Author: Kristine Binder

Parade

Kristine Binder

I struggle to find the right words as I am overwhelmed with emotion.
I began the day with high anxiety but as the morning wore on and my group grew, the “mom” energy was high!Our group may not have been the largest but we were the most energetic and impactful.
The hugging started before the parade began. A young woman came and asked for a hug. It was tight and it was long. There were tears….. and that was just the beginning.
Once the parade began, we were ready…. Arms wide open!
“I need a hug!”
“I want a mom hug!”
“Can I have a dad hug?” (We had several dads with us too!!)
Some people just opened their arms and waited for us!
For four miles, we high fived, waved and hugged. There were many times I had to run to catch up because the hugs were long…I don’t let go of a hug until they do! I tell each person I hug that they are loved and they matter.
I lost count of the hugs that ended with tears.
I heard more than once as I walked away, “that’s amazing” “what a wonderful group” “she gives great hugs!
Just when I thought it could go on forever, we were at the end of the parade route.
Our group sat together in the shade, relishing in the endorphin rush, recounting stories of epic hugs and soon we went our separate ways.
What I didn’t realize is that my job was not yet done.
As I walked back to my car I was stopped on a corner by an older man. He asked if I believed in fate and I said yes. He told me that he had seen me in the parade but couldn’t get to the rail and he really needed a hug. As we hugged he told me his mom never accepted him and she had just passed …. But now that she was gone, he wished he could have hugged her one last time. So …. I was her stand in.
I continued my walk and ran into a young guy I hugged during the parade. He said our group was the best of the parade and what he will always remember.
The last hug is one I will remember a long time. A young woman walked past me at the el. She made eye contact with me as she passed. A few minutes later she had returned and was at my side.
“Do you really give hugs?”
“Yup. Want a mom hug!”
“Oh my god! Really?! You have no idea how much a need a mom hug today…”
So we hugged a long time. She pulled away suddenly, said thanks through tears and walked away as fast as she appeared. I stood there in the middle of the sidewalk stunned. Not sure why she needed that hug so bad but I’m glad I was there.
Today was one I will remember for a long time. One that I will look back on fondly. One that will be a constant reminder of the need we all have to feel loved. One that reinforced, once again, the power of a hug.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Ally

Kristine Binder

About last night….
I was invited to represent Free Mom Hugs on a panel,  Allies for Equality, at Grant Thornton in Chicago. I have never done something like this and the corporate world is a foreign concept to me but I stepped outside my comfort zone.
I spoke to the need for us all to listen, make mistakes and be vulnerable in our journeys as allies. I spoke to the need for us all to create safe spaces for all to experience kindness, feel seen and just breathe. I spoke of the power of a simple (and not so simple) hug.
Before and after the panel I listened….I listened as people shared their stories with both my son and me. Yes, my son accompanied me on this adventure. He is one of the main reasons I began this journey with Free Mom Hugs.
One man came up and said, “I love you and love everything you said but have to share what will stick with me…..I looked over at your son as you were speaking and saw him taking your picture. His face was so tender……”
I smiled and blushed, “It is usually me that is taking the photos of him….”
Later that same man came up to both my son and I and said, “I told your mom that what I will remember is the moment I saw you taking her picture…it was so sweet…”
“She is always the one taking my picture so it was my turn now…”
My son and I stayed, hugging everyone more than once…it was as if we could not hug them enough. When we finally left and walked to the car I was emotionally and physically spent…but in the best way possible.
Remember Ally is a verb NOT a noun, always be kind and NEVER underestimate the power of a hug.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Hugs

Kristine Binder

Saturday I went to Pridefest.
I got in line to get in and the girl in front of me looked and said, “Are you here by yourself?”
“Yes why?”
“Wow! I would never do that. You are so brave! Are you gay?”
“No”
“Oh wow……” she looks at my shirt and then my hat….“Would it be ok to ask for a hug?”
“Sure….. “ and we share a long tight hug.
“My mom hasn’t talked to me in years…. Since I came out”
“When was that?”
“When I was 18….. I’m 24 now. I’ve been on my own since I was 18.”
“That must be hard…” I say and the line begins to move.
“Yea….. but it’s better. I like living my life as me and not as someone else.”
“Well then. You are the brave one.”
We continue to chat as we make our way in. She says “happy pride” and skips off as we enter.
After that I was stopped so many times.
“Can I have a hug?”
Some people just walked up to me with open arms. I heard older men tell me that they had been disowned years ago, that their moms had died without acknowledging them, that kids had left home rather than hide in the closet….
As I was watching a performer, I looked over and noticed a Woods ring! The girl had just graduated! We hugged and then I decided it was time to go.
As I was waiting for a light to change, a couple walked over.
“Can my girlfriend have a mom hug?”
“Sure!!!”
As we hugged the girl that asked said “she misses her mom but her mom says she is dead to her…”
I held on until the other girl pulled away. Her face was wet with tears……
”I miss my mom so much. Thank you for giving me a piece of her for a minute.”
We three hugged together and cried a minute.
“You are loved and you matter.” And we parted ways.
I walked 2 miles back to my car and enjoyed every minute of that walk.
Never underestimate the power of a hug.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Clarity

Kristine Binder

“Because the truth is, even when divorce is literally the best thing, when it gives you back to yourself, when it returns you to your highest space and delivers you to the second half of your life, whole and healthy and good…..even then, divorce is traumatizing. It just tears some things apart that we’ve spent our adult life building and putting together. And it affects so many people.”
“You’re struggling in any way in your marriage, whether you’re admitting it or not, is a profound loneliness.”
“I created a version of our marriage in my own mind and convinced myself it was enough.”
This podcast episode is everything!
Like Jen Hatmaker, I chose my steady stable marriage over what was true. I was a master shapeshifter, human spotlight and clean up crew for over 20 years and even after I was divorced. The shame too much for me to bear. I made myself smaller and smaller until I didn’t recognize myself. Over time, my people pulled away and I could not understand why. It was not until years into my divorce process that my people had the courage to tell me they pulled back because they didn’t know me anymore and had no clue how to help me. I don’t fault them. Back then, I didn’t know how to help myself either and I would not have had the bandwidth to accept the truth and the help.
I’ve said before that women don’t like to talk about the difficulties in marriage, however Jen breaks down the reasons (and the shame that surrounds it all) so eloquently. She also gives voice to the power of connection. When we are vulnerable, honest and true to ourselves, we allow others to connect and share space with us in a nonjudgmental way.
It has taken me years, lots of therapy and work on myself to find my way through this dark tunnel but the light I have found on the other side is so bright and beautiful!
Listen to the whole episode here!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace