Author: Kristine Binder

Prayers are welcome as well!

So my daughter got her driver’s license this week. What a milestone not only for her,  but for mom and dad. Where did the time go? Wasn’t it just yesterday that I was reading the manual and installing her carseat? I drove my car to three local police stations to check to see if I had done it correctly. Now she is no longer in a car seat but  in the driver’s seat.

She has waited patiently for the day and it finally came. Dad took her out of school for the morning and they went together for this momentous occasion. This was a milestone for just the two of them.  I got a text from her later in the morning that she had passed. I was so relieved…and terrified! What did this mean for her…and for me?

Her siblings were so excited for her….I think they were a bit excited for themselves as well…newfound freedom!  And that freedom was not long in coming!  After dinner that same evening, the 3 girls piled into Dad’s car and off they drove on their first adventure together. Windows open (in the cold) and music blaring…. they took off like a racehorse out of the gate….never a hesitation. They were on their way to get shakes…without an adult!

The entire time they were gone my heart was in my throat. Not one of my kids was gone but three of them!  What now? The loss of control  was so frightening. I felt like I was free falling and not sure where I would land. the moment they walked in the door, my sigh of relief could be heard for miles.

My daughter has grown new wings and longs to test them at every opportunity. She years for the freedom that driving gives her and the control of her destiny at that moment. She relishes the feeling of ‘grown-upness’. The privilege that she alone has above her siblings. I remember that feeling….fondly!

So I ask again, what now? things are different now. My kid is driving around behind the wheel of a large piece of machinery. She is in control…not me. I can’t put her safely into her carseat, buckle the belt and see her smiling back at me in the rearview mirror. Don’t get me wrong, having someone to help with driving kids to and fro will be nice but the trade off….but I worry. I know that she is a good driver. I worry about other drivers. I worry that she won’t react as quickly as I would. I worry that she has her siblings and friends in the car and is responsible for their safety. I worry that she will not pay attention and miss something. I worry ….I worry….I worry…..as now she drives off looking at me in the rearview mirror smiling a proud yet terrified smile. Peace.

We came into this world naked.

So…to be Naked. It scares many of us to death that are of a certain age and figure. I wrote a whole post about loving my body and feeling comfortable in my skin. I am comfortable and I am happy with whole I am. Why then does the prospect of being naked seem so scary? We were born into the world without ‘enhancements’ or even clothing and people thought we were adorable. What has changed?

As I start to think about this, my friend Molly has decided to try something revolutionary. No, she is not going to walk around sans clothing. She is going to go 60 days without makeup, tweezing, plucking, shaving, etc. All the things that we women think make us more beautiful.

My son asks me all the time why I wear makeup. Having a house full of girls he has learned that we don’t go anywhere until the hair and makeup are done. He wonders why this is important. He has told me that I am pretty enough without it all…as are his sisters. This conversation and Molly’s groundbreaking experiment got me to really question my own need for these things. I preach the gospel of Girls on the Run…. that all are beautiful just the way they are. So why do adult women, as well as teens and women of all ages,  feel the need to ‘enhance’? Men do not. Why do we wear high heels that are painful? Why do we wear push up bras? (Although I do not need this!!) Why do we feel the need to strategically ‘pull it in’, ‘push it up’ or ‘pop it out’?

I have issues even in my own home. I try to delay the wearing of makeup, plucking, tweezing, shaving, wearing of high heels for as long as possible with my daughters. There are other extended family members that get angry with me. They tell me that allowing my girls to play sports such a volleyball and basketball …well ….is not girly. They tell me …and my girls….that they should be shaving and plucking and doing all those ‘girly’ things at a young age. Why? Why can’t my girls just be who they are, look they way they wish and do the activities that excite them?

I have never been a big one for makeup. It is too much work….however I do feel naked without it. Why? Why does the thought of going a day without makeup frighten me so? I do not wear makeup all summer but then again, I am not working. I rarely wear ‘dressy’ clothes in the summer unless we are going somewhere special. So why then do I feel I ‘need’ makeup in order ‘not to scare people’ (which is what I tell my son)?

So many questions…so few answers. Why do you do the ‘girly’ things you do? Could you go a day/week/month without the ‘girly’ things?

I do not think I have the courage that Molly does and will live vicariously through her for now. She is a gifted, insightful woman. I look forward to learning more as she moves through this journey. To follow Molly’s Nakedness…
http://www.thenakedfaceproject.com/
 Peace.

Envy…it is really not a good thing. However, recently envy opened my eyes to a new view. I was looking at some younger friends of mine…30 somethings that have awesome PB (pre-baby) bodies. They work out and work hard to maintain their figures. I longed for an unobstructed view of my toes and the ability to NOT wear a bra every minute of the day without tripping over my boobs.  Oh, the joys of youth!

Ok…so I have never been a tiny girl. I have always had curves but 20 years ago my hills were up a bit higher and the valleys were not so deep. But it all got me to thinking about my body. I spent years being unhappy in the skin I was in trying every diet I could find and often making myself sick. I even took up smoking to reduce my appetite and developed a 2 pack a day habit. That did not end well. Quitting was not only difficult, it helped me gain all of the weight back! I lost weight to get married and then promptly gained it all back within the first year of marriage…along with additional weight…due to the fact that I got pregnant.

So…I gave it all some thought and realized that after 46 years, I am finally happy with this body I have. I took a long look in a full length mirror and here is what I saw….
My face – It is a pretty enough face that looks younger than its years. There are lines but they are from many smiles and much laughter.
My arms – they are getting more defined and are really long. All the better to hug my children and my friends.Tight hugs are priceless.
My boobs – They used to be perky. Never really small, but always perky. So now I get up every morning and watch them try to defy gravity as they race towards the floor.  They have seen a lot of action feeding 4 hungry kids for 6-9 months at a time. They never let one of those kids go hungry. So now they hang low and empty, sadly longing to be useful. They are still beautiful in an iconic sort of fashion.
My belly – No,  I do not have an unobstructed view of my feet but I do have a view of the wonderful place that stretched to house my 4 little darlings. It was a warm and cozy spot that they did not want to vacate!
My legs – Ahhh my pride and joy. They are not twig small but Sequoya sized and long. They have come a long way in my 46 years from jello like wobbly to strong and sturdy. They have carried this old girl many a mile…sometimes seizing up and rebelling but always seeing me through to the end. The are long enough to require me to always pay extra for ‘long’ and ‘tall’ length pants thus the reason I wear so many skirts and dresses!  I am proud of my tree trunks. They are beautiful and strong.
My heart – It has grown so much in my time here on earth. It has been broken many times but manages to repair itself and come back even stronger. I am constantly amazed at its resilience and adaptability. It is constantly growing and changing and transforming.

So that is me…I have no real reason to envy the body of youth. I have a beautiful body and wisdom to know how to use it to its fullest potential! Which of your body parts are you most proud of? Peace.

Polar dash….what a race! There was supposed to be a large group of us girls running this race but as it was postponed, some of our crowd could not run with us. We missed them but were determined to have a good time. 

It was 17 degrees at the start! The waiting was the worst because we got cold but once the race started it was better. The first 2 or more miles were VERY difficult. The sidewalks were narrow and covered with slush. This was super hard to run in….very similar to running in loose sand. I felt like at any minute my foot was going to lose traction and I would fall. Miles 3-5 were into the wind along the lake. It was so pretty as it was snowing the whole time. The last mile was around the front of the Shedd  to the finish line. I stopped and took photos and was even stopped by a girl and thanked….I got her to the finish line of a half marathon in November. Still don’t know her name but she remembered me!