Tag: single mom

Lilacs

Kristine Binder

I was out for a walk today….but chose a different direction. That made all the difference.
Spring has sprung! The sights, smells and colors are a feast for the senses. I love lilies of the valley, viburnum and lilacs. The scent takes my right back to my childhood.
Today I stopped near an alley at a large lavender lilac bush taller than me by at last 4 feet. As I closed my eyes to inhale the sweet aroma, I was startled by an older woman on the other side of the fence. I took a step back as I had no mask on.
“Its fine, honey…..I got my shots!” the woman said.
I laughed and said, “Me too! Your lilacs are so beautiful!”
“Thank you. I didn’t think they would ever grow. My children would always pick bunches for their teachers every spring.”
“And wrap them in wet paper towels and tin foil?”
This time it was the lady that laughed…. “Yes! How did you know?!”
“I did the same thing! I love lilacs and loved giving them to my teachers too! I am a teacher now and sometimes students give them to me! Do your kids live close by?”
“Oh no. They are long gone…..” She trailed off…
“Oh…..well do they visit often?”
“No sweetie….they are gone. I had 2 children and they both have passed away…..”
I felt like such an asshole in that moment. Talk about putting my foot in my mouth.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean….”
She stopped me….”Sweetie…I could not help them. I did my best. I was on my own….. and drugs were stronger than my love. Are you a mom?”
“Yes….I have 5 kids and am on my own too……”
There was an awkward silence as we just stood there looking at my panting dog beside me.
“Well, I should be going. My dog needs a drink! It was so nice to talk to you. Thank you for sharing your flowers!”
“Wait…..please pick some of the lilacs for yourself. A big bunch! Thank for stopping and talking to me. We mommas have to stick together! Hug your kids for me……you are so blessed and a blessing to me. Thank you.”
So I picked a bunch of lilacs, waved goodby to her and headed home.
The whole way I home I thought about what she said…..My kids make me crazy, giving me grey hair while they test my sanity but they are here. They are each a phone call away. I am blessed.
I never did ask her for her name but will now make it a point to walk past her house more often. We mommas have to stick together.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Kids

Kristine Binder

These kids.
My kids.
They have been though a lot as individuals and together.
They are the cause of my grey hair, my tears and my laugh lines.
They are the source of my pride and the origin of my insanity!
They build each other up more than they tear each other down.
They may be at different ages and stages of life, but watching them share space as they grow and mature fills up my momma heart.
I find peace in the fact that long after I am gone, they will still have each other….. and the memories of our times together.
I have, and always will be, their Kristine (mom)… whether they like it or not…. they can work that out in therapy!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Help

Kristine Binder

We all need it sometimes but admitting that to ourselves and others is no easy task. I grew up with the understanding that asking for help was a sign of weakness. So….. I never asked for help. I learned to figure shit out on my own. I grew up BI (Before Internet). The library, Encyclopedia Brittanica, Dear Abby and late night TV were my go-to help advisors. 
I love to help others. Helping people fills me up and I love when I can make life better/easier for another human. In the past few years I learned that asking for help is not weakness but a sign a strength. What I also realized was that I needed to give people the opportunity to help me… especially my kids. 
I used to get angry that my kids didn’t help around the house and when/if they did, it was not good enough for me or the way that I would do it. I have realized we all do our best and can not assume anything. My children and friends are not mind readers. If I can be vulnerable and brave enough to ask for help, others are more than willing to step up to assist. I have also had to let go of the notion that my way is the only way to do things. My children and my friends have great ideas. They are all thoughtful as well as generous if I let go of my ideas of perfection. I have even learned some things along the way!
I am grateful that I am growing as a human. I am proud of myself for stepping out of my comfortable, albeit lonely, space allowing others in to help me when I need it…and even when I don’t realize that I need it!
Love yourself enough to allow others to help you once in a while. It will benefit all involved and you will all grow closer together.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Different

Kristine Binder

Six years ago I made a choice to no longer accept infidelity, abuse and disrespect in my marriage of over 20 years. I was terrified to leave and even more scared to stay.
Over the past 6 years, I have gotten divorced, lost a home, a job, my self respect and had my kids walk away from me…. BUT…..I have also gained 2 increasingly better jobs, 2 increasingly better homes, 2 increasingly newer cars, became an author and regained the respect and return of my kids.
I have realized that I missed the person I used to be before I got married. When I got married, I left behind goals, dreams and parts of myself. I am regaining the strong independant woman I used to be. This time around, she is sooo much better because she is seasoned with life experience. The woman I am now is smarter, stronger, more determined and more focused than ever before.
Did all that happen overnight? No. It took time and work, along with professional help. I have made a lot of mistakes in the process, which is why I chose to become not only a life coach, but also a divorce coach. I want others to find themselves, to see and plan for the bright future the awaits as well as avoid the mistakes and missteps that I made along the way.
There are still days I get down and anxiety takes over and that is ok….I do not stay in that place for long. I am moving forward…and you can too! One foot in front of the other. One day…one step…one breath at a time.
If you need help or just a place to vent, reach out! I am here whenever you are ready!
Forward is a pace!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Connection

Kristine Binder

2021 Pay-It-Forward:
The first five people to connect with me will receive from me, sometime within the calendar year, a handwritten note, perhaps with a gift attached. There will likely be no warning and it will happen whenever the mood strikes me.
Let’s all pay it forward this year!
🖊
Pay it forward!!
Let’s connect!! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace