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Soar

Kristine Binder

Me. I am who I am.  Take me or leave me. I am a big girl with a big, and oftentimes, overwhelming personality. I am done denying and apologizing for who I am.
I’m done muting my voice down to a  pathetic whisper. I’m done erasing my vibrant, beautiful colors and appearing to the world in dull muted tones. I’m done pretending I have no power, that I’m a helpless victim, that I don’t know how to rise like the brave, strong woman I have hidden away for years.

Gone are the days where it feels okay to recklessly abandon myself. Finished are the moments where it seems like a great idea to destroy myself. Done is the time where I please everyone but myself. I have decided that I deserve so much better….
I need to breathe. Deeply. Purposefully.  
I need to remember the absolute magnificence of my own soul. I am done thinking people are doing me an epic favor when they like me. I am done apologizing for every step I take, every word I utter, every breath I take. I am done leaning on flimsy excuses and selling myself so terribly short. I hereby declare every day a true celebration of my glittery awesomeness, my one-of-a-kind messy beauty, my huge imperfect heart, my amazingly sparkly tutu-clad soul.  I declare to never, ever forget the true radiance of of my worth.

From here on out, I will live like I mean it. I will live from the deepest, most unsteady depths of my soul. I will reach out living each day like I mean it.  I will slow down, taking time to smell the roses, lavender and other amazing scents of the world.  I will open my eyes to everyday miracles that surround me. I will stand tall, be brutally honest and unapologetically say the shit I need to say. I will continue to trust but demand honesty from all those that wish to be part of my life. I will move through tears and tough times being graceful and patient with myself and others. I will speak to myself kindly and compassionately. I will love fiercely, giving my full, huge heart in the most overwhelming, and often smothering, of ways.  I hereby grant myself permission to live the most awesome life possible. 

Gone are the times where it felt it was okay not to honor myself. Finished is the mistaken thought that self-confidence is arrogance. Done are the days where it made sense to destroy myself. I’m in the driver’s seat now—and I’m headed towards love. I’m barreling towards truth. I’m running towards myself. I’m rushing towards soul. There are no excuses left, there is no obstacle in my way, there is no one left to blame. I am in charge and I choose ME! Loving myself is the only option. Moving forward is the only path to take.

Hello world, 

Meet my amazingly huge heart. 
Meet my overwhelming, overflowing personality.
Meet my magnificent, deep, imperfect soul.
Meet my goddamn confidence
Meet the ballsy sparkle in my eyes
Meet the real #tutulady

Goodbye excuses. Goodbye apologies. Goodbye shame. It’s time to say goodbye to all of the crap and hello to love. I hereby declare the war on me finally OVER. I am done fighting. Not because I am tired of fighting but because I am so much stronger than I ever believed possible and it’s time for me to live my truth. It’s time for me to believe in me. It is time for me to fully love ME. I am shaking and crying but it is finally time. Time to stand up, straighten my spine, toss my head back to face the sun, spreading my wings to fly, soaring higher than I could ever imagine.  It is time. My time.
#forwardisapace Peace.

Plunge

Kristine Binder

Today I lived a dream. I did something I never in a million years thought I would do. Not only that, I got to see my son do the same.
Today I took the polar plunge for Special Olympics and Girls on the Run. When I signed up a few months back, I really did not A) think I would raise the funds B) actually Plunge C) have a cheering section!
Well I not only raised more than I needed for 2 amazing charities but I did plunge and with an amazing cheering section!
13 checked in the night before and made sure we were still going in the morning. I had made tutus for our team and the weather was supposed to be good…so why not?!

Gaga and 13

I got up in the morning, had coffee and got everything together then woke up 13. We got in the car, got more coffee and headed towards the lake. We sang along to the radio as we made our way to the parking lot.  Once parked, we walked to the North Avenue Beach house. 13 was more excited to “stalk” celebrities than ot see momma jump in the lake and made no bones about it!
Once we got the “lay of the land’ we met up with 2 friends of mine…one is my “running daddy’ the other is my “personal Paparazzi”. My PP gave 13 some celeb spotting tips and then he was off.
13 and I noticed that some celebs were coming out of the “warming” area. It was Tyler Kinney and Lady Gaga!! 13 tried to get  “selfie” but Gaga was not paying attention. Momma opened her big mouth as 13 ran ahead. He asked again and there it was…the selfie (and the only one she would take all day).  My son was hyperventilating and tears came…from both of us. Seeing him meet someone he considers a hero? A life changing experience for me. It would carry him through the rest of the day….floating on cloud nine.
Me? I had to leave him and meet my team.
We got “dressed”…or undressed…. and prepared to plunge. Once we were ready it was time for photos and then the walk to “line up”, We entered the line and heating tent to wait our turn ….and then it was time!  we burst out of the tent and headed to the water.  I could hear 13 screaming “GO MOM” over my shoulder as I headed to the water with my team….

My favorite cheerleader!

And then it was time for the Nestea Plunge!  Backwards I fell  with my head going beneath the water!  It was exhilarating and amazing!! I danced as I pulled up my sagging, wet tutu and headed towards the shore cold and HAPPY!
The team found our supporters, took photos and headed to change into warm clothing.  Once I was changed, 13 and I went to get some hot chocolate and food. We ate and drank and danced and laughed and warmed up. It was a joy to watch my boy so happy.
Soon it was time to head to the car for the drive home. 13 and I talked and laughed some more as he floated on cloud nine…and I did too.
Today was a day that I will remember for a lifetime. Time with good friends. Time checking an item off my bucket list. Time raising money for 2 great causes. Time with my son that changed his life and mine forever. #forwardisapace Peace

Curves

Kristine Binder

Slow down. Curves ahead. Life, life roads and trails, often has curves. Some curves are so sharp if we don’t slow down, we veer off the road into a ditch.
It is important to watch the signs and look ahead to where we are going.
Today I saw the signs that I has missed.
I took off for a run only thinking that I would go about 2-3 miles as I had not run in months and my last run was crap. But as I moved forward and put one foot in front of the other, I realized that I was doing ok. I was running again. Do not get me wrong, it was not an easy run by any means, but it felt good.
i kept moving forward feeling stronger with each step and as I ran, I realized that I was coming back to myself.
The last few months have been hard. Harder than any marathon or race I have ever run, and while I know that race is not yet over, I can see the finish line. I can see that light at the end of the tunnel. I have had the support of a lot of good people and I know that they see and feel my pain. For years, I have been the cheerleader…the motivator… Suddenly that changed and I could barely breathe without crying. It was not a place or feeling I was familiar with. I felt like a fake….going though the motions and smiling through the pain. But my friends took over. People I knew took over. People I barely knew and some I didn’t know I touched took over. They supported me in words and actions that helped me feel supported and loved. I have never been one to take things or ask for help….it is not a space in which I am comfortable. I did not need to ask….People just showed up. People sent me messages. People prayed.
Today during my run, I was caught in such a place of deep gratitude for every one of those people. They may never know how much their support has meant to me and changed my life but today I gave thanks for each one.
 I am so blessed to have a support team that helps me see the light….
#forwardisapace Peace

Unstoppable

Kristine Binder

A funny thing happens when the fog starts to lift. Things start to take shape and vision becomes clearer. The accidents and tragedies caused by the heavy fog can be removed  and cleaned up. The damage caused in the wake of the storm can be assessed more clearly and plans made recovery.  Life can move forward.
I have been asked to write about the events of my life by many but I am not quite ready to do that. I am, by nature, a positive person. Until I can put a more positive spin on all that has happened to my family and to me, I am going to hold off writing about it at all. I am going to keep writing about me and my journey forward.
As the fog lifts and I realize that I deserve better, I am becoming unstoppable. I am becoming a force to be reckoned with. I am entering my 50th year with a brand new sense of self that will serve me well, I think, in the next 1/2 of my life. I look in the mirror and really like who I see starting back at me. A few months ago I would not have recognized her….but now I see her. I see the strong, capable, survivor that is now unstoppable.
#forwardisapace
Peace

Deserve

Kristine Binder

It has been a long road….a long and winding road. A road that is not yet ending but a road that continues. As I travel this road of life, I am constantly reminded of all that it important by those who love me. Often times they turn my own words around on me in order to open my eyes and avoid a pothole or accident….and keep me moving forward.
Such is the case recently. My own words took me out of ditch on the side of my road and back to moving in the right direction. All I needed was the right roadside assistant.
I do deserve a great many things and it really is time I start seeking out all of the wonderful things I deserve.
#forwardisapace
Peace.