I was 26. The year was 1992. The photographer was my very own brother. This is the only copy of this photo I have and it was ruined in a flood. The glass has come off in parts but I think it adds to the dimension of the photo. I have always loved this photo so I decided to recreate it with an updated twist to represent the woman I am now…. 30 years later. The year is 2022. I am 56 years old. The pieces are finally coming together. Oh the things I would tell that young woman… the lessons she would learn, the mistakes she would make, the wisdom she would gain. I know we would have been good friends had we known each other then. I’m so proud of that girl for all she has become. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
This is 56. This is what …. -negative self talk -not loving myself -fighting -never feeling good enough -never fitting in – surviving and thriving -lessons learned -embracing my uniqueness -inspiring others -loss and gain -tears and laughter -building businesses -stepping into my own power -loving my body. -Saying F**k Yes more often. -love, light and a little go screw yourself -feeling joy-having faith -finding peace ……looks like. This is what life looks like at 56 and let me tell you….. it is AMAZING! Time to kick up my heels and celebrate!
The ten year challenge has been super popular on social media lately. I am not normally one to jump on one of these challenges, but this time? For sure. I took time to reflect on all the has changed over the past 10 years…..and there is a LOT! Here’s a list in not specific order: – 4 kids graduated from high school. – I got divorced (that alone took YEARS to accomplish and years off my life!) – represented myself Pro Se in court several times – I moved 2 different times, downsizing each time! – bought and sold 3 cars of my own (one of my proudest moments was negotiating these deals on my own) – wrote and published a book – started, and currently run, 3 different businesses – ran 9 marathons and countless other races from 5K’s to half marathons – said goodbye to 2 dogs and hello to another – survived a pandemic (and am still playing Frogger with the virus!) – got my CCL (and have since requalified and renewed it!) – got certified as a coach in several different areas – created a support system of women who have surrounded me with love, guided me with wisdom and blessed me with friendship – gained financial control and independence – created a peaceful home and space where people enjoy spending time – developed deeper, more authentic relationships with all 5 of my children – found my own center of gravity, my heart and my soul
There are so many other things to add to the list but these are the biggest changes of which I am most proud. So much can happen in the span of a single year and even more in the span of ten years. When I look at the calendar, a decade does not seem long. But when I look at myself, I realize how long it has been and how far I have come. I cannot change the events which occurred in the last 10 years of my life but I can look back at all the lessons learned that have made me the woman I am today. If someone would have told that overwhelmed, trapped, woman who had lost herself that the next 10 years would lead to the biggest and most dramatic transformation of her life…..she would never have believed it. I lost a great deal over the past 10 years but one thing that never got lost was my hope and my faith. My hope and faith in a higher power, as well as faith that there was a plan for my life have guided my every step so for in my life. I may not always understand that plan nor like it at times, but I trust and believe that the universe has my back. The next 10 years have 120 months and over 3650 days. I intend to make every single one count. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
Six years. So much can change in 6 years. So much learning and so much growth. I’ve learned that getting divorced sucks but being divorced is a whole new world of freedom. 6 years ago when I was barely breathing and trying to hold it together while my world fell apart I could never have even imagined a night like last night. But when you learn the art of manifestation from your son, you learn that life can be an amazing adventure. Learning to move forward has been the biggest blessing and taken me places I never thought possible. I take none of it for granted. On a cool fall evening, I sat at a table along the Chicago river. I took a deep breath and took it all in. The table was filled with the most accomplished women. I was honored to be sitting with them and now blessed to call them all friend. These women teach me to own my story and the chapter I am currently writing. They teach me that I am not only deserving of love but I am worthy of all the good that comes to me in my life. They teach me that in order to continue to move forward, I must embrace the next steps. They teach me that growth is scary but I need to not just lean in to saying yes more often but jump in, saying “Fuck Yes”! At the head of the table was a woman who saw something in me years ago and thought I deserved to be at that table. She taught me to ‘just be a mom.’ She taught me to trust myself. She teaches my every day that I still have a long way to go, a lot to learn and a lot of goals that need accomplishing. She is teaching to say #FuckYes to life a lot more often(and Hell No to the couch). For that and so much more, I am forever grateful. #tutulady #forwardisapace
In the early stages of my divorce I was so deep in my trauma that my response was to over explain and/or justify my behaviors. It was something my therapist and I worked on a great deal. She wanted me to learn to count to 10 before responding to my kids, a text, an email….. I tried it…… The whole counting to 10 thing did nothing but frustrate me. 10… 9…..8…. fuck. this. shit! I’m done. By the time I got to three I had inevitably done something or said something I would later regret. I was reading everything given to my by my therapist and others. I was trying all the suggestions. I was depressed, overwhelmed, anxious, abused and deep in trauma. I was on the couch one day flipping through the channels and stopped on Mel Robbin’s talk show. I felt like she was talking to me. So I pulled out my phone and googled her. The 5 Second Rule came up with a link to her Ted Talk. I clicked the link and watched. “The 5-second rule is simple. If you have an instinct to act on a goal, you must physically move within 5 seconds or your brain will kill it. …. Hesitation is the kiss of death. You might hesitate for a just nanosecond, but that’s all it takes. That one small hesitation triggers a mental system that’s designed to stop you. And it happens in less than—you guessed it—five seconds.” 5 Second Rule by Mel Robbins That was it…..I didn’t need 10 seconds. I needed 5. I needed 5 seconds to change my thoughts, take action, make a move, maybe even not respond at all. Therefore I adopted the Five Second Rule. I counted down from five when I could not get off the couch or out of bed. I counted down from five before responding to emails, texts or comments. I counted down from five when I needed to make a choice. I counted down from five over and over…… I realized that counting down from 5 offered me to allow myself, and others, grace. I could take action or slow my responses. So I started saying the word “grace” five times before taking action. It was working. And then I realized that the word ‘grace” has five letters. So I started spelling out the word grace. Slow and steady. That gave me time to think and not get frustrated. I had time to chose my next step…or just force myself to take a step. I could choose how I wanted to respond, or not respond at all. Grace. I was now giving myself, and others, grace. Even when others did not or do not respond with grace, I could and did. I have learned a great deal about myself and others over the past few years. But one of the most important things I have learned is grace…..with myself and others. Next time you are tempted to respond out of emotion, the next time you feel paralyzed, take 5 seconds and spell the word grace. You will realize that you are able respond from a place of understanding and grace. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 