Alignment

At 60, I would love to tell you I have mastered self-love — that I wake up every day fully confident, fully certain, fully comfortable in my own skin. I don’t.
Many days I am still critical. Many days I still question myself. Many days I slip into old patterns of thinking I should be more, do more, fix more.
But I am finally understanding something I wish I learned decades ago: self-love isn’t a switch that flips on. It’s a pattern you recognize.
So, on Valentine’s day, instead of asking, Do I love myself?
I asked a better question:
Where am I already loving myself?
And suddenly the evidence was everywhere.
I love myself — and my brain — enough to read and learn something new every single day. Growth is not accidental at this age. It is a decision. Curiosity is hope in action, and I am still planning a future I want to be present for.
I love myself — and my body — enough to move it with intention every day. Not as punishment. Not to become smaller. But to stay alive inside this body that has carried me through six decades of joy, heartbreak, birth, grief, laughter, and survival…no matter what it looks like.
I love myself enough to walk slowly. To practice walking meditation. To be still in a world that profits off my distraction. Stillness used to feel unproductive. Now I understand it is repair.
I love myself enough to eat foods that nourish me and foods that delight me — because balance is health too. Deprivation never healed anyone. Peace did.
I love myself enough to love Lucky, my constant companion. His love is unconditional and unspoken. He does not ask me to be younger, thinner, quieter, nicer, easier. He just loves me. And in that loving, he reminds me I am allowed to exist without performing.
I love myself enough to finally stand up for what I know is right. Even when my voice shakes. Even when it disappoints people. Even when it costs me relationships I once tried to preserve at my own expense. Silence is not kindness to yourself.
I love myself enough to allow myself to feel grief. Real grief. Not the rushed, polite version. I have lost people, versions of my life, expectations, and imagined futures. Honoring that pain is not weakness — it is loyalty to my self and my own story.
I love myself enough to surround myself with beauty. Fresh flowers. Music. Words. Reflections of sunlight. The small things that say life is still offering me moments of beauty and I am still allowed to receive them.
And yes — I love myself enough to buy the things that others think frivolous but bring me joy. Joy is not wasteful. Joy is maintenance for the soul.
So no, I don’t fully love myself yet.
But I trust myself more.
I protect my peace more.
I choose myself more.
And maybe that is what self-love actually looks like at 60 — not arrival, but alignment.
Not perfection, but permission.
Yesterday was Valentine’s Day.
I did not wait for love to find me.
I practiced giving it to the one person who has been here for every single moment of my life.
Me.

Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Permission

“Your hair is gorgeous! Who does your hair? Is she close by?”
That’s how the conversation started in the gym locker room as I was pulling my hair into a ponytail before my workout. I was wearing the same sweatshirt all day—the one with “You are loved” written across the back. And maybe that message was quiet, unspoken permission. Permission to be kind. Permission to notice. Permission to start a conversation.
What followed was one of those easy, ordinary exchanges—hair, products, color, cuts, all the things women talk about when we’re standing in front of mirrors together. We laughed, chatted for a few minutes, and then went our separate ways to get our workouts in.
About an hour later, I walked into the sauna. And there she was again. When one of the other women left it, was just the two of us…..
She then asked how my workout went, and just like that, we picked up where we left off. And then, without warning, her voice cracked. Today was her birthday. A big one. Fifty. And she had no one to celebrate with other than her parents. The tears came quickly, the kind that have been waiting for permission to fall.
So I listened.
She talked about feeling behind, about what she thought her life “should” look like by now, about all those inner comparisons that show up on milestone birthdays. And then she said something that stopped me in my tracks—that she felt I was meant to walk into that locker room that today so she wouldn’t feel so alone on her birthday.
When it was my turn to speak, I gently reframed some of the things she was saying about herself—offering a different lens, one rooted in compassion instead of judgment. At one point she smiled and said, “I never thought about it that way.” And that moment mattered…..to both of us.
Because here’s the thing: people don’t always need answers or advice. What they need is to feel seen. To feel heard. To feel like they matter.
I don’t believe in coincidences. I believe in God-incidences. Moments where paths cross on purpose, even when we don’t realize it at first. And today felt like one of those moments—one quiet reminder that showing up, listening, and letting someone know they matter can make a bigger difference than we’ll ever realize. Life is funny like that.

Peace

This morning, I woke up in my happy place. Yet, something felt different. As I sipped my coffee, gazing at the water and listening to the birds, it struck me: today is Independence Day, a day we celebrate freedom. But today, it wasn’t just about national freedom; it was about my personal freedom. For the first time in what feels like forever, I am at peace. For over half my life, I lived in fear, always bracing for the next shoe to drop, tirelessly trying to maintain peace around me. The anxiety of keeping everything and everyone in balance was a heavy burden. But now, that chapter is closed. The peace I feel now is so profound, so tangible, that it’s almost overwhelming. To anyone who has spent years wondering when the turmoil will end, take heart: it does end. There is peace after the storm. When you finally reach that moment when the world allows you to truly exhale for what feels like the first time in your adult life, it’s like a weight is lifted. The constant feeling of impending doom dissipates, and what remains is pure, unadulterated peace. Even though our country may feel scary and uncertain right now, peace is still possible. The hope for that peace is what drives us forward. Our nation’s current challenges can make it hard to believe in a peaceful future, but it’s crucial to hold onto that hope. It is hope that sustains us, fuels our resilience, and lights the way to a brighter, more peaceful tomorrow. I share my journey, the good, bad and inbetween to give others hope. Hope that things do get better. Hope that there is a way forward. Hope that a future filled with peace is possible. On this Independence Day, I celebrate not just the freedom of our nation, but the profound personal freedom that has finally brought me real peace. Peace is out there, waiting for you. Keep moving forward, and I promise that you will find it.

Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace

58

As I embark on another journey around the sun this week, I find myself reflecting on the 58 years I’ve spent on this planet. Last year, I shared 57 lessons I had learned, and while those remain true, I want to add one more:

58. Embrace the journey. Every twist, turn, and detour has its purpose.

This past year, I’ve truly embraced the journey. I welcomed people into my life and into my home, I let some of those same people(and others) go, I encouraged my children to spread their wings despite my fears, I took advantage of opportunities that scared me for all sorts of reasons from anxiety to financial, I took charge of situations that, had I not ‘done the work’ I would never have been capable of handling, I broke and I healed (more than once),  set new boundaries, and discovered the joy of my own company.
Getting older isn’t easy—it comes with its challenges. Yet, it’s also liberating. I have learned so much about myself, my life and my past that as I move forward, I have made peace with it all. Every day I see people that are so afraid of the aging process from skin to trauma. They fight for relevance and importance. If I died today, I would be ok with it. I am at peace with where I am in life and who I am. I know that I have made a lasting impact on this world. I also know that life will go on once I am gone….and I am really ok with that fact. 
Being at peace requires inner work—acceptance, love, letting go of the past, and acknowledging accomplishments. Yes, I still grapple with struggles; I’m only human. Surrounding myself with empowering women and seeking therapy keeps me accountable, fostering continual growth.
The next year is a mystery, and I’ve started it by manifesting new and exciting things. With an open heart and mind, I eagerly anticipate the lessons this year will bring.  What lesson will I learn this year to add to the list…..who knows, but let’s get started! Here’s to the journey ahead!
Peace,
#tutulady
#forwardisapace

Quiet

Today I went for what Tik Tok is calling the quiet girl walk. No dog (too hot as it was the middle of the day), no headphones, no music, no friends…. just me and my thoughts. For over 3 miles it was just the voices in my head and the noises surrounding me. It was honestly an experience that I would recommend to everyone. You don’t realize how constant noise and constant input affect your mental health. Just going for a 30 minute walk by yourself is amazing and it forces you to confront all the things that you try to run or walk away from by distracting yourself with a walking partner, music, podcast or an audiobook. It was the perfect way to stretch my legs midday after working at the desk all morning.
Outside,  the world,  nature…its all my church. Because church can be anywhere that you are in touch with yourself whoever/whatever your higher power is.  Walking and running are meditation for me. My church, if you will. There were so many times I wanted to grab my phone to put my book or some music on the speaker. I wanted to call a friend just to hear someone’s voice and talk to them while holding the phone to my ear. But I resisted those urges, and by the end of the walk, I stopped even checking that I had my phone. I was at peace with it. I had a few arguments with myself and figured a few things out but what I realized is that often times I just need to hear myself think. I spend so mush time with ‘noise’, both good and bad, that I need some quiet once in a while.
It was good to go ‘quiet’ for a while. 
Everyone should try it!
Peace
#tutulady
#forwardisapace