful I made that investment. I made an investment in me because I realized I was worth considerably more and deserved far better than how I was being treated and where I was…in a miserable, abusive marriage. The benefits from that investment far outweigh the costs. Each day that investment pays off in spades!
How much do you value of your life? What investment are you willing to make? What are you waiting for? Invest in yourself….it is an investment that ALWAYS pays off! You are WORTH IT!
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Baggage

Kristine Binder

Baggage. We all have it. It is the stuff we carry around with us. All those little anxieties and insecurities that we carry with us from one day to the next, one relationship to the next, one experience to the next. We can learn it, inherit it, create it, or have it thrust upon us but what we do with it and how we carry it is up to us. It is our choice in how we handle that baggage.
I have often been called a ‘bag lady’. I love a good purse of any size…but honestly, the bigger the better! And it is in the purse, I carry EVERYTHING! I went from teacher bag to diaper bag to giant purse. I have also carried everything for everyone else. I have everything for everyone all the time. “I put in in your purse…” “It is in my purse somewhere…” are common phrases in my family. But when I slowed down and started cleaning out my purse, I realized how much crap I was carrying that was not mine and how much of my own crap that I was carrying that I did not need. I had been so insecure and afraid for years that I was carrying things ‘just in case’ out of sheer fear. I needed to unpack. I needed to prioritize what was important to ME and face the fear head on.
When I started to unpack my emotional baggage, I realized that it was taking over and defining me. Emotional baggage slows and sometimes stops us from reaching our goals. We head into emotional overwhelm without really ever realizing it. I was not just overwhelmed…..I was buried and suffocating! I needed to find a way to lighten the load.
Unpacking was not fast nor easy and I often feel like it will never really end. But just like cleaning out a purse, we have to sort and get rid of what we do not need any more.
I no longer want to carry around a steamer trunk, or even a large purse, full of stuff I don’t need. I am downsizing like a flight attendant with a small, carefully curated bag filled with only the necessities in travel sized containers.
The bag I carry now is smaller. It is packed intentionally with only what will serve me in this next stage of my life. What are you carrying around stuff that is not yours? Are you carrying around stuff that is no longer serving you? It is time to unpack and travel a little lighter.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Divorcery

Kristine Binder
This was taken outside the courthouse
August 9, 2017

Emancipation Day
Independence Day
Liberation Day
Release Day
Got My Name Back Day
Freedom Day
Today is the 3rd anniversary of my divorce. Getting to this point cost me 25 years of my life and thousands of dollars however the emotional toll it took on me and my kids cost the most. Therefore, I honor the journey!
With each year that passes, I can see more clearly that this day is truly a day to celebrate. It is the day I took my life back. It is the day I decided I wanted more. It is the day I took my name and my life back.
The first year was hard. It was difficult to have faith in myself and my abilities. The constant fighting of the previous 2 years during the divorce had consumed me. That had overflowed into all parts of my life. I could feel the overwhelm and began to see it in my friends and family too. They were tired FOR me. The final ruling from the judge was like a sigh of relief….for all of us.
It was then on me to find my way forward.
Year 2 was so much better. I was finding my way and getting stronger with each passing day. I was discovering who I was at this point in my life and creating my new identity. It was like peeling the layers of an onion. With each victory and each setback I was learning and I was moving in the right direction.
I was finding my way forward.
Year 3 was one of the best yet! I have made so many gains and realized dreams that I never thought possible….a best selling book, a job I love, becoming a Certified Professional Life Coach, public speaking, emotional and financial stability…. the list goes on and on. I feel that I am becoming the woman I was always meant to be.
I am finding my way forward.
So today, just like each year on this day, I remember the courage it took to free myself. I remember how hard I fought to save my family. I remember how hard I fought to save myself and create a better life for my children. I remember the mistakes I made and all the lessons I learned in the process. Instead of focusing on the pain, I find comfort in the good times and growth. I know, deep in my soul, that I am stronger and capable of so much more than I ever imagined. I am moving forward, focused on the future.
I am courageous. I am brave. I am empowered. I am free. I am ME!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace



Suck

Kristine Binder
Runner and guide tethered together for safety.

“I hate running. It sucks ass…”
That was the text I get from a friend while out on my run today. As I finished reading her text, a runner and his guide passed me on the street moving at a pretty good clip, so much so that I barely got a photo of them. For those who are not aware, guides help impaired (visually, hearing, physically, etc)runners go for runs outside safely.
My friend was out for a run today too (hers much longer distance than mine, but I digress!) So I texted her the photo and wrote that yes, some days running sucks and some days running is good. Every day running makes us cry…sometimes good reasons and sometimes not so great ones. Embrace the suck today. Head up, shoulders back, it will be over soon.
We need to just embrace the suck and power through those runs. We need those sucky runs to appreciate the good ones.
It is the same with life. Not every day is sunshine, roses, unicorns and rainbows. Some days just inhaling and exhaling is a chore. Some days everything goes right and all the pieces fall into place effortlessly. Some days it all falls apart, we may lose critical pieces and Ikea furniture assembly is easier than our life. We have to learn to embrace it all. That DOES NOT mean we have to like it! We can yell and scream and complain…..we can sit in that suck for a bit but then we get up and move forward.
We need those crappy days in life in order to appreciate the good ones. We need the ability reach the high places in order to gain the perspective and know what is possible on the other side of the sucky low place.
I continued my run with open eyes and an open heart. I saw a cardinal (“Cardinals appear when angels are near”) that seemed to follow me for a bit. I saw a father and his young son playing on the baseball diamond. I took a break with my furry running buddy to allow him some “fetch” time on the tennis courts. Sidenote, we should all be as happy as this little pup gets when he is sprinting after his ball. I finished with a run through a sprinkler to cool off(something I usually avoid!).
Not every day is going to be great. Not every day is going to suck. Embrace each day for what it is. Find the small, good things because just like a run, it will eventually end. Eventually the run will be done and the day will end. Head up, shoulders back, embrace the suck. Tomorrow is a new day!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace