Stillness

This morning, I did something I rarely do: I walked without anything in my ears. No podcast. No music. No audiobook. No phone call. Just… me and the morning.
Okay, to be honest, it wasn’t exactly intentional. I forgot my AirPods!
But maybe the universe knew something I didn’t.
Lately, my world has felt really loud. Overwhelming. So much coming at me from every direction—emotionally, mentally, even physically. Constant noise. Constant motion. I’ve been carrying it all, and this morning? I was tired. I am tired.
I stepped outside into a cool, damp, grey spring morning—a sky that perfectly matched my mood. Grey.
And in that unexpected quiet, something shifted.
Without my usual distractions, I found myself tuning into the world around me. I heard the birds singing layered melodies overhead, the low rumble of distant cars, the rhythmic ding of train gates coming down, and then the whoosh of a passing train. Kids passed by on their way to school—some laughing, some dragging backpacks twice their size. Lucky’s collar jingled beside me in steady time with the sound of my own footsteps.
The sky, though heavy, made everything else stand out more vividly. I spotted a cardinal darting between branches(hi, dad!), squirrels in their usual chaotic hustle, even a few bunnies tucked into the morning quiet. I could smell fresh coffee from the neighborhood café and someone’s breakfast —bacon maybe? Funny how that works. When I tune out, I tune in.
And today, in the stillness, I was able to give my head, heart and soul a break. I was able to catch my breath for a bit. I was able to find a little peace.
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Quiet

Today I went for what Tik Tok is calling the quiet girl walk. No dog (too hot as it was the middle of the day), no headphones, no music, no friends…. just me and my thoughts. For over 3 miles it was just the voices in my head and the noises surrounding me. It was honestly an experience that I would recommend to everyone. You don’t realize how constant noise and constant input affect your mental health. Just going for a 30 minute walk by yourself is amazing and it forces you to confront all the things that you try to run or walk away from by distracting yourself with a walking partner, music, podcast or an audiobook. It was the perfect way to stretch my legs midday after working at the desk all morning.
Outside,  the world,  nature…its all my church. Because church can be anywhere that you are in touch with yourself whoever/whatever your higher power is.  Walking and running are meditation for me. My church, if you will. There were so many times I wanted to grab my phone to put my book or some music on the speaker. I wanted to call a friend just to hear someone’s voice and talk to them while holding the phone to my ear. But I resisted those urges, and by the end of the walk, I stopped even checking that I had my phone. I was at peace with it. I had a few arguments with myself and figured a few things out but what I realized is that often times I just need to hear myself think. I spend so mush time with ‘noise’, both good and bad, that I need some quiet once in a while.
It was good to go ‘quiet’ for a while. 
Everyone should try it!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Lilacs

I was out for a walk today….but chose a different direction. That made all the difference.
Spring has sprung! The sights, smells and colors are a feast for the senses. I love lilies of the valley, viburnum and lilacs. The scent takes my right back to my childhood.
Today I stopped near an alley at a large lavender lilac bush taller than me by at last 4 feet. As I closed my eyes to inhale the sweet aroma, I was startled by an older woman on the other side of the fence. I took a step back as I had no mask on.
“Its fine, honey…..I got my shots!” the woman said.
I laughed and said, “Me too! Your lilacs are so beautiful!”
“Thank you. I didn’t think they would ever grow. My children would always pick bunches for their teachers every spring.”
“And wrap them in wet paper towels and tin foil?”
This time it was the lady that laughed…. “Yes! How did you know?!”
“I did the same thing! I love lilacs and loved giving them to my teachers too! I am a teacher now and sometimes students give them to me! Do your kids live close by?”
“Oh no. They are long gone…..” She trailed off…
“Oh…..well do they visit often?”
“No sweetie….they are gone. I had 2 children and they both have passed away…..”
I felt like such an asshole in that moment. Talk about putting my foot in my mouth.
“I am so sorry. I didn’t mean….”
She stopped me….”Sweetie…I could not help them. I did my best. I was on my own….. and drugs were stronger than my love. Are you a mom?”
“Yes….I have 5 kids and am on my own too……”
There was an awkward silence as we just stood there looking at my panting dog beside me.
“Well, I should be going. My dog needs a drink! It was so nice to talk to you. Thank you for sharing your flowers!”
“Wait…..please pick some of the lilacs for yourself. A big bunch! Thank for stopping and talking to me. We mommas have to stick together! Hug your kids for me……you are so blessed and a blessing to me. Thank you.”
So I picked a bunch of lilacs, waved goodby to her and headed home.
The whole way I home I thought about what she said…..My kids make me crazy, giving me grey hair while they test my sanity but they are here. They are each a phone call away. I am blessed.
I never did ask her for her name but will now make it a point to walk past her house more often. We mommas have to stick together.
Peace.
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Hope

I took a walk today with 4 of my favorite guys (Puccini, Brubeck, Copelend, and Lucky dog). While I wish I could say we ran 6 miles, today we only walked it. I am still a bit anxious about running and falling again after my injury so we take it one step at a time. Today we walked.
While we were out, we saw a few of our lady friends. We have not seen them in a while due to weather and ….well….Covid!
“Still got his ball I see!” one of the ladies says.
“Goes no where without it!” I reply
Lucky? He was ready to flirt and show off for the ladies so I tossed the ball a few times as the ladies clapped and giggled then Lucky and I were on our way.
I had not realized how I missed something as small as that short interaction with the ladies. I had not realized I missed actually see them on our walks. I had not realized that they were all back outside walking together. And at that moment I DID realize that they…we …. had made it through a long winter.
Spring is a time of hope. It is a time when the weather starts to warm, the flowers start to bloom and the days get a little longer. It is a reminder that no season lasts forever. We all got through seasons in life with some seasons lasting longer than others but the seasons do change eventually.
I took a walk today with a few guys and met a few ladies. I took a walk today and felt something I have not felt in a long time……hope.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

10,000

Day 9 of 30
10g 
By April my depression and anxiety were really horrible. So over spring break I decided to get back to running. On days I didn’t run, I walked. I set a daily goal of 10,000 steps each day. For  29 weeks(203 days/4.5 daily miles/920 miles), I have reached that goal. Some days even getting out of bed to get the final steps in and other days going well over that mark. 
I am grateful for my buddy and the time we spend together clearing my head. I’m grateful for my Garmin that rewards me when I reach my daily goal!! 
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace