Blog

57

Kristine Binder

As I complete another trip around the sun I compiled a list of 57 things I have learned so far in my life. 

  1. Life is for living. Don’t wait to do all the things.
  2. Not everyone has the same heart as you. Don’t take shit personally and if you do, don’t dwell on it. 
  3. Listen more than you speak.  The less you say, the more weight your words have. 
  4. Breathe. Really…pause and take a breath. It is going to be ok.
  5. Trust your gut. Learn to listen to yourself and trust your intuition.
  6. Let things go. If it is not yours to carry, put it down.
  7. Enjoy live music. Big venues, small venues, festivals, street fairs, buskers…. Just listen and enjoy. There is nothing that compares to a live performance. 
  8. Learn to love the person staring back at you from the mirror. She is all you have.  Love her unconditionally.
  9. Give yourself the love you give to others. 
  10. Buy yourself the flowers once in a while. 
  11. You are stronger than you will ever realize.
  12. C-PTSD sucks but you will learn to manage. 
  13. Ask for help once in a while. You like being independent but asking for help sometimes helps you and others too.
  14. Drink your water.
  15. Read all the books. Even if you think you will not like them, try. You might learn something.
  16. Keep learning. Stay curious. Learn something new every day. 
  17. Gratitude is so important. Always be grateful and tell people you are grateful.
  18. Be kind. Especially when you don’t want to and it is hard. That is when kindness is needed most.
  19. Make sure you always have a valid passport. See the world. Explore cities, cultures, countries. It will teach you so much.
  20. Laugh. It is not always easy but find the humor in each day. 
  21. Heal your inner child. Do the work and allow her to come out and play. She has been through a lot and deserves your love and attention.
  22. THERAPY saves lives. Do the work and own your shit with the help of therapy. It will not be easy but it will be worth it.
  23. Eat good food and eat junk food. Just do it all in moderation. 
  24. You do not have to fit in. Be you. People will either like you or not and that is on them. Just be true to you.
  25. It will work out. It may not work out like you planned but it will work out and you will be ok. 
  26. Your friends may change over time and that is ok but your OG, ride or die friends will always be there. They love you like no one else. 
  27. No one cares how you fold your sheets or if you match your socks. Do it in the way that makes you happy and leave it at that. 
  28. Cook for yourself. Make the foods you love and savor the experience of cooking. 
  29. Love your people but allow them to own their own lives. You can’t save them and you can’t control them. Just let them go and be there if and when they need you. 
  30. Learn your worth and DO NOT give discounts…not in relationships or business. You teach people what you are worth and you are priceless!
  31. Take yourself on dates. Love yourself enough to treat yourself. 
  32. Make the appointments and keep them. Go to the doctor, dentist, optometrist and all the other doctors. Take care of yourself and your body.  You only have one body so take care of it.
  33. The kids will be ok. Hold space for them along with firm boundaries and they will love you even more. They may take ‘relationship vacations’ but they always come back home because they love you. No one else is Mom.
  34. No is a complete sentence. Full stop. 
  35. Regret is a waste of time. Take the lessons learned and move forward.
  36. Love the child that is right there in front of you …..not the child you envisioned. You were chosen to love and care for your child. Do not let others or yourself cloud your vision. Be the mom to that child. Just be their mom.
  37. Talk to strangers once in a while. Your interaction might be the only one they have all day. 
  38. Dance. Alone, with others, in the kitchen, in your car….just dance. Who cares who is watching!
  39. Quality over quantity. This goes for clothes, friends, food…..
  40. Parenting is not sissies. It is hard work but worth it all when you see the amazing humans you have sent into the world. 
  41. Have a plant in your space. At home and at work plants are important for the lessons in patience and health benefits they offer to us.
  42. Time is far more valuable than money. Spend it wisely.
  43. Loss is never easy. Cherish moments and hold memories close. 
  44. You job is just that…a job. You can always be replaced at work but your life and your family are irreplaceable. 
  45. Volunteer. Work with charity organizations. This will fill you up like nothing else in your world and help others in the process. 
  46. Say you are sorry and mean it. Ask how you hurt someone and apologize. 
  47. Make peace with the past. You can not change it so find a way to make peace with it and face the future with the lessons learned. 
  48. Forgive others. You do not have to forget how they hurt you but forgive and release them to face whatever karma awaits them. Do it for you, not them. 
  49. Opinions are like assholes….everyone has one. So take it or leave it but don’t be ruled by the opinions of others. 
  50. Move your body every day. Walk, run, dance…whatever and however but move every day. You joints will thank you. 
  51. Step out of your comfort zone once in a while. Do something that makes you uncomfortable like trying something new or talking to someone you just met. You may just surprise yourself. 
  52. Pick your battles. Not everything is worth fighting for and sometimes peace is more valuable than being right. 
  53. There is so much so much beauty and freedom of the other side of fear. Push through the scary stuff. 
  54. Vulnerability is life changing. Showing others your softer side allows them to see a side of you that will change your relationship for the better. 
  55. See color. Life is not all black and white. There are so many different sides to issues and so many colors in the world. Embrace them all
  56. Life really does get better with age. The middle can be messy but love yourself through it knowing that it will get better. 
  57. Love. Love yourself and love others. Love is always an answer and love always wins.

    Peace
    #tutulady
    #forwardisapace

Dreams

Kristine Binder

Once upon a time
I dreamed of a husband that was my best friend.
Once upon a time
I dreamed of a big house filled with family.
One upon a time
I dreamed of nights around the table with my kids, playing games, laughing and creating core memories.
Once upon a time
I HAD that big house and big family
However, the house was filled secrets and the family was filled with chaos.
Had I known that my dreams would become something of nightmares, maybe I would have had different dreams.
Now, as I enter my 57th year standing on the balcony of my small rental condo, my eyes filling with tears, I listen to the laughter of my kids and their significant others. I see them all sitting and standing together, just happy to share space. I smell the ‘team effort’ dinner that is almost ready. I stand here taking it all in and realize that my current reality is so much better than that of my dreams.
I no longer have a spouse but I have realized that I am far stronger and more capable than I ever realized. I can do it all on my own.
I don’t have a big house but I now have a home that is a safe space for not only my own kids, but their friends and my friends too. I have a big family that is still chaotic but in the best way possible now. We laugh, cry, disagree, play games, communicate, get loud, get quiet, are protective of each other and love each other fiercely.
Here’s the thing about dreams, eventually you have to wake up and face reality and my reality is looking pretty good right now.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Fractured

Kristine Binder

Fractured means broken; damaged in a sudden or violent way. That is a perfect description of how I currently feel.
This week I took a tumble. I was standing on the high back of a chair to reach a 7 foot shelf. I lost my balance and fell to the ground from about 4 feet in the air. It was not pretty and I knew I hurt myself the minute it happened. I was trying to do to much and declined an offer of help which led to this fall.
I drove myself to the IBJI immediate care and was told that my wrist was, in fact fractured. The Dr. that diagnosed the injury(a man that appeared older than me) gave me a pity look and said, “accidents happen…especially to older women….” He continued to talk, making me feel like a feeble old lady. He failed to grasp that this could very well have happened to him if he had fallen from the same height. He was in the room for all of 10 minutes and laughed as he left. I was so stunned, and still in shock, that I failed to ask questions. I was fitted for a brace and still had questions. The PT did not feel comfortable answering some of those questions so I had to return to the Drs office to meet with his PA in order to ask vital questions (pain relief, activity level, cautions, follow up, etc).
I went home feeling really depressed and overwhelmed. Well wishes, and offers to help were many. I responded as expected of me….”I am fine.” “It is just a small thing.” “It is a speed bump….a reminder to slow down and ask for help.” “Its ok…just glad it is not worse.” But I was not fine. I am not fine. I am sad. I am angry. I am depressed. I am getting older and that scares the hell out of me.
I am angry that a Dr. minimized my injury and blamed early onset menopause for the fact that I was injured. Why? I am an older woman. Has he seen my other medical charts? Does he know my overall health history and know when I started menopause or did he make an assumption based on face value? What does he know about menopause as a MALE orthopedic Dr.? He did not even ask for details as to how I was injured. He just made assumptions. The way he spoke to me made me feel far less intelligent than I am. That is infuriating!
I arrived home and resumed life as normal, responding to messages and laughing about my fate….all while falling apart inside.
I am being transparent about my struggles not for pity but in the hope that others will do the same. We say to ‘check on our happy friends” and that is hitting home for me in a very real way. I am always the strong one, the one that doesn’t need help, thus vulnerability is not in my wheelhouse. In this moment I am beating myself up for my stupidity and brazen lack of safety. I am mad at myself for not advocating for myself in a better way with medical staff. I am sad that I had to deal with not only this injury for 4 weeks, but the rehab and pain that is sure to follow. I am sad that I have, once again, been confronted with aging and the limitations of my physical body. I am frustrated that I can not do the things I had planned for the remainder of my break, nor in the upcoming weeks and probably have to make other lifestyle changes for a while.
Is this just a speed bump, a reminder to slow down, ask for help and advocate for myself more often? Yes. In my rational mind I know this, however, past trauma and C-PTSD rears its ugly head at any opportunity possible in my life. And these past 2 days have been very difficult. I fight to diminish my anxiety and the negative self talk that fills my head. I struggle to find ways to rest and quiet the negative noise. I am working to find the compassion and understanding for myself that I so often offer others…which it is no easy task. I am really hard on myself every day but in times like this? I go above and beyond!
My motto in running and life is #forwardisapace, thus I take this day, and every day, one step at a time…..even if that is a baby step wrapped in bubble wrap! I have a great therapist who offers practical advice (I just have to implement it!). I have the gift of a few more days of winter break to rest. I have medical insurance. I have people who love me and check on me. I am blessed and never take any of those blessings for granted!
Right now I am be fractured, broken and damaged, but I will make it through today (and every day after that)and call that a win! I might be down right now, but NEVER count me out!
Check on your strong friends.
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Questions

Kristine Binder

As we end 2022 (a number I LOVE for obvious reasons!), it is time to reflect. Reflection is good as it prepares us to look forward heading into the new year. Below are some reflection questions that I will be answering in the next 2 days. I would love your thoughts on any one of these questions or all of them.

What is one challenge that you’ve overcome this year?
What accomplishment are you most proud of this year?
What’s the best book you read this year?
What’s the best podcast you listened to this year?
What made you the happiest this year?
Who’s the person you couldn’t have gotten through this year without?
What is one goal you have for the new year?
What are you most fearful of/nervous about in the coming year?
What are you most looking forward to in the new year?
What word or phrase will you take into the new year with you?

I look forward to reading your responses and the venturing into the new year with you all!

Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace