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Disconnect

Kristine Binder

Disconnection. You ever feel like you need to disconnect? You know….unplug and reset? I am am strong and have been for a long time but sometimes I get weary. I get tired of being strong. I get tired of carrying the weight of the world on my shoulders.
We only have so much emotional bandwidth and it is all been used up….there is no more space. Other emotions that need access are getting an error message. The server can not process any more emotions as it has reached its bandwidth usage limit. The whole system is slowing down.
I have days like this, more during this time of quarantine, than even before. I ride the emotional waves but lately I have found that some days I can not handle any more input. I am on overwhelm. The constant consumption of information and comparison to others. The fleeting images and superficial comments. The criticism, negativity and judgements. It starts to eat away at the core of who I am. As an empath, I take it all personally and want to fix it all. I want everyone to be friends and help one another. Well, that is not reality. Everyone’s reality is different. Everyone carries different baggage.
We all need time to rest and recharge. Time to unplug and reset. So for today, if you are feeling that system slow down, take the time to recharge. Unplug and reset the system. Allow yourself the disconnect from everything and everyone for a bit and focus on yourself. Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.
You are are strong. You deserve rest. The world will still be here when you return, renewed and refreshed. You are worth it.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Release

Kristine Binder

Parenting….it is not easy at any age. It is certainly not for sissies, that’s for sure. I honestly thought it would get easier but I was so wrong.
When you become a parent, each kid comes with the ball of clay that I call the “problem ball”. When they are infants and toddlers that ball forms the shape of hunger, dirty diapers and helplessness. As kids age, the “problem ball” stays the same size, it just changes shape. Frustration, seeking independence, bullies, friends, school……they all take turns shaping that “problem ball” but it never gets bigger or smaller.
Kids become teenagers and teenagers become young adults….all the while reshaping that “problem ball” and all the while that ball remains the same size….it just nevers gets smaller or goes away.
When our kids are born, we parents have hopes and dream for them….but what we begin to realize is that those are OUR hopes and dream NOT theirs. They may or may not even know they have their own! As our kids get older, they may slip and fall. They might make mistakes…….ok honestly…mistakes are a given! And while we feel the need to constantly protect them, we can’t. At some point we need to let go. We need to release them into the world. We need to allow them the space to make those mistakes and fall…..just like we did when they were learning to walk. We need to allow them to learn from those missteps and be a safe, nonjudgmental place to recover from the fall. This is often difficult because we feel the need to protect our kids. But are we protecting them or handicapping them? Are we creating a generation of kids who are insecure of their own abilities because they have never been given them opportunity to recover on their own from a mistake? Are we forcing our kids down the ‘high school/college/grad school/marriage/kids” path because WE think it is right for them or it is because it is what they want? Do they know what they want? Are we smothering them into constant dependency? Are we more concerned with our kids liking us/being our friends or helping them become adults?
I often say I feel guilty for not doing more to protect my children from the abuse in our home. When I voice these feelings to them, they reassure that I did the best I could with what I had at the time and now I do better. They are stronger humans than I could ever have imagined. The path each has taken is not what I hoped and dreamed for any of them but it is they path each has taken on their own. They have created their future. I have created a nest for each of them to return to when they are ready, they want it or they need it….no questions asked.
As a mom, I feel blessed that they grant me grace and allow me to be a passenger on their journey of life, but mostly, my heart swells with pride for each one of them as they are good humans.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Leap

Kristine Binder

This photo means so much to me. It popped up in my memories recently and was a reminder of so many things.
It was 5 years ago….but it seems like a lifetime ago. My kids and I had taken a trip way up North to be with friends. While there, the kids wanted to go cliff jumping at a quarry. The last time I was cliff jumping was when I was in high school…..so it had been a minute! One after the other the kids jumped from the high cliff into the water as the adults cheered and laughed. I am not sure why but all of a sudden, I decided I wanted to jump. I could not remember the last thing I did something irrational. So I moved in front of the other kids and just took that last step….that leap of faith. What I did not know then was how that momententary decision would become a metaphor for my life.
As I felt my back foot leave the ground and I began to freefall, I felt scared but in an exhilarating sort of way, if that makes sense. It was not the “fear of death” scared. It was the “excitement of the unknown” scared. For the past 20 years of my life to that point, I had been controlled and lived in the service of others, my husband, my kids, my job…everything. In that moment, I was free to make a choice for myself. Free to step off a cliff and freefall to the water.
The second I broke the surface of the water I gasped. It was the kind of gasp a baby takes at the moment of birth. A long pause and then a loud cry……I screamed! What a feeling! Unforgettable on so many levels!
The following week, I legally filed for divorce. I had been separated for a few weeks when my kids and I left for this trip but once home, I was ready to take the next step….that real leap. The dissolution of a 20 year marriage is never easy but when other issues are tossed in the mix, the process becomes nasty and horrendous for everyone involved.
The months and years that followed, as I moved through the divorce process, I leaned into all the feelings. The loss, fear, pain, devastation, anger, sadness, greif, failure, guilt, depression, anxiety….I leaned into it all. And then I took a leap.
I leaned and then leaped each time. With each leap, I gained confidence and more freedom. I was learning to make choices for myself again. I was learning to trust myself again. This was not an easy process. Fear had always been my go to emotion, but slowly faith was taking over.
These past 5 years have not been easy by any means but nothing worthwhile is ever easy. I have learned so much, growing in self confidence and faith, becoming so much more courageous. I have learned to trust myself and others. I have become more courageous, excited about life, fearless (ok….not totally!), free and I am discovering a new me that I LOVE!
Do I make the right choice every single time? Nope! Am I proud of every choice I make? Nope. But I own every single choice I make, as well as the consequences of each choice. I lean, leap and learn each and every time!
What is one way you have taken a leap of faith? Do you need guidance or support to take that step? I am here for you! Do one thing today that scares you!
Let’s lean, leap and learn together!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace




Anxious

Kristine Binder
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This morning I had a socially distant coffee date with an old friend. We sat down and dove right in like no time had passed. We didn’t talk about politics, masks, or pandemics. We talked about stress, anxiety and the current status of our mental health. We talked about feeling disconnected and not focused. We talked about how were each had been forgetful and feeling “lost”. We talked a lot about anxiety. Anxiousness over our own health, our current state of employment, our seemingly endless loss of control and structure. I have has many similar conversations with friends recently.
Anxiety is natural and normal for most people. It is a fleeting feeling that comes and goes. Most people can manage it. However, for some people it is more than a an occasional feeling. It is a constant feeling that rarely goes away. It is taking the smallest thing and catastrophizing it into something horrible.
During a regular day, we are busy and have little time to think of all these small things. We are too busy living life and moving from one things to another. We also are surrounded by people that redirect those anxious thoughts and helps us remain on course. Now, during this pandemic, we have slowed the pace. We are alone, or with the same people, at all times. We have more time to think and “navel gaze” about what worries us. This becomes the proverbial rabbit hole. We start to worry about something and with nothing but time, we start to travel down that rabbit hole. Once that spiral journey begins it is difficult to crawl back out on your own.
People are posting all sorts of wonderful parts of quarantine….family dinners, game nights, etc. but is that the reality? We will never know and we should not hold ourselves to that standard. People I have spoken with are so concerned about judgement. We have become a society that is quick to snap off a post or comment that is filled with judgement. Why? Does that make us feel better? More superior? More powerful?
Mental health is an issue that I am passionate about as it so important and yet so taboo. People like medical issues that fit neatly in a box and have a cure. They like things they know and can see. Mental health is not the same for everyone. It does not manifest itself in the same way with everyone and there is no clear course of treatment that is the same for everyone. Say ‘Cancer’ and people understand. Say ‘Mental Health’ and people not only don’t understand, they downplay it, saying you are “crazy”. This drives the issues further underground and often makes them worse. Knowing we are not alone and not being judged is so affirming in so many ways. Reaching out for help, sharing your troubles, makes you more vulnerable but it also makes you stronger. You learn and you grow. You get better.
Does it all happen over night? Nope it takes work…lots of work…with yourself, with a therapist and with your friends. You are not crazy or lazy or silly. You are a feeling person in a changing world that is in need a support. Find your support system. Find those people that you trust and can listen, helping you address those uncomfortable feelings. I guarantee you that you are not alone!
If you are not sure who to trust, reach out. I am here. I will create a non-judgemental space for you to express yourself and listen to you. I will allow you to be yourself and see yourself in the most real way. I will help you move from vulnerability to validation. Scary? Sure. But isn’t everything worthwhile scary at first?
I am here and together we move forward in the healthiest way possible.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace


12

Kristine Binder

12 years.
Looking back at that girl from 12 years ago….
there is so much I would tell her
Warnings I would inform her of
Advice I would give her
She would not have listened.
Back then, she was knee deep in mothering her kids. She was busy making excuses for everything in her life. She is me…. and we learn the hard way.
The wisdom and strength I have gained over those 12 years are worth all the pain and heartache.
The time of excuses is long past. I own all of my past.
Knowing me the way that I do…. I’m only going to grow in strength, character, grace and wisdom moving forward.
Looking back only helps me clearly see lessons learned in order to focus on the path forward.
What would you tell yourself 12 years ago?
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace