Grace

Grace. Giving grace to others is about showing kindness even when it is not always deserved.  To me, grace is going out of my way to show compassion, kindness and love to someone even if they might not appreciate it, or return the favor. It is choosing to do the right thing even when someone may have hurt me in the past or might even hate the sight of me. Giving grace to others means I take the high road.
That high road is long, lonely and exhausting. Doing the right thing, giving grace, is not always my first instinct nor is it always easy. It is often difficult and painful. But in the end, I know that it is the right thing to do.
These past few years I have done what I thought was the right thing over and over again. I have witnessed my children in deep pain in many different ways. I have soaked it all up like a sponge. I have slapped on a smile and kept my mouth closed all while absorbing their pain. They each lash out and emote in different ways. I see and feel their pain like only a mom can. My momma heart knows that I am the ‘safe’ one. They know that my love is stable and unwavering, that I am not going anywhere. So they emotionally vomit all over me and I just clean it all up. I continually offer them grace.
I want things to be easier for my children. I want to take away all the pain and make things easier for them. I want to feel all the hard feelings for them so them don’t have to experience any of it. But I can’t. I know that ‘you have to feel it to heal it.’ So I offer them grace.
The same it true for my friends. I see and feel their pain too. I absorb it all. I am an emotional sponge. And I offer everyone grace.
I am terrified to let any one down, scared to disappoint anyone. It seems that no matter what I do, not matter how hard I try, it is never really enough. Doing the right thing, taking the high road, supporting everyone, is exhausting and I am so very tired. I keep trying to balance all the spinning plates, but can’t stop some from stopping, falling, breaking. There is little to no grace left.
After it is all said and done, at the end of each day, I become so overwhelmed with trying to fix things and protect people that I lose myself in the process. I struggle to find myself in it all and find my center. I struggle to find a piece of that grace I so willingly and generously offer to others.
So what then? Well, I grab the little scrap of grace that is left and hold on for dear life. I cling to what remains like a drowning person. A person drowning in an ocean of tears and feelings. A person who is struggling to stay afloat. I remain in that space, floating, until I can regain my composure, find my footing and begin again.
Give yourself some grace before there is none left for you. Allow yourself to float for a minute…or more. Because when you offer yourself grace, it is so much easier to offer it to others.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

2-2

Today is my favorite day of the year! 
2/2/22
Yup Two Two …. and this year another 22!!
It is always my favorite day of the year (second to my birthday) but this year it is even more special. So many 2’s on one day!
Let’s all celebrate peace, love and kindness in honor of World Tutu Day!!
Today  ….
Dance like no one is watching!
Toss some glitter in the air!
Leave a little sparkle where ever you go!
Choose peace over conflict.
Choose love over hate.
Choose kindness over cruelty.
Make a conscious choice to do a random act of kindness (or more) today! 
No matter how small, kindness matters. 
Think kind thoughts
Speak kind words
Do kind deeds
Namaste
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

14

Tomorrow begins the 14 days of love challenge. For the next 14 days I will leave a note (we’ll now I create images and text them!) for each of my kids with “I love you because…” with a different reason each day.
It gets more difficult as the days progress as I try to find reasons I love them that they don’t think I see.
Try it with the people you love.
Challenge yourself.

Cheetah

Turns out ….
I used to think I was crazy. Why? I was made to believe I was crazy. I was told over and over that I was crazy. I was gaslit until I did not know up from down and forward from backward. 
Turns out….
I used to be an angry, broken woman. Why? I was told over and over that I  was angry for no reason and I was broken beyond repair. 
Turns out….
Life is difficult and glorious and more exciting than I ever realized. Why? I forgot who I was and that I can do hard things like step out of my comfort zone to use the word no. 
Turns out….
I know more than I ever thought possible once I trust my own knowing. 
Turns out…..
I hold the power to create the beautiful, untamed life I want for others and myself. 
Turns out….
I am not crazy or angry or broken. 
Turns out….
I am a GODDAMN CHEETAH. 

30

I was 26.
The year was 1992.
The photographer was my very own brother.
This is the only copy of this photo I have and it was ruined in a flood. The glass has come off in parts but I think it adds to the dimension of the photo.
I have always loved this photo so I decided to recreate it with an updated twist to represent the woman I am now…. 30 years later.
The year is 2022.
I am 56 years old.
The pieces are finally coming together.
Oh the things I would tell that young woman… the lessons she would learn, the mistakes she would make, the wisdom she would gain. I know we would have been good friends had we known each other then. I’m so proud of that girl for all she has become.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace