Tag: story

Rebuilding

Kristine Binder

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

re·build
rēˈbild/verb
1 .build (something) again after it has been damaged or destroyed.

In order to rebuild, there has to be something rebuild to begin with.  Something that has been damaged. As the definition states, it is to build again after it has been damaged or destroyed.
So what was damaged? That would be me. My children. My family. My faith. So much has been damaged that rebuilding will not be easy, nor will it be fast… but it will happen.  
I am starting to find my way. I have been collecting the tools I need for this project for a long time.
It is finally time to put them all to use and build something stronger and better for the future.
The telling of my story no longer makes me cry….at least not as much as it used to and for entirely different reasons now. Thus I know I am on the road to healing. I am ready to share this rebuilding process in the hopes that it will not only help me but help others as well. The journey will take twists and turns and the road may not always be without danger, potholes, and other nastiness but what is life without at least one wild roadtrip?
So …here’s to soaring again….

Beginning

Kristine Binder

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

This is the beginning of a written journey but far from the start of the rebuilding process.
I am taking a leap and learning to build my wings again. I had big, strong wings that allowed me to soar at one time in my life. Over time, those wings got clipped and eventually lost all their feathers.
But now….it is time to rebuild.
It is my hope and prayer that sharing this process will help others rebuild as well.
Here’s to soaring again……

Healing

Kristine Binder

In the June of 2015 I filed for divorce. That was the beginning of what would become a long, drawn out, high conflict divorce from an abusive narcissist. The divorce was final 2 years later on August 9, 2017. That was not the and and there are battles being fought but those battles are few and far between now.
I digress. Prior to the divorce I was seeing a therapist. I continued to see her throughout the divorce and long afterwards. Those visits were, and still are, a sanity saver for me. She encouraged me to write it all down to hep me process my feelings. I kept a paper journal and still do. In 2016, about year into the process, she suggested a blog. Her suggestion was to keep it as a private blog until I was ready and strong enough to share my story. I needed to heal a lot more before I could open up to others.
I recently got a notification that the blog was going to be archived. So I went back and read some of the entries. I was triggered all over….but in a different way. I no longer was overcome with fear and anxiety. I didn’t start to hyperventilate. I smiled. I realized that that woman no longer exists. I have come so far in my healing process that the trigger is pride. That is not an emotion I am used to or comfortable with in my life. But I am getting used to it! So, I decided that it is time to publish those blog entries and some of my journal entries. Why? I didn’t know what I know now and didn’t have anyone to talk to about what I was experiencing. I thought that what I was experiencing was ‘normal’. I thought I was alone. What I have come to realize is that my experience was not normal and I was not alone. It was just that no one wanted to talk about it.
If even one person is inspired by my story and chooses a life of freedom, then it will have been worth it.
The next few entries will be dated and posted exactly as I wrote them in 2016
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Forward

Kristine Binder

There are times in our life that require us to use every ounce of our energy, patience and endurance. It is so important in those times to use the energy that we DO have left to stay focused. It is so important to keep ourselves from thinking and obsessing about things that drain energy from us. That is often not easy to do.
We need to remain focused on the next step. We need to remember how far we’ve come. We need to remember that we can keep moving forward, often one baby step at a time.
It is in these times that new chapters of our life are being written. The chapters written before today and the chapters written in the future will make up the story that is your life. When all chapters of the story are together in one place, things will start to make sense. We will see that the part we’re going through right now could not be skipped. It is a critical part of the story! When we look at that complete story, we will see what an amazingly strong human we have become.
So, we take things one step at a time. We rest when we are tired. We do not linger in this space. We remember all the steps we took to get to this point. We know that if we keep moving forward, we make progress. All chapters must eventually end. So we take the next right step.
We move forward…one step at a time. A baby step or a giant leap…we just move forward.
Forward is a pace.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace