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Award

Kristine Binder

6 years ago I attended a benefit event at the Drake Hotel for Girls on the Run. I would be presented with the Superstar Award for Outstanding Coach at the event. What I did not know is that it would be a night that would change my life forever….just as Girls on the Run has changed the lives of countless girls.
Several weeks prior I had bought a dress on sale. The dress was a total splurge….even on sale for $30! At that time, I never bought things for myself much less a fancy dress! I was not allowed to spend money of “frivolous” things. I felt so good in that dress, so beautiful and powerful. That dress still hangs in my closet waiting to be worn again.
I did my own hair and then my daughter and I drove into the city to Barney’s to visit one of my best friends. My friend is a makeup artist and had never done my makeup before, heck, I had never had anyone do my makeup before! When she was finished, I felt so beautiful!
She also did makeup for my 16 year old daughter, who was my date for the evening. My daughter, who was my first girl on the run and the reason I started coaching the program. My daughter who deserved a fancy night out with her momma.
We arrived at the Drake greeted by valet parking and cocktail hour. I felt so special….and out of place.
I felt like I didn’t belong. I was instantly transported back to the grade school girl who never fit in and was always teased. The girl in high school that struggled with her looks and never felt like an “insider.” The college girl that drank to forget feeling left out.
I took a deep breath and, like a gut punch, it hit me. I was everything I was teaching girls NOT to be…….. I was a woman married to an unfaithful, abusive man.
I went to the bathroom to catch my breath and fix my makeup. I put on my new lipstick, plastered a smile on my face and headed in the the event to join my daughter. I was going to make the best of this night, celebrate Girls on the Run and this accomplishment.
During the day and into the evening, my wasband was texting me. He anger and jealousy was palpable. I was not “effectively managing” my children by going out for the evening, leaving my oldest daughter (18 at the time)in charge. He had been invited but had refused to take the night off work. Seeing me get an award was just too much for him to handle. And, looking back, I am so grateful he was not there.
My daughter and I had a wonderful dinner and I was able to teach her how a live auction works! She tried mightily to get me to bid on things that were well out of our price range but a girl can dream, right?!
After the auction, it was time for the presentation of awards. When my name was called, I walked to the stage, feeling weak in the knees. I straightened my spine, smiled, and stepped up to accept the award, graciously thanking the presenter. As I walked back to my seat I made a decision. It was a decision that would change the course of my future and the future of my children. I made a choice to be done.
I wanted out but didn’t know how to get out. I wanted to leave my marriage but didn’t know how or when it would happen. I was sad and lonely and in pain. I really was done.
I wanted to find a way out and that night showed me that I needed to find a way. I could not preach self love and empowerment to others all while living a lie of abuse and self hate.
I went through the motions in my marriage for a few more months. Soon enough, the lie I was living exploded. I mustered the courage to confront my wasband. I asked him to make a choice….our family and marriage or his “other life.” He wanted both. I knew that would never work so after a few weeks, I secretly met with a lawyer and filed for divorce.
Don’t get me wrong, I did the “pick me” dance for weeks, begging him to give us a second chance. I waited up all night for him to come home night after night only for him to ignore me or fight with me when he finally arrived. His contempt and indifference was something I will never forget. He taunted me repeatedly with, “I will never agree to a divorce…”, “You will never go through with it….you don’t have the guts….”, “Shut up! You will wake the kids….” and “Think about others would you?! She has small kids! Keep your mouth shut….” Over and over…..night after night….until he was served.
For years, every week I taught my Girls on the Run teams lessons in empowerment and self-esteem. What I failed to realize was that I was the one that needed those messages. I was the one that needed to learn to love myself and have confidence in myself. I needed to find the woman I had stuffed down deep inside me. I needed to be my own outstanding coach.
We never know what will turn the tide in our life. We never know when we will be faced with a moment of truth. We never know what moment will be the defining tipping point. However, when that moment does arrive, we need to be brave enough to face an uncertain future and be prepared to ride the waves of change. We have it in us! We just need to dig deep and find it!
We need to be our own SuperStar…..Our Own Outstanding Coach!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Love

Kristine Binder

I posted this photo and story last week but now it seems more important than ever.
*
This man was in front of me at the grocery store. I complimented his jacket and he told me he made it. I asked him if I could take a photo of it to share and he agreed. 
We stood, holding up the line, chatting for a bit. The front of the jacket had more words as well but the back is what tugged at my heart. 
The people behind us were getting a bit frustrated, so I turned and said, “Thank you for your patience. I appreciate the time to speak with someone about his art.”
They nodded…… and it was like a pressure valve was released. I think they expected me to get mean. 
I turned back to him and said, “Thank you again for chatting and letting me take a picture. God bless…. “
“No, bless you for taking time to get to know me….I love you”
And he walked away. And that was that. 
*
It is moments like this that again remind me of my privilege. It is moments like this I am reminded of the disconnect in society. It is moments like this I am reminded of the power of love.
This man took a chance by wearing his heart not only on his sleeve but on his body. He showed all those he met that there is strength and power in love.
I watched videos of reactions to the Chauvin verdict and what I noticed was a collective exhale. Visible and palpable relief. It was not justice. It was accountability. It was one man being held accountable for his actions. It does not solves the systemic issues of race inequities in this country. What this verdict does is begin to move the needle in the direction forward. We need to move forward towards creating a country where all people feel safe, loved and valued.
Moving forward happens one step at a time….one moment at a time. It all starts with love.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Forward

Kristine Binder

There are times in our life that require us to use every ounce of our energy, patience and endurance. It is so important in those times to use the energy that we DO have left to stay focused. It is so important to keep ourselves from thinking and obsessing about things that drain energy from us. That is often not easy to do.
We need to remain focused on the next step. We need to remember how far we’ve come. We need to remember that we can keep moving forward, often one baby step at a time.
It is in these times that new chapters of our life are being written. The chapters written before today and the chapters written in the future will make up the story that is your life. When all chapters of the story are together in one place, things will start to make sense. We will see that the part we’re going through right now could not be skipped. It is a critical part of the story! When we look at that complete story, we will see what an amazingly strong human we have become.
So, we take things one step at a time. We rest when we are tired. We do not linger in this space. We remember all the steps we took to get to this point. We know that if we keep moving forward, we make progress. All chapters must eventually end. So we take the next right step.
We move forward…one step at a time. A baby step or a giant leap…we just move forward.
Forward is a pace.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Release

Kristine Binder

Sometimes I get so confused and overwhelmed. I am a person who needs answers. What I have realized is that not everything has an answer. Not everything is going to make sense. To be honest, some things will never make sense, ever…and I just have to move on and move forward the best I know how.
Sometimes we don’t get the closure we need so we have to create the closure by saying goodbye to what we do know, and just let the rest just go.
Something that helps me with the release is thinking of all the good things I have learned from whatever it is and why I will be better off putting that energy elsewhere.
Here’s the thing…when we hold things in our hands, waiting until they make sense to let go, our hands are full. We have no room to accept and hold the new things that are waiting for us.
So today, let go of something you have been holding on to looking for that closure. It is not coming anytime soon so let it go. We are ready. We can do it. I believe in you and in me!
Release.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Happy

Kristine Binder

You know it’s okay to be happy, right?
Sometimes we suppress our happiness. Sometimes we suppress our happiness so that we don’t make others feel bad. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we feel we don’t really deserve to be happy. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we don’t feel worthy of happiness.
Happiness is for everyone. Everyone deserves to feel happy sometimes. Everyone goes through ups and downs all throughout life and some days we are so happy want to dance or shout it from the rooftops!
Sometimes when we are in a happy place, others might be going through a difficult time. Your ability to shine your light and share your happiness allows others to feel hopeful. Happiness is a gift. It is a gift to be celebrated, cherished and shared. Those who love you will be so happy for you when things are going well in your life. Just as we can also be happy for others when things are going well for them too. Do not ever think that your happiness is taking anything away from someone else. We want others to be happy because when others are happy, it helps us all to be happy too.
So today, take a deep breath, think only happy thoughts, turn your face to the sun and soak up every bit of that warm sunlight!
Happiness is good.
You are worthy of happiness today and every day.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace