Tag: forward is a pace

Happy

Kristine Binder

You know it’s okay to be happy, right?
Sometimes we suppress our happiness. Sometimes we suppress our happiness so that we don’t make others feel bad. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we feel we don’t really deserve to be happy. Sometimes we suppress our happiness because we don’t feel worthy of happiness.
Happiness is for everyone. Everyone deserves to feel happy sometimes. Everyone goes through ups and downs all throughout life and some days we are so happy want to dance or shout it from the rooftops!
Sometimes when we are in a happy place, others might be going through a difficult time. Your ability to shine your light and share your happiness allows others to feel hopeful. Happiness is a gift. It is a gift to be celebrated, cherished and shared. Those who love you will be so happy for you when things are going well in your life. Just as we can also be happy for others when things are going well for them too. Do not ever think that your happiness is taking anything away from someone else. We want others to be happy because when others are happy, it helps us all to be happy too.
So today, take a deep breath, think only happy thoughts, turn your face to the sun and soak up every bit of that warm sunlight!
Happiness is good.
You are worthy of happiness today and every day.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Peace

Kristine Binder

It is a word to which I feel connected. It is a word that is all over my home and how I sign my emails and posts. It is a place and feeling I have been searching for for a long time.
It was not until the gift of the pandemic that I realized I have arrived into peace. It is a strange feeling.
When you live your life in hyper-vigilance and trauma for so long you forget when it feels like to really breathe, slowly and intentionally. I was talking to a friend the other day and said it is strange not to have to explain why I want to do nothing but knit or read. Why choosing to do nothing, or everything, in a day is liberating. Why sitting still feels so strange.
For years I killed myself in my home, as a mom and in my career. I was exhausted and made to believe that I was still not doing enough. “Why are you so tired?” (after teaching all day, driving kids all over, coaching, cooking dinner and doing other work) “What did you do all day?” (after keeping kids alive and out of the er, fed and happy all day plus house chores) “Why is (insert anything) not done yet?” (after doing all the things and fixing all the things and cooking all the things) I was conditioned to believe that I was not enough, I was not doing enough, and I was “lazy”. Yes, conditioned to believe those lies because I am a people pleaser (more on that trauma response later). I did not want to disappoint anyone. I did not want anyone to be angry with me so I killed myself….slowly and deliberately …. For the happiness of others.
What I failed to realize at the time is that I could NEVER make them happy.  The more I gave, the more they demanded. I had no boundaries.  Over the past 6 years, I have learned boundaries. I have learned balance. I have learned to honor myself.
It took a global pandemic to drive home the “slow down” message. I learned that slowing down to sit and knit, watch a whole movie, read a book or go for a long walk is ok. I am not “lazy” when I do those things. I am at peace. I do not have to be constantly moving. I do not have to give all of me in the name of the happiness of others. I do not have to explain my activity(or lack thereof) to anyone. I still want to make others happy (remember…people pleaser!) but I want to do it on my terms. It is not easy but I know what it feels like now to be at peace…..and I like it.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Stop

Kristine Binder

I used to be really embarrassed about telling people that I was divorced. I used to be mortified to walk around my community. Why? My wasband chose himself and infidelity over our family. 
But then I stopped giving a shit.
Unless you have been cheated on, you have no idea what it is like to trust again.  Unless you have been abused, you have no idea what it is to deal with that kind of trauma. Unless you’ve been divorced,  you have no idea what goes into making a decision like divorce.
No one just wakes up and decides to get a divorce for no reason…especially when kids are involved.  Divorces are really, really hard.  Your whole life gets flipped upside down and you have to start all over again. 
Let’s be real, no good marriage ends in divorce.
I tried….for years. I tried everything to make it work but then I realized I was the only one doing the work. I was the only one changing. I was the only one being faithful. I was the only one being abused. I was also the one showing my kids what to expect from marriage.
So I made a decision to save myself and my kids. I stopped feeling embarrassed or guilty and so should you.  
I realized that the people who are passing judgement have no idea how hard it was for any one to have to make the decision to divorce. They have  no idea how much work gets put into the marriage to try to make it work before coming to the conclusion that divorce is the only option. They have no idea how difficult it is to deal with lawyers, courts and the legal system. They have no idea the financial and emotional toll that divorce takes on the entire family.
Not everyone is going to understand your divorce.  Not everyone’s going to agree with your divorce. It would be amazing if family and friends supported us and our choices.  It would be awesome if people kept their opinions to themselves. However, sometimes those things are just not possible.
People are going to be judgmental regardless. So let them judge! 
That is on them and not you or me.
I stopped giving a shit…and so should you.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Kids

Kristine Binder

These kids.
My kids.
They have been though a lot as individuals and together.
They are the cause of my grey hair, my tears and my laugh lines.
They are the source of my pride and the origin of my insanity!
They build each other up more than they tear each other down.
They may be at different ages and stages of life, but watching them share space as they grow and mature fills up my momma heart.
I find peace in the fact that long after I am gone, they will still have each other….. and the memories of our times together.
I have, and always will be, their Kristine (mom)… whether they like it or not…. they can work that out in therapy!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Hope

Kristine Binder

I took a walk today with 4 of my favorite guys (Puccini, Brubeck, Copelend, and Lucky dog). While I wish I could say we ran 6 miles, today we only walked it. I am still a bit anxious about running and falling again after my injury so we take it one step at a time. Today we walked.
While we were out, we saw a few of our lady friends. We have not seen them in a while due to weather and ….well….Covid!
“Still got his ball I see!” one of the ladies says.
“Goes no where without it!” I reply
Lucky? He was ready to flirt and show off for the ladies so I tossed the ball a few times as the ladies clapped and giggled then Lucky and I were on our way.
I had not realized how I missed something as small as that short interaction with the ladies. I had not realized I missed actually see them on our walks. I had not realized that they were all back outside walking together. And at that moment I DID realize that they…we …. had made it through a long winter.
Spring is a time of hope. It is a time when the weather starts to warm, the flowers start to bloom and the days get a little longer. It is a reminder that no season lasts forever. We all got through seasons in life with some seasons lasting longer than others but the seasons do change eventually.
I took a walk today with a few guys and met a few ladies. I took a walk today and felt something I have not felt in a long time……hope.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace