When you least expect it, life surprises you! I enjoy being creative and sharing that creativity with others. I love teaching and coaching others. So when an opportunity to combine so many of the things that fill me up, I jumped right in ….. which lead to the creation of Sparkle Social Media! Women ‘of a certain age’ run businesses that need to be relevant and present on social media. Younger social media managers often do not speak to the needs or wants of this group of women. Enter Sparkle Social Media! Sparkle Social Media was created to offer coaching on optimizing social media profiles, systems to streamline content creation/posting, as well as full service social media management. I help business owners at all levels maximize engagement on various social media platforms. Want more information on or services and plans? Click the CONTACT tab at the top of the page and let’s connect!
A friend recently said to me, “I really want what you have“ She is not happy in her marriage and wants out. I told her to be careful what she wishes for. Am I finally at peace in my life? Yes! Did I fight like hell to get here into this place? Hell yes! Do I work hard every day to maintain my sanity and peace? Yes! It’s not an easy task. And there are plenty of pitfalls. I hear all the time “You are so strong!“ “You are such an inspiration!“ “I do not know how you do it!” along with all sorts of other similar platitudes. And all of that is great. But I still get lonely. Would I rather be alone and lonely then in a loveless marriage and feeling alone? Hell yes! Would I rather be alone and lonely than surrounded by people that make me feel alone? No question! There are plenty of people that are angry about where I am now. There are plenty of people that are jealous of where I am now. There are plenty of people that are envious of where I am now. None of that matters to me. Not one little bit. What matters is that there are things that I miss. I miss the little things…the family events that didn’t take so much work or planning. The holidays that were not shared with so many different families. The dinners with other couples….to name a few. However, what I have gained and the daily sense of grounded peace I feel…I would not trade that for the world. That is what matters to me most of all. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
If you give this girl a Lemon…. She Is sure to make Lemonade! And all sorts of other good things….like connections! It was such an honor to be asked to share my story! Thank you LemonSpark Stories for having me on the podcast!
Today is National Bikini Day! Did you know that? I did not! It popped up on my calendar and got me to thinking……thinking about women and bathing suits. This past weekend I went to a pool party. I was nervous as I did not know many people and was unsure what bathing suit to wear. I brought a few options, both 2 piece because my only other suit is a one piece that I wear to swim laps. I put on my bikini and went in the pool….a little nervous. There were about 6 other women there(all over 40)….and all got in the pool. All had on all sorts of bathing suits but what was amazing was that all of the women complemented each other on each other’s swimwear and all seemed comfortable in the water. This was a first for me. I have never been comfortable in swimwear. I have worn bikinis, tankinis and one pieces but I have never liked the way I look in any of them. I know that this started at a young age. I found an old photo from when I was 17 the summer before senior year. I was covered from head to toe…long sleeve shirt and large beach towel wrapped around my lower half. At first glance one would think it was cold on the beach…nope. The others in the photo (that I cut out!) are all in skimpy 80’s bikinis, short shorts and tank tops. I hated my body and always thought I was fat. I mean I was bigger than most girls but I was not the wafer thin image of beauty of that time. I gained and lost weight my whole life. I was never confident in my figure and constantly compared myself to others standard of beauty. I looked to others (usually men) for validation that I was pretty. Fast forward 17 years. I was a 34 year old mom to 3 girls under the age of 6. I was not happy that someone took a photo of me and remember being very upset once I saw it….and saw how large I was. I mean I knew I was big and I was not comfortable wearing a bathing suit at the beach. The photo just made it worse. At 46, I wrote about my body and the envy of younger women here Today I went for a bike ride and then chose to read near the lake. I asked a few passing teens to take a photo of me in my bikini. It was uncomfortable to ask but I pushed past those feelings and listened as they coached me on how to pose. I explained to the girls that I am usually the one behind the camera as a mom. One said that her mom “is like you ….ya know….in her 30’s …..and always says the same thing…..” I said well, “I am 55 so…….” They were stunned! I really just wanted the photos for me and waited until I got home to look at them. Then I got to thinking…..I am at a point in my life that I really have no fucks left to give. Why not be proud to wear a 2 piece? Why not be proud of this body? Do my arms jiggle? Yup! Do my thighs rub together? Yup! Do I have a fupah/pooch/belly? Yup! Who cares? I have carried and fed 4 babies with this body. I have run countless miles and finished 9 marathons. I have peddled enough miles to circle the world more times than I can count. I have enjoyed many good meals and some fast food too (yuck!). It is time I loved this vessel that carries me though the world. Looking back I would have told that 17 year old to let it go. That not every one is going to like you or your body. Loving yourself is going to get you further in life than the self hate that will lead to many toxic relationships. I would tell that 34 year old momma to stop and take a breath. Those babies love your lap and love to snuggle you. They are watching how you act and listening to how you speak about your body. Teach them to love themselves as they are. 55 year old me is going to love on the woman in the mirror more. She is going to continue to enjoy good food and a good workout, and she is going to wear more bikinis! Eat the food. Take a walk. Run/Ride the miles Soak up the sun (and wear sunscreen!) Wear whatever makes you feel like a badass! Love that person staring back at you from the mirror! You Are Beautiful! Peace, #tutulady #forwardisapace
All I have ever wanted in life is to be a mom. I played with baby dolls as a toddler and, as I grew, I moved to Barbies. I played out scenarios in which the main character was always a mom. I babysat, was a camp counselor, taught swim lessons, and took care of kids as my primary source of income for the bulk of my teen years. In my 20’s, I was known as the mom in my group of friends, always taking care of others. I could not wait to have my own children and be a mom for ‘real’! I was married less than a year before I was pregnant. I celebrated my first wedding anniversary with my infant daughter on my lap at the same restaurant where I was engaged. I was happier than ever because I was finally a mom. Years passed and I gave birth to 3 more children. I was also gifted with a bonus daughter, making me the mom of 5 children! Heaven right?! Not really. Being a mom is hard work. I gave my kids all parts of me. I was no longer me. I was someone’s mom. I lost myself in being a mom. Each one of my kids will tell you that as their mom, I have made mistakes and had some colossal failures. I always did what I thought was best but some of those choices were made from poor advice and trauma. I never really trusted myself as a mom….because no one else trusted or supported me as a mom. I was flying blind. The years following my divorce lead to some disasters as a mom but also led me to trust myself more than ever. It took almost losing my kids for me to learn how to trust myself and my choices as a mother. My decisions are not always popular with my kids and they let me know it! However, my job is to be their parent first. They have plenty of friends. As my kids and I have gotten older, I think I have gotten a little better at the mom thing. I listen more and talk less. I support more and direct less. I love more and smother less. From the beginning of my divorce process, my children were assigned a CA (Court Advocate) by the judge (but that is another story for another day!). The first time I met the CA was on the sidewalk in front of my home. I stood there and told her, “No matter what happens to my children or what the court decides, I want my kids to remain together and get counseling. I want them mentally healthy….” I had prepared myself for the worst….my kids being taken from me. And because of that I made mistakes. I fought to PROVE I was a good mom and in doing so, did not listen to my heart. I lived from a place a fear and listened to others. It took plenty of my own therapy to realize I needed to trust myself …. no matter how unsure I felt or how hard it was. Being a mom is not easy….no matter how old your kids are. What makes it better? Admitting my faults and making changes. Having boundaries and communicating those boundaries to my kids. Loving my kids for exactly who they are and not who I want them to be. Fast forward to our most recent family event. I stood for a long time on the fringes, close enough to where I could hear my kids but far enough away so that I was unnoticed. What I witnessed was my dreams come true. All I have ever wanted is for my kids to be friends, to rely on each other. Someday I will no longer be here and I want to be remembered as someone who made mistakes, made apologies, learned from those mistakes, grew as a person, and left a legacy of love. Knowing that my kids not only love each other but they LIKE each other and like being together….that is the greatest legacy. That is a legacy of love. Peace #tutulady #forwardisapace
Kristine Binder 