On January 18 I turned 55. 
What did I get for my birthday?
I got…
An off leash dog
A missed curb
A wipeout
A drive to the ER
1/2 a narco(my choice)
A hematoma block
A closed reduction
A splint 
An appointment with an orthopedic doctor 
An appointment for a minor surgery 
A covid test
An ekg
A full blood panel
K wires
Another splint 
More narco(which I chose not to take)
The first dose of a Moderna Covid vaccine 
Another appointment with an orthopedic doctor 
A cast
And I’m not done yet….
I’ve had more medical care in the past few weeks than I have had in years. Do I like it? No. Am I grateful? Yes. 
Medical care and taking care of of myself was not seen as a priority during my marriage. Taking care of of my physical and mental health was seen as a selfish and weak expense that we could not afford. When I did visit the doctor, the bill was never paid and I could not go back so I stopped going all together. It was not worth the embarrassment. 
But now? Now I’m learning to take care of myself. Im learning that taking care of myself is worth every penny. I’m not self indulgent but I go to the doctor when I need it. I go to regular therapy appointments. I take care of this vessel that holds my heart. 
I’m learning… sometimes the hard way… to take care of myself. And it is so worth it. 


“How much for the flowers?”
“Honey….you feeling ok? You sound all sorts a stuffed up…”
“Oh….just allergies….”
And that is how the conversation started at the farmers market on a Saturday morning. We stood 6 feet apart, with a table full of fresh produce between us as we chatted. She told me about her vocal chord surgery and how wearing a mask was difficult for her….but she did it anyway. She told me about her 25 surgeries (“Maybe more….I think I lost count…”). She told me about her missing kneecap and the pain in her good one. She told me that farming crops was good for her soul. When I jokingly asked what she did to relax, she said she sat at her sewing machine and made the masks she donated and sold.
“I learned a long time ago that ya can’t let life get ya down…..Only the good Lord knows why I am upright and above ground and he ain’t tellin’ so I gotta keep goin’ and see the good in it all.”
“You are amazing and made my day! So….how much for the flowers?”
“You take ’em honey….you were the good in my day today….”
I left a $10 on her table and walked away with a smile on me face vowing to “see the good in it all” all day long every day.
A change in perspective makes all the difference in how we see things. We can see things from a negative viewpoint or find the good in it all. I choose to see the good.