2021 Pay-It-Forward:
The first five people to connect with me will receive from me, sometime within the calendar year, a handwritten note, perhaps with a gift attached. There will likely be no warning and it will happen whenever the mood strikes me.
Let’s all pay it forward this year!
🖊
Pay it forward!!
Let’s connect!! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace
Healing is not linear. It is a process. People would love for you to move on NOW. Why? It makes life easier for THEM. Healing from pain and trauma is not about THEM….it is about YOU.
Coping with trauma takes many different shapes and forms. Some people stuff it down and bury it. Some people choose to smother it with addictive behaviors like alcohol/drugs/food/gambling/etc. Some put on the mask of happiness telling all ask that they are “fine.” The problem with those and other unhealthy responses is that they are just that….unhealthy. The trauma is always still there, just under the surface, waiting to rear its ugly head at an inopportune time. Moving on is not fast nor easy and those that tell you it is are lying.
Time does not heal old wounds. Healing takes work and dealing with trauma is work. Offering ourselves the same grace we give to others is not easy. It is difficult learning to create and hold boundaries. It is emotionally exhausting to do the painful work of growth, self improvement and self love. Grieving the loss of dreams of the future is often overwhelming. Processing all the emotions can debilitating. Sounds like a super fun party, right?! Not really, but the time invested in healing from trauma is worth all the pain, making us stronger and healthier humans.
One vital part of healing is sharing our story. Sharing our story, is not only empowering to us but also to others. Giving a voice to our experience validates our pain, our process and our healing. Sharing our story helps others in similar situations. It allows others who may feel alone in their trauma and pain to find a safe space of validation. How we share our story is ours to decide.
Not everyone will understand your process or have the patience to endure the time involved with your healing. Some will be critical of the choices you make in your healing process. Some will listen, leaning in, offering a place of grace sitting with you in your process. Some will love you through it all without judgement. People’s opinion of you, your choices and your process is …well….none of your business. You are on a healing journey from victim to victor, from survivor to thriver. You are in charge of your future and you decide who is a part of that future. This part of your life’s journey is invitation only. Choose wisely.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
I love pictures! I have photos all over my home. Framed images of a moment in time that was captured forever. Looking at a photo brings back all the memories. I love pictures…just not pictures of me!
I grew up in the the era of cameras and film on a spool. The time of dark rooms and self developing. The days of photomats and ordering duplicates. Way back when we had to wait to see if there were any “good”(or incriminating!) photos and to see what we actually did at that party! I remember ordering pictures and having to request color or black and white. I remember wasting a whole roll of film on over/under exposure, running out of film, and a dead camera battery. I came of age in the era of digital cameras which moved to cell phone cameras. The cameras on cell phones are so advanced now that It is a rare occasion for me to drag out my trusty Nikon.
I love being behind that camera taking the photos. It is where I feel safe. Looking at life through the lens provides a completely different perspective. Therein lies my dilemma. Being a business owner and coach, people want to see photos of me. That makes me uncomfortable. I have spent years looking at the person in the mirror and being so cruel to that girl.
Growing up I was picked on and teased a lot for the way I looked. I was the “fat girl,” the girl with the big butt, the girl with the “brace face,” the one that never really fit in. As I grew older I projected this persona of confidence, the loud life of the party. Inside, I was slowly dying. I was constantly worried about what people were saying about me behind my back. Back then I knew nothing about anxiety so I starved myself, made a tons of crappy choices, drank, went out with bad boys, and kept everyone at arms length so they could not see my weakness.
That anxiety and cover up spiraled into a marriage to a “badboy.” I thought the feelings of insecurity would go away once I got married. Nope….things only got worse. I became a mom and thought the insecurity would go away. Nope….things only got worse. The person I thought was the love of my life used my weakness to gain an advantage over me. I could not do anything right. I was a “failure as a mom.” I needed to get in shape and was “too fat” for my own good. My hair was too long/too short/no blonde enough. The list was endless and the negative comments were never ending. Slowly it all wore me down. I lost myself. I disappeared behind the camera lens. There are many lost years where there are no photos of me with my family or my kids.
Fast forward to this past week….I stood in the background on a trip to the apple orchard watching my teens take photos of themselves. I stood and watched as they “hyped” each other, fixing clothes and hair for each other and suggesting poses. It was a joy to watch them! Then I mustered up all my courage and asked them to take a photo of me. They all “hyped” me up and helped me pose. I was afraid to look at the photos and waited until I got home. I chose one to post and still looked at what was “imperfect” but not them….they saw what was beautiful. Sure they filter and facetune their photos but for the most part, they post photos of themselves with abandon! Me? I just post the photo they tell me is “the one!”
I shared with them my feelings about photos and how I hate photos of myself. Vulnerability is uncomfortable but I am pushing myself! They suggested another photo shoot at the house. I needed photos for the website so I agreed. I mean if I hated the photos, it cost me nothing but time, not like the old days!. So I let the kids play. They did my makeup, styled my outfit and my “look” then took the photos. They told me how sit, smile and where to look. I was soooo uncomfortable but we had fun and got some great photos (according to the kids!) Honestly, if there is one things kids today know how to do, it is get the right angle and find the light for the camera.
What I didn’t realize until I was on the outside of the frame looking in was that I was looking for a place to belong and someone to love me. I spent years looking for someone to tell me I was beautiful and mean it. For someone to tell me I am perfect just the way I am.
I grew up but never grew into my own skin. It took therapy, being on my own and the love of my kids to help me realize that the person I was looking for was right in front of me all along. She was staring me right in the face. It was ME. I needed to love me. I needed to accept me. I needed to see my own beauty. I needed to love that girl I was looking at in the mirror.
I still look at photos of me and see the imperfections. But I also see the beauty that is far more than skin deep. I finally love the myself and the skin I am in. So take all the photos. Ask others to take pictures of you. Delete the ones you don’t like. Keep more than you delete. And post the ones that make you happy. That photo is only a moment in time but the memories are forever!
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
Valentine’s Day 2013
I spent a cold dreary February day at a funeral.
It is a day etched in my mind for many reasons.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 