“It all started with a dare. Now she wears a pink tutu whenever she runs a marathon. Listen as teacher and life coach Kristine Binder (#tutulady) talks about dealing with anxiety, depression and divorce to inspire girls and women to run the marathon of life.” Show notes from episode #16 of the Dream Highway podcast
In this episode of the Dream Highway Podcast, host Steve Pedersen and I discuss running, coaching, the LGBTQIA+ community, Girls on the Run and my book, The Lemonade Stand. We talk about faith, acceptance, belonging, shame, vulnerability, as well as dreams and goal setting. Tune In to learn where we find strength, grace and peace in our current climate that contains so much negativity and division! Be sure to listen and leave a comment! Available where ever you listen to podcasts! http://bit.ly/DreamHighwayPodcast
“I’m too old” “I’m too young” “I’m not smart enough” “I’m so stupid” “I’m too fat” “I’m too skinny” “I can’t do it” “They don’t like me” “I’m not perfect” “I talk too much” “I’m shy” “I hate my hair/teeth/voice/body” “I’m not worth it” “I am such a loser” Negative self talk. We all do it. The list mean things we say to ourselves is endless. These are things we would never say to a friend, much less a stranger, yet we say them to our selves constantly. People tell me “You are so strong!” “How did you get so strong?” Well ….the hard way! When you are in an abusive relationship, bruises heal and fade away. However, the words that are said, the insults that are hurled at 100 miles per hour, the underhanded comments that are said just loud enough for you to hear but not loud enough for others, the gaslighting, that all takes a serious toll on your mental health and self esteem. So, how did I get so strong? It was not easy. Therapy was the first line of defense. Being vulnerable to open up, owning my weaknesses and mistakes was work. Unpacking years of emotional baggage was work. Changing destructive patterns of behavior was work. It was all hard work. One of the most difficult pieces to address was untangling the web of lies and unwrapping the person I had hidden away. The verbal reel of negative and patronizing comments, put downs, insults and insecurity played over and over in my head until I learned to reframe it and play a different tape. That took work. Part of that work was creating a new soundtrack. This new reel needed to be filled with positives and encouragement. Thus started my practice of affirmations. I did not think it would work but I was willing to try anything. I had coached my Girls on the Run to encourage each other with positive words. We threw our Negative Nellie words in the trash, figuratively and in reality. Now it was my turn to practice what I was preaching. I wrote all the negative words and statements about myself i could think of and then tossed it in the trash. Gone! I wrote a new affirmation for myself each week. I set it as a reminder on my phone and wrote in on post it notes. I repeated it multiple times a day. It was silly but I had to try. It sounds like it was easy….nope….it was WORK. I did not want to do it some days (more days than not!) but I repeated the affirmation over and over each week. Slowly but surely, things started to change. I was listening to myself. I was hearing what I was saying to myself. I was creating a new soundtrack. I began to catch myself when I started saying something negative and reframing that to a positive….”I can’t do that” became “I can’t do that …yet.” “I’m too old” became “I have more experience than other people. “I talk too much” became “I have a lot to share” There are days I still struggle but I lean on my affirmations. They held me resent and realign to my values each day. They remind me that I am worth it and that being positive is a practice that is work each day. What are you telling yourself? Are you cutting yourself down or building yourself up? Are you disparaging yourself or encouraging yourself? You are your own worst critic and your own best cheerleader. The choice is yours but no matter what you choose, it is going to be work! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace
I am so honored to be featured on the Moms Who Rise website! What a priceless blessing to have the opportunity to share my story with others and raise awareness! To read more, check out the complete article here: Meet Kristine Be sure to read the stories of other inspiring Moms Who Rise too!
“You’re crazy” “You are so dramatic” “I never said/did that” “You really need help” “Its your fault” “That never happened/You are imagining things” “You’re being irrational.” “You’re so emotional/sensitive/take things too personally” “It was a joke/I was just kidding/You have no sense of humor” “You don’t believe me/like it, that is on you.” “It’s not my fault” These are just a few of the many phrases used by gaslighters. What is a gaslighter, you ask. A gaslighter is a person, who, in order to gain more power, makes a victim question their reality and sanity. Anyone is susceptible to gaslighting, and it is a common technique of abusers and narcissists. It is done so slowly that the victim never really knows it is happening. The Chicks wrote a song and album titled Gaslighter and there other songs such as the one by Snow the Product called Gaslight. If you log on to Tick Tock you are sure to see videos about gaslighting. People are becoming more and more aware of this type of crazy making behavior. It is mental and emotional abuse. I endured gaslighting for years and questioned my own sanity countless times. It caused me to have horrible anxiety as well as depression. Over the years I have filled countless notebooks and post it notes with reminders to myself. I still have a difficult time trusting myself and write everything down. If a person calls you “crazy” or is making you think you’re losing your mind, that’s a major red flag of gaslighting. Gaslighting is real. It is abuse that happens gradually. It sneaks up on you one small lie, manipulation, rude/insensitive comment at a time until all of a sudden you wonder if you’re actually losing your mind. I know, I questioned my sanity so many times, I lost count. It has taken years of therapy to undo the damage. Do not blame yourself. I know I don’t. Look for the signs: If they call you names like crazy. If they lie to you, and deny it. If they get defensive and angry when you disprove a lie they have told. If they use the things that matter to you as emotional ammunition. If they make snide comments and call you ‘oversensitive.” If they accuse you of being forgetful and make you feel “emotional” or unworthy. They are gaslighting you. You are not crazy. Do not walk away…run! Peace. #tutulady #forwardisapace
“How much for the flowers?” “Honey….you feeling ok? You sound all sorts a stuffed up…” “Oh….just allergies….” And that is how the conversation started at the farmers market on a Saturday morning. We stood 6 feet apart, with a table full of fresh produce between us as we chatted. She told me about her vocal chord surgery and how wearing a mask was difficult for her….but she did it anyway. She told me about her 25 surgeries (“Maybe more….I think I lost count…”). She told me about her missing kneecap and the pain in her good one. She told me that farming crops was good for her soul. When I jokingly asked what she did to relax, she said she sat at her sewing machine and made the masks she donated and sold. “I learned a long time ago that ya can’t let life get ya down…..Only the good Lord knows why I am upright and above ground and he ain’t tellin’ so I gotta keep goin’ and see the good in it all.” “You are amazing and made my day! So….how much for the flowers?” “You take ’em honey….you were the good in my day today….” I left a $10 on her table and walked away with a smile on me face vowing to “see the good in it all” all day long every day. A change in perspective makes all the difference in how we see things. We can see things from a negative viewpoint or find the good in it all. I choose to see the good. Peace. #tutulady #forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 