This is 56. This is what …. -negative self talk -not loving myself -fighting -never feeling good enough -never fitting in – surviving and thriving -lessons learned -embracing my uniqueness -inspiring others -loss and gain -tears and laughter -building businesses -stepping into my own power -loving my body. -Saying F**k Yes more often. -love, light and a little go screw yourself -feeling joy-having faith -finding peace ……looks like. This is what life looks like at 56 and let me tell you….. it is AMAZING! Time to kick up my heels and celebrate!
The ten year challenge has been super popular on social media lately. I am not normally one to jump on one of these challenges, but this time? For sure. I took time to reflect on all the has changed over the past 10 years…..and there is a LOT! Here’s a list in not specific order: – 4 kids graduated from high school. – I got divorced (that alone took YEARS to accomplish and years off my life!) – represented myself Pro Se in court several times – I moved 2 different times, downsizing each time! – bought and sold 3 cars of my own (one of my proudest moments was negotiating these deals on my own) – wrote and published a book – started, and currently run, 3 different businesses – ran 9 marathons and countless other races from 5K’s to half marathons – said goodbye to 2 dogs and hello to another – survived a pandemic (and am still playing Frogger with the virus!) – got my CCL (and have since requalified and renewed it!) – got certified as a coach in several different areas – created a support system of women who have surrounded me with love, guided me with wisdom and blessed me with friendship – gained financial control and independence – created a peaceful home and space where people enjoy spending time – developed deeper, more authentic relationships with all 5 of my children – found my own center of gravity, my heart and my soul
There are so many other things to add to the list but these are the biggest changes of which I am most proud. So much can happen in the span of a single year and even more in the span of ten years. When I look at the calendar, a decade does not seem long. But when I look at myself, I realize how long it has been and how far I have come. I cannot change the events which occurred in the last 10 years of my life but I can look back at all the lessons learned that have made me the woman I am today. If someone would have told that overwhelmed, trapped, woman who had lost herself that the next 10 years would lead to the biggest and most dramatic transformation of her life…..she would never have believed it. I lost a great deal over the past 10 years but one thing that never got lost was my hope and my faith. My hope and faith in a higher power, as well as faith that there was a plan for my life have guided my every step so for in my life. I may not always understand that plan nor like it at times, but I trust and believe that the universe has my back. The next 10 years have 120 months and over 3650 days. I intend to make every single one count. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
Welcome 2022! The #tutulady is claiming this as her year! It is her year to be open to life and all that it has in store for her! Look out! It is going to be an amazing year filled with all things sparkly and joyful! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace
Six years. So much can change in 6 years. So much learning and so much growth. I’ve learned that getting divorced sucks but being divorced is a whole new world of freedom. 6 years ago when I was barely breathing and trying to hold it together while my world fell apart I could never have even imagined a night like last night. But when you learn the art of manifestation from your son, you learn that life can be an amazing adventure. Learning to move forward has been the biggest blessing and taken me places I never thought possible. I take none of it for granted. On a cool fall evening, I sat at a table along the Chicago river. I took a deep breath and took it all in. The table was filled with the most accomplished women. I was honored to be sitting with them and now blessed to call them all friend. These women teach me to own my story and the chapter I am currently writing. They teach me that I am not only deserving of love but I am worthy of all the good that comes to me in my life. They teach me that in order to continue to move forward, I must embrace the next steps. They teach me that growth is scary but I need to not just lean in to saying yes more often but jump in, saying “Fuck Yes”! At the head of the table was a woman who saw something in me years ago and thought I deserved to be at that table. She taught me to ‘just be a mom.’ She taught me to trust myself. She teaches my every day that I still have a long way to go, a lot to learn and a lot of goals that need accomplishing. She is teaching to say #FuckYes to life a lot more often(and Hell No to the couch). For that and so much more, I am forever grateful. #tutulady #forwardisapace
Today we would have celebrated 27 years together. Our 20th was our last one together and I knew it would be our last. I actually knew weeks, months and years before but that day sealed the deal. I had spent too many days racing to keep up and cover up. I had spent every ounce of my energy trying to please a man who was constantly moving the goal post. Why? He was never happy. He could not ever be happy. He was always envious of others and angry as caged animal. I was asked recently if I missed any of it. Did I miss being married? Did I miss my “family”? I wanted to give the the scorned wife response first, you know, the one that people expect …..NO…I can’t stand him and what he has done to all of us. But that anger has waned and turned to pity over the years. Do I miss being married? Not really. I mean I do not miss MY marriage at all. It was abusive and soul crushing. It robbed me of so many parts of myself. So, no I do not miss my marriage. Would I get married again? Perhaps….never say never, right?! Do I miss my “Family”? Family is in quotes because we never really were a true family. We were adults that created tiny humans that I raised while my wasband was out doing whatever he wanted. Dinners together once a week if we were lucky and holidays with extended family. That was about it. Family vacations? Those were visits to my parents home and even when there, he was still doing his own thing. Do I still love him? Nope. I do not even like the man anymore. I see him now and wonder what I ever saw in him. He is no longer attractive and the fact that I know how dark and cruel he is? That makes it worse. What I do love is the children he gave me, both by birth and by marriage. I consider my 5 children the greatest thing to come from our marriage. However, they, like me, did not come out the other side unscathed. They have lasting trauma of their own to deal with. I, too, was not a perfect parent during those years, but I own that and will spend the rest of my life attempting to heal those wounds with each of my kids. But I digress… 20 years of marriage. I got married at a time when that was the expectation. Female independence and single parenting were frowned upon. The world today is a much different place for young women like my daughters. I have told each one that they should not race to the altar and that making the choice to get married is huge. It is more than the pintrest/insta photos. It is not just one event one day. The choice to get married is a legal and binding contract. When I got married, I was told it was for better or worse. I got only a little bit of the ‘better’ and a whole lot of the ‘worse’. I was like that lobster that is put in the pot and then the heat is turned on…..the water got hot so slowly, I did not realize it until it was at a full boil….and even then I was in denial. I did not realize I was in an abusive relationship because…well… I was ‘not the type’ and ‘he doesn’t hit me’ but the abuse was real and the trauma extensive. Therapy has brought me through to the other side. I still live with a sense of what Brene Brown calls “foreboding joy.” “Foreboding joy” is when you dread joy whenever you have a good thing, and you begin to question and poison the moment with your worst fears. It is dress rehearsal for tragedy. It’s preparing for the worst even when things are at their best. Along with foreboding joy, I have difficulty trusting others as well as myself and a mentality of scarcity (especially with money). All of these lingering effects of my marriage are issues that I continue to work on in therapy. They are a small price to pay for the freedom I have now. The woman I am now…after only 6 years of freedom is only a fraction of the woman I want to become. I am so proud of the road that I have traveled in such a short time and even more proud of myself as I continue to move forward every day. It is not easy but it was so worth it! I am in love with the mother, sister, friend, and woman I am becoming! So today I celebrate. I celebrate those years I was married, the lessons I learned over those years and the gifts of my children I was given during that marriage. It was not time wasted. It was time passed. And now it is time to live life on my own terms so I celebrate! Peace. #tutulady #forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 